Hello, this is my first time reaching out for advice. Theres no one I can talk to and its the most depressing thing in the world. Lets start with basics. I am 27, in a 10 year relationship (on and off first 4 years) (not married) with a male and have a 3 year old daughter. I used to term my self Bi. I've kissed a few girls, not on dares, but for pleasure. I had one short lived relationship with a girl. It was fantastic. I was 18, and I can still remember how her lips tasted. However, the guy i'm with now talked me out of my feeling for her I guess. I was heart broken, I broke her heart, it was horrible. But he kept telling me i wasn't gay, why waste time ect ect. So I pushed all those feeling down and termed my self straight. And I have since then. I check girls out all the time. I love watching shows/movies with lesbian scenes in them. What got me questioning my feelings again was last year while working as a manager at a clothing store there was this one employee i ALWAYS wanted to work with. I wanted to be near her. I thought about her all the time. I stared at her constantly. We were good friends, but she was much younger so we never hung out outside of work (plus, it was against the rooms for a manager/employee to hang out) I knew i had a huge crush on her, but it was so stupid I thought. I was a mom, she was young and straight. It was just silly. Fast forward to now... I don't know what happened again. I just got the thoughts back in my head. Now i'm questioning everything. Am I bi, and I gay? Wth. I love my boyfriend. But I feel like we are best friends, room mates. I don't really enjoy sex. I have to psych myself up for it. We hardly kiss. And I always am finding myself making excuses to not make out, or have sex. And its been this way for quite some time. I thought I was broken for the longest time, and now I keep thinking is it just because i don't like penis? I'm so lost. theres no one I can talk to about it. It would break him up if i even mentioned any of this. And with our living situation, leaving anytime soon is out of the question. And I have a kid... thats a huge thing. And I'm rambling. Ugh.:bang:
