Hi, so there's this girl I've been friends with for about two years now and to make a long story short, we've been regularly making out while drinking for about a year now. It all started with her joking she'd want to kiss me, then I got drunk texts from her saying she actually thinks about kissing me all the time. When I was at hers one night and we drank a bit, she constantly tried to kiss me but I always backed out until one time I didn't. After that making out while getting drunk in private became kind of a routine for us, but still it was her who initiated it every single time. By now I feel it's way more than just some drunk kissing for fun. In private even sober she constantly cuddles me, she holds my hand or caresses my hair and usually we fall asleep entangled like this. She compliments me all the time and she gets jealous whenever I so much as mention liking another guy or girl. It just feels like I am developing feelings for her while I am completely unsure of hers. While we cannot really be apart from each other, we also are very close friends talking about guys a lot, considering that we both always thought we are or were (?) straight. And it seems to me that every time we make out, all she talks about the days afterwards are guys she would like to have sex with in a reassuring manner for both of us. Almost like she is trying to say we're still both straight. Lately this just confuses me to the point where I barely want to talk to her or see her anymore. I think she's felt my withdrawal because last time she was over she got really anxious about me leaving her and told me that she couldn't bear that and that she couldn't really imagine her life without me. Is all of this still a girl crush or would you consider it to be more than that? I'm really lost here and just can't stop turning the situation over and over in my head.
It sounds to me she's probably just as confused as you are. I had this girl who would never say she way gay, and would barely let me even hold her hand, but she talked in a loving way to me. Drove me insane! The only thing you can do, if you want to, is bring it up to her, sober. If you have feelings, let her know. The worst that would happen is the kissing would probably stop.
She does sound very confused...and maybe she's a little scared about her feelings. You know, not really knowing how other people are going to react. That can really cloud some people's perceptions of themselves and not let their real selves shine through. You should definitely sit her down and have a serious-sober-conversation with her. I think that's the only way you're really going to know. Hope that helps! I'm always here if you wanna talk
I agree completely, I'd say next time you are hanging out in a private manner bring this up and be completely honest about how you feel. Otherwise progress can not be made.
I agree with the others. You're probably scared about losing a friend but it doesn't sound one-sided. It's not like you have a lesbian crush on a totally homophobic straight girl. You have made out and sound like really close friends. Talk to her and make sure she knows how you feel too. If you start with something like are you bisexual/lesbian she's probably going to clam up and deny everything. Be open and gentle but make sure you know what you're looking for because if you go in not knowing how you want to deal with things it could end up in a confusing mess.
I agree with the previous posters. She's scared and confused by her feelings. Talk to her. You're in the same position which should reassure her. Best of luck!
I can just agree with the other people here. It sounds like she is confused and maybe likes you more than just as a friend. Talking to here would be the best thing you can do in this case. :goodluck:
First of all thank you all for for your responses, I felt a bit weird posting this whole situation on the internet but I don't really have anyone I'd feel comfortable to turn to with this. I've thought about talking to her before, of course, but so far I just haven't found the guts to do so. She is indeed one of my best friends and I'm scared that this could somewhat ruin our friendship as I'm not even sure if I have indeed feelings for her, but I guess you're right and talking to her at one point or another is inevitable. We've also casually talked about bisexuality/homosexuality before and to sum it up she basically said even if she was attracted to another woman she couldn't imagine being in a relationship with her because of the coming out to her friends and family and everything that comes with it. Anyway, thank you all so much again. It really helped a lot already getting all of this off of my chest.
The way that the relationship has already changed and is continuing to change, it will eventually come to a head anyway. Better to prepare and to face it maturely than let it escalate beyond the point of recovery. If that makes any sense? I'm sure she is terrified. It is a frightening thing. Yet, when you have that other person in your corner it makes a lot of things worth it. A question I always ask myself in numerous types of situations is - how bad do you want it? Is the possible result worth the risk/sacrifice? And what your answer is determines what you should do.
