So I came out to few friends as a bisexual.. They were okey with that. Now I have a great boyfriend but I'm starting to discover things in me that I'm really scared of... I am attracted to women and I can only imagine my life with one. I can't be romantic with guys... In my country men are really dominant and here society tells women have to be weak and find a man that will protect them... the problem is being attracted to girls I feel like I'm something less than a human being... I crave guys attention because it's my environment I grew up. I want them to like me... but it is not fair. I don't want to be a lesbian... my mom keeps telling me about my future with marrying a man, having kids... I know it is not for me but she expects this... my town is really small and most guys here are total jerks. They don't respect girls and use them and talk about them for only one reason...to get one thing they need. I hate to feel weak. It feels like I need a boyfriend but even through I love him, something is wrong... I feel guilty for liking girls. I had so little mini crushes on girls because I just suppress those feelings. I want to be bi, but God not a lesbian because mom would kill me... it's all I'm thing of right now... I could do anything for being at least bi...?:icon_sad:
It seems like I can't... Sorry for those annoying posts. Even for myself I look like desperate weirdo. I'm in this black hole and I have no one to talk to about this... I really apologize again.
Don't apologise you've got nothing to be sorry for. I don't know where you live but have you ever thought about moving? If you're in the EU, perhaps you could raise enough money to move somewhere more accepting.
Don't apologise. You don;t sound like a weirdo, you sound scared. I am reading your post and all I can think of is this: It feels like the only reason you want to be 'bisexual' instead of lesbian is so you can pretend you are straight. I don't know where you are in the world or what things are like there, but considering what you've told me I don't see how you could possibly end up happy at the end of that. I really don't have a lot in the way of advice, other than to remember that you are NOT sub-human. You are no better and no worse because of your orientation. If you don't like guys you don't like guys.
You have nothing to apologize for! You can't help liking what you like, there's nothing wrong with that. You can't try and force yourself to be something just because someone else wants you to be it. You can force your brain to think it, but it doesn't mean that'll make it any truer. Maybe try to move somewhere else? Another town, at least. You mentioned that your town is small, so perhaps you just need to see a little more variety? Expand your views, and no, you're not alone. Lots of people on this site would be willing to listen to you and help you. Hope things get better!
I really want to like guys. Sometimes when I am walking down the streets with my bf and he hugs me or holds my hand it is nothing to me... If he says to me how important I'm to him and how much he cares for me and loves me... something hits me and I just change the topic. I never knew how to respond. As I said I feel like I can be romantic only with girls. Maybe I can't answer anything for him because I don't feel the same way about him...? I don't know. I even can get "attracted to him" in some way. But I say to myself I want him and then he kisses me and I push him away because I feel nothing. I don't know why I'm this way. And yes, you are right, I am really scared. I would probably preted I'm straight... ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2014 at 09:10 AM ---------- I thought about it alot really, the only good thing is that I will finish school and where I go to study then future will show I guess.. ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2014 at 09:13 AM ---------- Future will show. And I think I forced my brain too much I think... I just feel alone because it seems like I ruin peoples lifes by being this way...
You don't need to marry anybody to be happy, especially if you know it's just going to make yourself miserable! You have to be happy with the life you're going to live, and ideally, your family should be happy with whatever way you find that's the best way to make that happen. Doing what you have to to keep yourself sane and happy isn't going to ruin anyone's life. They might yell and resist and say that you are ruining their lives, but usually with time, as they know you're serious and you know what you want, they'll come around. And if they don't—you can't worry yourself about pleasing someone who will only be happy with you if you conform to their way, even if it means your misery. It might sound selfish, but this is an area of your life where, if you don't stand up for yourself, no one will. I don't know where you live or what your situation is like, but you've said that women are expected to be dependent on men—but in today's world, that doesn't have to be the case. If you can get a college degree in a field like law or engineering or science, you can certainly achieve a comfortable and independent life without depending on a partner. And plus, a story about striving for women's empowerment would make a fantastic essay for the application! I know it must be hard, but don't let anyone hold you down!
I don't know why I don't want to be a lesbian so much... I never looked at guys and said they were hot or even handsome... if my girfriends asks I just agree that someone is hot and end of story. I never notice them by myself, I'm always looking at girls and I even never didn't noticed it... I feel like everything is so clear now and those feelings I've been supressing for so long subconsciously just bursted into my head too fast...
Only you can decide who or what you are and that is not always an easy process. Hell, it's never easy. Just keep your head up and focus on smashing that patriarchy.
I'm a total supporter of feminism and I'm a full feminist. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing, but I think the way world looks at women is not right. And yeah, finding out who you are is scary and really hard..
It's a great thing! Equality is so important in this day and age, and supporting that is great! Also, try meditation. It really helps figure out identity. :3
I red somewhere it helps, but I am not that kind of a person who could concentrate and relax easily I guess :/
It takes practice, but it's worth it. I have ADD and thoughts are nyooming around in my head, but in meditation; I am at rest. I can look at myself as nothingness and see who I am. Yoga is a great way to start, plus it's great exercise! Yoga relaxes the body, especially afterwards.
