I barely ever get crushes on anyone. When I do get crushes they aren't very intense. I had a crush on a girl when I was fourteen. I got happy whenever I saw her, but I never got the butterflies. Whenever she missed class I got disappointed. I could talk to her, but only like a friend. I'm not even sure if other people would consider it a crush. I admired her, but I also wanted to get closer to her. I didn't because I thought she was too good for me. That crush lasted for about two years despite not being very strong. Right now I think a girl at my school is cute. I have similar feelings for her, but I've never talked to her and I don't know her personality. I don't get butterflies around her either. Even though I don't know her I feel like she's too good for me as well. I have gotten strongly turned on by some of my fantasies, but I get tired of fantasies fast and I'm not very good at thinking of them. I was bullied when I was a kid and I've been avoiding relationships of all kinds. I want friends and relationships, but I'm too scared. Do you think I'm naturally demisexual or just avoiding relationships.
I am demisexual and I can relate to what you are talking about. I have recently fallen in love for the first time in my life, and I am really struggling because it has dawned on me how incredibly rare it is to feel strong attraction. I would like to assure you that it can happen, and that if you are feeling mild crushes but nothing more then take some time to get to know people more, form a bond and try to communicate what you feel clearly. Being demisexual is hard. Most people overlook just how incredibly difficult it is to find romantic happiness and just how hard we have to work at it. It can destroy friendships and hurt people. I can't even date like most people, because attraction just forms so rarely if at all. It sounds to me like you are not avoiding relationships. As long as you invest time in people you like on some level, there is always hope that it will grow to be more.
Everything you (OP) are describing most likely has its explanation in the psychological realm. Being bullied would absolutely be a sensible reason why you'd be cautious and gun shy about cultivating friendships, trusting people, and getting into relationships. From the shame resilience literature, we know that many people who are bullied have a difficult time with vulnerability and tend to numb emotions. Since vulnerability is necessary in order to experience the sort of "butterflies" and strong emotional feelings that one would normally feel when attracted to someone, it's far more likely that your previous experiences are the cause of what you're feeling than some sort of hardwired condition.
