Hi there. I'm a 33 year old guy with a long term girlfriend. Ever since my early teens I've had feelings and thoughts about other guys. I can suppress these feelings for months at a time but they're always there in the back of my mind. It's getting to the point now where I'm actually considering going with a guy to find out what it's like, but I don't wanna do that to my girlfriend. I had a gay experience with my then best friend when I was younger and it's never left me. It's not just feelings of lust either, I want to be intimate with a guy and make love and hold him. I really need some advice cos this is affecting me big time. Thanks.
That's rough, I can only say that I'd you do want to explore your feelings you talk to your girlfriend first, perhaps take a break from the relationship so you can find yourself, if you are happy then do nothing, but if it's eating away at you like you seem to be explaining then I say you have to let yourself explore these feelings. Otherwise they'll eat away at you forever.
I love her dearly but i don't really feel a sexual attraction towards her. I feel like such a bastard for even writing this. If she found out it'd break her heart and I care for her too much to want to put her through that.
That's so sad it brought a tear to my eye, look I'd you aren't even sexually attracted to her than you know what you have to do. I know it's not easy, It will probably be one of the hardest things you ever have to do, but if you love her you have to be honest with her. Can't you see if this is really how you feel the longer you wait the more it will hurt both of you? I know what it's like, it wasn't as serious as your relationship but I did date women before accepting myself even though there was no sexual attraction there. It's difficult but I'm sure you know the right thing to do. Just look into your heart, let it be your guide.
Oh you make it sound so simple Ya see we have kids together aswell and I couldn't bare to think of em being bullied and picked on cos their dad is gay. It's all such a mess and my thoughts and feelings are all over the place :-(
You didn't mention that, well look at it this way, your kids will love you regardless, is your girlfriend, let me put this bluntly, a vindictive bitch? Because if she isn't then you don't have to worry about her bad mouthing you to the kids. And anti bullying is a lot more strict than when we were in school, your kids won't be bullied like I was, I can't guarantee it, but society is becoming much more accepting, it's slow going but it is going. I don't know what else I can say, the path to happiness is in front of you, you can either take it or continue to let your doubts eat away at you. I know I'm being sort of blunt and I'm sorry, that is one of personality traits, it's hard for me to sugar coat anything.
It'd make it soooo much easier if she was a bitch. Thanx for the advice my friend I'm gonna do some serious thinking
Hi! I've experienced the exact same situation no longer than 1 month ago.. I was in this long term eterosexual relationship with this amazing girl; it took me a while but in the end i realized that the longer i wait the worse things would end up, so I decided to break up with her.. I realize that for you it might be harder because you have kids, but in the end I hope and believe things are going to get better (and that's what i'm hoping for me too LostandAffraid is right, luckly it is becoming little by little easier for us to be ourselves within society, so you should worry too much for your kids.. besides, I'm sure they want their dad to be happy no matter what. Hope things will work out Ps sorry for any possible mistakes, I'm italian and i don't speak english perfectly
Thank you . I'm sure one day things will work out for the best. How long were you together with your girlfriend? Was she understanding?
We were together for 2 and a half years, almost 3... When I broke up I didnt tell her that it was because I was gay but only because I wasn't in love with her anymore (a partial truth). I'm still wondering if I should have tell her the truth or not, but I am at least happy that now she can find another man who can love her 100%. Again maybe it can be harder for you because you have children with her so I suggest that you should be onest with her since the beginning (sorry if I sound a little bit like an hypocrite since that is not what I've done myself) Anyway, when you will feel ready, you should listen to your heart and take control of your life we all deserve to live without trying to hide who we really are. Hope that I was able to help you, even just a little bit Un abbraccio, ciao (means hug, bye
That's great advice I'll certainly bare that in mind before I make any decisions I hope you find happiness now your free to be yourself
