What exactly is physical attraction?

For me "the butterflies" are more related to romantic attraction than physical ;? I think it's more what you notice in the streets, beaches etc and what gender you "check out"? I was trying to figure this out too for a long time now..

 

You could be asexual or a lesbian. I say this because asexual means that you don't experience physical attraction and you said that it only happened for women.Although you could be both.

 

I'm the same don't get it

 

Checking out is confusing too. I technically check out both men and women, but the men interest me more and I can't imagine romantic scenes with women. I have no idea if that's attraction or conditioned bias.

 

Why's that? There are lots of great things you can do with your time that aren't playing with someone's doodads. You can climb mountains! You can write a book! You can go shopping, have sushi, go sailing, make jewelry, learn crochet, visit grandma, decorate the patio, have a drink with your best friends, all kinds of things. I think I'd kill myself if I thought having sex were the only way I could have a fun time in life.

As for the original question: what is physical attraction? It's the difference between seeing a great sweater on sale and thinking "OH MY GOD That is Gorgeous! Look at that embroidery!" and seeing a woman in that sweater and thinking you'd like to fool around with her.

 

To me physical attraction is thinking someone is "hot"/good looking. I don't think it has to be sexual either; because that would be SEXUAL attraction. You be sexually attracted to someone without being physically attracted to them, although in most cases they are linked.

Physical attraction = Pleasing to the eye

 

I think your body and eyes responds to physical attraction , it's like butterflies you get, when you see your cheeks getting red and blushing, from messing up your words when you talk . Sure I can think a guy looks good or hot .but I don't get those feelings around them , I don't feel the need to be close to them either

 

It's mental or emotional attraction which really causes chemistry and butterflies, not just looks. I know a girl who ticks all those boxes for me and I'm still too shy to make a move! :icon_redf

 

When you see someone who appeals to you, what do you imagine yourself doing with them? Reading a book, watching a movie, cuddling, making out, making love? A physical attraction to someone is when you find them visually appealing and would like to engage in physical forms of affection with them (think sex).

Thinking about this, do you feel:

-Uncomfortable? Then you may be asexual

-Like you want that someday but not yet? Then you may not have found the right person yet

-Like you could only be interested in even thinking about that with someone you know well and love? You could be demi-sexual

Being asexual is not boring. I have a wonderful asexual friend; she is an artist, she has a fulfilling non-sexual relationship with her boyfriend, she is an enthusiastic member of several fandoms, and she has a ton of great friends. If you are asexual, you won't feel like you're missing anything if you don't have sex.

 

Agreed, but not because it's "boring" per se but because sex seems to be the ticket towards overall intimacy with another person. An asexual can have very close friends but will never quite approach the closeness of a sexual relationship.

What's strange is that I can appreciate this intellectually, but emotionally I still can't comprehend how sex=love.

 

While I agree, asexuals can fall in love and have a very close boyfriend/girlfriend too. And asexuals DO have sex, they just aren't sexually attracted. They can even enjoy sex. Just like a gay man can enjoy sex with a woman by physical terms alone.

Sex really has nothing to do with romance or intimacy either, hence why hookup culture is so huge and why a lot of animals aren't monogamous.

I know you didn't mean this by your reply, but I am a gray-asexual and I feel insulted by people assuming that two people who don't have a sexual relationship are "just friends". I'm still interested in romance, commitment, and even parenting with someone, just not the sex part. I would still consider my partner a girlfriend/wife if we were never sexually active, just like someone wouldn't call their "friend with benefits" their boyfriend/girlfriend just because they have a sexual relationship mixed with an emotional bond.

 

I certainly didn't mean to insult anyone with that, I was just repeating what I hear over and over again in the media which is that good sex is at the core of any romantic relationship, and if you're not having sex or at least planning to you don't have a relationship at all.

I would love to believe it's possible to be more than "just friends" with someone but not have this focus on sex. Sex could be part of the relationship but just not the main determinant of the relationship's health.

However, I have come across nothing in mainstream media that suggests this is possible.

 

I understand, but the media is definitely not real life. If you look at how it portrays sex in general It's pretty unrealistic and overly "glamorized" to begin with.

I just find it hypocritical that people can understand how you can have sex without love (One night stands, hook-ups, friends with benefits) but find it difficult to imagine the reverse.

I've tried to like sexual activity, really, but I don't. If anything to me sex is the opposite of love; It's about selfish primitive desires and dominance (if you look in the animal kingdom). Now I'm not saying that two people can't have sex for love or that it can't be a loving thing, but it isn't to me. To me sex would make me feel farther away and degraded by my partner than it would make me feel like they loved me.

But a relationship is so much more. It's about selfless love, committing, and being there for someone. You can have sex with anybody without feeling a thing (which is why people promote open relationships all the time), but love is something much more special, I think.

It just seems unfair that someone who doesn't like sex should be told that they can't have a chance to have a happy relationship.

 

Sadly though, there are many ppl who think sex is love. I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband, kept doing it for a few years less and less, now I just don't even like kissing him. He actually used to be one of those dudes sort of in touch with his feelings and liked meditating together and talking, the less he wants this and loses ambition for life, the less I want him and tell him sometimes. Mostly, if I try to talk he starts a fight, and I mean talk about anything for the future, then ten seconds later is trying to touch me all lovey dovey, yet we can't even cuddle on the couch anymore so I dont understand where this desire for me comes from if he doesn't even want to work together on our future. I totally think the only thing that makes him truly happy is sex. When I was 18-20 I lived with a bf and he was totally the same way. If we had sex, he would be great at chores, grocery shopping, smiling and as time went on this would fade til we did it again. We would have been fine had he just stopped trying. My husband and I are great as long as I don't care about talking like friends anymore and if he would stop literally ''needing' sex. I don't understand it either, I could do without it completely and still be happy. I just think most ppl cannot differentiate. I could not do a one-night stand, I really have to feel more emotional, but apparantly many ppl don't need that emotion or closeness (my husband) to take their clothes off. If we go to counseling, it will be about trying to be intimate again, but to me intimate does not mean taking my clothes off, it means snuggling, talking, sharing secret hopes or whatever, to society today it is a sex drive.
For you, maybe you won't like it, but allow emotional relationships to develop and then if those feelings still arent there it should be ok to say no. goodluck

 

I understand. For me, I can feel sexually attracted and have sexual fantasies of someone, but I feel turned off by doing any sexual act beyond kissing (I guess the only thing I could do is finger someone else, but I find other sexual acts repulsive). I don't even like to imagine myself with someone; I only imagine them doing it solo or with someone else. It doesn't mean I can't have romantic feelings or anything, but I define intimacy differently (Like you said, things without clothes coming off).

If I have to sleep with someone, I don't want it anymore than twice a month, I hate it that much.

 

Is this true? Can a gay person (man or woman) enjoy sex with someone of the opposite sex?

How could that be? And isn't all sex physical really, so on what other terms could someone also enjoy sex?

I'm not trying to start an argument or anything. It's just something I'm really hung up on when trying to figure out my own orientation.