Im having such a hard time right now. I just can't accept what's happening to me. I feel like I'm the only person that has turned. Ive been contemplating suicide for 6 months now. The fact I have ocd I'd making this so much harder. Growing up I loved women. Was very strongly attracted to females. I wasn't confused or in denial it was intense then overnight just before my 18th birthday I woke up with the obsession I'm gay. It was based on nothing just the words repeating "you're gay" over and over for 6 months, then it dissappeared at 22 it came back. My attractions to females never returned. But I wasn't attracted to guys either now at 25 in a very happy relationship with my soul mate the obsession returned and with all the mental checking that comes with it, it feels like I've rewired my brain to be gay. I'm actually attracted to guys now. Attractions I havnt experienced in years. I still find no joy in watching gay porn and I have tried over 100 times but still can't finish, so to.speak. But the attraction is real, and after some serious soul searching I've realised that I havnt felt aroused since that day when I was 17. It's killing me. I can't forget my past. And I can't look into my future. Forget the ocd for.one minute if you could and concentrate on my attractions to guys. I don't understand how this can happen to me, hell I've slept.with over 100 women and hadn't even thought about a guy until a few months ago. The thought still makes me feel sick but I.don't know if that's my conscious fighting. How can this happen, I used to be.straight now I'm positive I'm gay. I came out to my Cbt shrink today and she said there's.not much she can do any more now. How can this happen? I just want to go back in time and be happy.with my.girlfriend. I feel I need a label just for.peace of mind. Please help me before I do.something.stupid
first off, there are plenty of us here who will be willing to listen if you want to talk privately to someone, feel free to message me if you'd like. second, these are all things i have experienced as well (except the OCD), and please please please try and work through these feelings and talk to someone before you try anything like that, it can be a horrific experience for yourself and others around you (trust me, i know from experience). Only you can really know whether you are gay or not, and there really is no reason to label yourself, some people who are bisexual have strong urges and attractions to each sex at different times and don't even look at the other sex at that time. could that be what this is? at these times are you just absolutely convinced that you could never be with a woman again and feel you could only ever be with a man sexually/romantically? ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2014 at 02:06 PM ---------- oh and just because you don't "finish" to gay porn, in my experience, doesn't really mean anything, i can't finish to any porn, lesbian, straight, threesome, kinky stuff,whatever, so don't focus too much on that.
It's never been a case of me not noticing my attraction to guys it was never there, there's been a couple of things in a year that showed a very very mild attraction to the same sex but before that never, I had never had a homosexual dream or fantasy, not even an after thought, when I Masterbate it's still to the thought of my previous experience with women and the porn I watch changes between solo women on webcams to hardcore, which I still use. Does this make me bisexual, even though I still find no arousal from it, it just works. Is it normal to not feel arousal for 7 years? From 18 to 25 ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2014 at 02:08 PM ---------- Yes let's talk how do we do this?
oh, i just tried to send a message but apparently you need to be a full member. sigh. i'll try and get that sorted then. If there has never been any arousal to men, then i doubt you're bisexual, you can notice when a man is attractive even if you're straight, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you fancy him and want to do things with him. Plus in most cases, everyone has the curiosity when they're younger, or even when you're older. Have you never had any arousal over the past 7 years at all? like not even by yourself or seeing a good looking woman?
Yeah I tried too but couldn't work. To be honest no arousal my attraction to women died over night and since have felt kinda dead inside, but it.didn't bother me still held down successful relationships. I have felt arousal maybe a handful of times when I'm using Skype but it doesn't last. My attractions to guys now feels stronger than what is has done to women for about 5 years but no where near as strong as my attraction to women in my teens. I can't take much more of this, my ocd is making life so much harder than need be, I've been in bed for 6 months now. If you manage to set up private messages could you send me an email instead of using empty.closests, being on this site doesn't help my head atall
I think some people find that when they are seriously stressed, anxious or depressed, or similar can find they have a reduced or non existent sex drive, and can't get aroused. So yes, it can happen that you don't feel aroused for years at a time. Could it be your OCD and emotional states have had an impact on you arousal? Is the attraction you feel for men physical, or emotional? Some of it may just be stress trying to connect to someone, what kinds of attraction do you feel? What about women now, if you can still hold down successful relationships, or am I interpreting that wrong? Considering you age, hormones could definitely come into play. People always talk about going through a phase (this could be gay or straight). The porn you like may not have any relations to your sexuality, but if you still enjoy women rather than men on porn, it may be you're having an issue connecting to women in real life where you can with men, and this is manifesting physically. Also, as a personal thing I can't finish unless I'm emotionally there, so that could be the reason gay porn doesn't do it for you. Seeing as you're having a tough time emotionally at the moment, it feels like this would have a huge impact on all areas of your life. Its rare for this kind of thing to not have a physical response, I'd say. You're sudden stronger attraction to guys, may be a reaction to a smaller attraction, and heightened emotional states, that shock and/or worry you, consciously or unconsciously, or it could be a stress induced transference. I can't tell you if you're gay or bi or straight, only you can, but take it slowly, and give yourself time to find yourself emotionally before you panic about the physical.
