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Why am I afraid for my straight guy friends to find out that I'm possibly gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by IsThisAName, Apr 18, 2014.

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  1. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    Ok so recently I've been coming to terms with my sexuality and while I originally thought I was bi, I've been almost certain that I'm a lesbian lately. However there's one thing that's making me question it. I'm friends with a few straight guys, one of which I thought I had feelings for in the past--but it was purely emotional connection and not sexual attraction. Even when I did have a crush on him, I couldn't see myself having sex with him.

    Anyway, even though I can't see myself having sex with a guy, I still feel like I wouldn't be happy telling my straight guy friends that I'm gay. Not because I think they would judge me or not accept me--it has nothing to do with that. It's more like if I tell them I'm gay, then they will know they can't pursue me and won't have feelings for me. Does that make any sense at all? At this point, I've been accepting my attraction to girls and am beginning to be able to picture myself with a woman, and the more I accept it, the less and less I am able to picture being with a man for the rest of my life. I don't have any desire to have sex with guys. So why am I feeling like this? Does this make any sense and has anyone ever had this before?
     
    #1 IsThisAName, Apr 18, 2014
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    So your concern is that they will no longer like you because there's no possibility of a relationship with you?

    If that's the case and they wouldn't like you anymore, then you're probably better off finding new friends. That's not what motivates friends to stay friends, or at least, I've never felt that way.
     
    #2 TJ, Apr 18, 2014
  3. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    Not that they'll no longer like me. I mean that they'll like me just as a friend but never anything more because they know I'm gay and it's not going to happen. I know they'll still like me as a friend--it's that they won't like me as more than that that bothers me. Which seems totally weird considering I'm probably gay. I guess I just like the attention from guys or something even though I'm not attracted to them.
     
    #3 IsThisAName, Apr 18, 2014
  4. TJ

    TJ
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    That could be. It's understandable to be worried that there won't be the same level of affection as there was before, but that's part of being lesbian! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    At the same time, there's the possibility that being a lesbian could make them like you even more, and for more genuine reasons than being attracted to you/wanting a relationship.
     
    #4 TJ, Apr 18, 2014
  5. IsThisAName

    IsThisAName
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    Hahaha, true. I don't know why it bothers me! I think it's just me slowly trying to accept everything. I have doubts and think that maybe I'm bi sometimes, just because of the emotional connection that I have with guys sometimes. But I think I tend to enjoy the emotional connection more than the actual person when it's with a guy. So I'm probably just in denial I guess.
     
    #5 IsThisAName, Apr 18, 2014
  6. TJ

    TJ
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    Aye, you're still probably questioning yourself a little bit, but it sounds like you know how you feel. You're not attracted to guys, you are attracted to girls, and you can have emotional attachments to guys.
    If you want to be label-y with it, you could be a 'biromantic, homosexual', but labels are annoying. :wink:
     
    #6 TJ, Apr 18, 2014
  7. Radioactive Bi

    Radioactive Bi
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    I think sometimes a worry can also be that even though they will still be your friends, you may fear their perception of you will change and they will start to treat you different. Who wants that, especially when you are still exactly the same person you were before you told them and all that's changed is they learned one new thing about you.

    That is something I would be worried about.

    Hope everything works out ok for you though.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Radioactive Bi, Apr 18, 2014
  8. Turkishtowel

    Turkishtowel
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    I think I sort of understand what you are saying...
    I tha ought that I was bi till a while ago when I started to identify as biromantic homosexual. I think I enjoy being around guys and I am genuinely happy when a guy falls for me. However, I am certain that I will never be sexually attracted to them.
    I haven't told any of my guys friends other than one and I guess I just don't want to be sort of left out. I am kind of scared that they will start thinking of me as a friend and all the closeness we had will dissapear. (Even though that sounds really selfish)
    However, lately the way I think has changed quite a bit and I don't really mind what they think. I think this is because I've come to accept myself more.
    Maybe you should just give yourself time? There is no need to come out to them yet and maybe when you are comfortable enough to let go of that affection, you will have come to terms with how you truly feel.
     
    #8 Turkishtowel, Apr 19, 2014
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