1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Fluidity in sexual orientation. Can anyone be 'on the fence'?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by AuntySue, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. AuntySue

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southampton
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm being very careful to not word this wrong, but as a gay girl with few gay friends, I've heard many heterosexual opinions when it comes to sexual orientation. I'm simply interested in your views in regards to "picking a side" - Now, I'm not one to judge, and I think people can identify themselves as whatever they damn well like, but does any of the LGBT community prefer people just stick to their label? Gay, straight etc...

    To stress my point for discussion, I recently overheard two girls (that I know to be straight) talking about bisexual girls, stating "You either like di** or pu***, not both, that's greedy."

    (I'm writing a blog piece and your views would be very very helpful! But I won't quote anyone directly unless they ask to be)
     
  2. LostAndAffraid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2014
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    flint
    Stemmed from fear and ignorance. It's not greedy to be yourself, as long as your loyal to the one your with.
     
  3. Will2M

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2012
    Messages:
    158
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle
    ^This. It isn't greedy at all to be who you are.

    As someone who identifies as bisexual I do feel fluidity in my orientation. Some days I will be more attracted to guys, some days more girls. I have a girlfriend as of now but I know that attraction for guys will always be there and I finally decided to embrace it.
     
  4. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Now some straight girls should be the last people to call bisexual girls greedy and when I say the last people I mean it . Aren't they the same ones you can find kissing on girls for attention and some even sleeping with women once and a while and doing men too last people that should be calling bisexuals greedy and asking them to take a side .
    Not all straight girls are like this but still they the last to be saying this .
    This is just plain ignorance to me specially coming from some women who fake being bi and lesbian . They need to look at their own behavior before saying such things .
     
  5. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    "You either like di** or pu***, not both, that's greedy."

    Greedy: Adj- " having or showing a selfish desire to have more of something " (Mirriam Webster). - wanting more than your fair share.

    A few things to consider:

    Who defines the 'fair share' of people?
    What happens when you hit it?

    Considering the argument put forward we can assume that your friend considers having wanting a guy and a girl to be more than the fair share. Therefore the 'fair' amount is less than 2. It has to be more than 0, because otherwise everyone would be alone forever. That leaves us with 1.

    So by your friends logic, the most people a person can have is 1.

    So let's say you date someone, and the relationship ends. I assume your friend would agree it is OK to keep dating other people, even though it takes her over her limit of 1 person per person.

    So we can rule that out.

    The alternative idea is that they object to more than 1 person AT A TIME.

    There are people who are in relationships with more than one person at a time. Those people are "polygamous" and they come in all different orientations. It is by no means limited to bisexuality.

    I would say most bisexual people are not polyamorous at all. Perfectly monogamous for the most part.

    This leads to 2 issues.

    1. Polygamy is FINE if it's something you are into

    2. If it's greedy for bisexual people, then why isn't she bothered about straight or gay polygamists?

    She has no reason to think that it's greedy, because by definition it doesn't fit.

    This leads to a new problem.

    WHY DOES SHE CARE?

    If this girl is straight, she is unlikely to claim other straight girls or gay men are being unfair or greedy if they date a man - or to put it another way, remove a man from her pool of potential mates.

    If she is lesbain, she is equally unlikely to complain about straight men or gay girls taking women from her dating pool.

    Which leads us to bisexuals. Most bisexual people will take from one pool or the other, men or women. Which means that a bisexual isn't taking anything more from her than anybody else in the world is.

    If a bisexual takes from both pools and enters a poly relationship, I think we can all agree that none of the people involved in the relationship would be in this girls dating pool ANYWAY because clearly she has something against dating more than one person. So in this instance a poly relationship takes NOTHING from her, so in theory she could even be HAPPY about it.
     
  6. fortheloveoflez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    2
    Wow. Honestly, I think the people who say that about bisexuals are probably insecure about their own orientations. It's kind of like they want to pretend bisexuality doesn't exist so that they don't have to even consider that they are one.
     
  7. Cap’nSerious

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington D.C.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The thing about bisexuality, for me at least, if I was romantically attracted someone, Yes, I would attracted the other sex, but It’s not like I need to be with the other sex. And I think most bisexuals are like that way too. I think when a lot bisexuals break up with their boyfriends/ girlfriends and say that there not interested with their gender at the moment, I think it is used a escape-goat… It’s much easier to say “oh I’m not interested in Men right now” than saying “ I don’t like you anymore”. Also, just because we(bisexuals) like other gender while were dating doesn’t change the fact YOU are attracted to other people too.
     
  8. Radioactive Bi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2014
    Messages:
    1,339
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK Midlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Being greedy is having too much of something, not having a variety and those who think bisexual people are greedy are idiots who don't know what they are talking about.

    What you are describing is a classic bi phobia/bi-erasure. How dare these people try to say to us what we can and can't like and how we feel. You'd think people in the LGBT community would know better then to be prejudice against others considering all they have had to go through to get the equality we enjoy today.

    If I meet the right type of person, I can genuinely be attracted to a man as much as a women.

    Let's hope one day, these backwards attitudes will bother us no longer...

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  9. stocking

    stocking Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    7,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    :thumbsup:
     
  10. AuntySue

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southampton
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Wow, thank you for your responses. I find it fascinating how people respond to the idea of being bisexual (not you guys, the ignorant people I quoted), and like someone rightly pointed out, its often the straight girls who are off kissing their friends on a Friday night. Interesting, as I wrote a blog piece about that a little while ago!

    Now, what about gay girls dating bisexual women? I know some would prefer that their partner was completely gay. What do people thing?
     
  11. cava

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2014
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Colorado
    Excellent point, though I just want to make a small correction. I believe you already know this, since it was written correctly once in your response, but the proper term for what you're talking about is polyamory, not polygamy. (This was probably an auto-correct issue, I just wanted to make sure no one gets any false impressions.)