Is it enough to be considered gay if I masturbate almost entirely to men/guys and very rarely women. It's weird because in daily life outside of internal fantasies it seems like I have only ever had a few gay experiences, to specify in math class while I was still high school my middle aged math teacher bent over to help me with my work at my desk and I had this sudden urge to kiss him on the lips lol that was really weird because I never had thought about him before or after that. At another time in the morning in front me in the same class there was a boy and I was thinking about his hair and his clothes. My thoughts were along the lines of are those new? I wonder who got them for him? And just imagining what his house was like. Then I started thinking about his hair and how I liked how it smelled and right at that moment he leaned right back right in my space so I had to lean back too. I got an erection from that and I remember being scared if someone saw. Also while me and my overweight friend were sitting on the couch together (just next to each other not cuddling or anything just two guys on a couch) he lifted his arm to rest it on back of the couch behind me somewhat and he grazed my leg. I enjoyed the contact. Anyways I don't really know how I can't see that I am obviously gay and I don't know how to precede. Any thoughts or comments?
The thing is that I am a total virgin I have never dated a girl I was raised almost entirely around males and I have only ever hung out with girls while I was still in grade school and that was between 8 and 10 years ago. I am 21 now. So I how can I know if my fantasies are not just because of lack of exposure and positive experiences with women. Or maybe it really doesn't matter because I'm not going to be able to hold a healthy relationship with anybody regardless of sexual orientation. It's really depressing to feel like I am never going to have sex or love another person it has never even seemed like an option to ask somebody out I just never had the confidence or self esteem.
On one hand, you ultimately know what you want, and having sex with a woman "just to be sure" isn't going to change that. But I know how hard it can be to feel isolated and inexperienced, you start to doubt yourself. The best I can suggest is go to some gay bars, join some new activities, or find some way to meet people where you'd be comfortable. I'm hardly an expert on that part of it myself. In my town everyone complains about how hard it is to meet people, gay and straight, and all age groups, twenty-somethings and older divorcees. It's a challenge no matter who you are. So you really have to be willing to take the risks. Best of luck to you
You have sexual and romantic feelings for men, so you are at least bisexual. Considering you have none of those feeling for women then it must make you gay. It can be very tough meeting people, but even more so for gay people. I joined an app and went to gay bars, I had some success and feel more comfortable around men but I haven't found a bf yet. If your out the closet then it will be easier to find men as other people know you are gay, but only come out if you feel ready to.
