People With Conflicting Romantic and Sexual Orientations

In this boat with you.

Basically for people who I think might be easily confused, I just say I'm bisexual, yeah. It's something 99% of the population can get their head around, at least; 'cause they're familiar with it. And since it explains most of the behaviors they have seen & will ever see out of me, it works. *shrug* haha

But for purists and those who are more curious/interested, I'll bother to use the terms to tell them that I'm *mostly* heterosexual, but demisexual toward women, and *mostly* homoromantic, but have had a few romantic inklings toward a few men, now and then.

So you see why I give up. xD

I'm too contradictory and complicated. (Except for the fact that now that I know myself & am out to myself, I know that I want to be with a woman, as my wife.)

 

Respectfully, no.

I am not bargaining.

Do you remember a time (such as, still today) when there was "bi erasure"? The phenomenon where folks on either extreme end of the sexual orientation scale would say things like you are saying, that claiming bisexuality was merely a sort of mid-way stop-off point to admitting to one's self and the world, finally, that one was gay or lesbian?

Well, making such a statement as you just did does the same thing to my experience. Trust me, I have analyzed this to the Nth degree, and accuracy in characterizing something and using descriptive words which best capture complicated truths is something near and dear to my heart.

If simply saying "I'm bi" or "I'm a lesbian" fit me most accurately, that is what I would want to use. But the asexual community has done us all a great favor in defining some terms that capture and accurately describe their experience with different facets of attraction, which I and many, many other people resonate with...especially including within the LGBTQ community.

What I stated in my initial post in this thread is exactly how I am. No more, no less.

Calling my experience fabricated is very offensive.

 

It is my problem now. I can be crazy about a guy but I'm not attracted to him. And if I date one he gets his heart broken... I'm bi-romantic lesbian and I red somewhere that these bi-romantic stuff are society expectations who we should love. I don't know but I noticed if I like a girl both ways my feelings for guys disapears. I wish it was true for me.. But I think for some people sexual and romantic orientation is not the same and it is how it is..

 

When I was first coming out I felt that I was romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men. It faded--I'm gay. Just my experience...

 

When I first started thinking about my sexuality (I kind of denied it for quite a while) I thought I was bi with a preference for girls but that label didn't feel quite right. After joining EC and reading about other peoples' experiences, I'm now quite sure I'm bi-romantic.

I'm only out to 7 friends and only 2 know I'm bi-romantic because I used to say I was bisexual before. I'm coming close to telling another of the friends, and this is significant because I sort of have a romantic crush on him but definitely not a sexual one... so yeah

I wouldn't mind explaining to the others about being bi-romantic, but the question of my sexuality isn't ever relevant to what we talk about, because I try as much as I can not to let it be my defining characteristic. If they ask, I'll definitely explain but otherwise it's sort of irrelevant.

 

I'm a panromantic homosexual; I can get romantically involved with just anyone if our minds connect. I'm only sexually turned on by women.

 

Interesting topic... I was wondering about this one, too. I'm mostly sexually attracted by other women (I'm female) but I think I can also have a sexual relatioship with a man if there is a deep emotional connection. Not sure. Most of my romantic crushes are men, I think I like the "masculine behaviour". Not macho guys though But if I'm in love with a guy, I'm afraid I'll hurt them or that I'll end up pretending to be sexually attracted to him (that has happened before). I second that about the romantic attracion being linked with society etc because I have got some crushes on women (although more rare ones) and I discovered that I'm actually capable of having romantic feelings towards them since I got my first girlfriend. It's kinda different, I become more protective etc especially if they are very feminine but I like it, too. ^^ Maybe, in the end, I'll turn lesbian, I don't know. I only fantasize about women. Still, I identify as bisexual to anyone who's wondering, because explaining all this would be time-consuming and confusing for most people. I hate being bisexual and confused at the same time... the stereotype, you know... :S

 

I think most people have to rigid an idea of sexual and romantic orientation here.Just so you know I can fully relate.I have always been romantically attracted to women and I doubt that will change anytime soon

People seem to disregard the fact of being both biromantic and gay/lesbian.It is entirely possible.

As far as advice goes I am not sure what to advise you.I just label myself as gay for practical reasons.It will probably just be easier to have relationships with guys,since sex has some importance.If we lived in a different world I would happily have had an asexual relationship with a girl,since it would probably be more emotionally rewarding than with a guy.But in the end,most people want some form of sex eventually.Cant say I blame them either,because I think deep down you and I know that we probably do as well.

I would have probably felt much more of an emotional connection with a girlfriend,but since the sexual attraction is there to a very minimal extent and to avoid hurting others(and myself),I try to think of it this way.I just have not found the right guy emotionally yet.In the end I fall in love with the person,but the chances of being with a guy is just higher than being with a girl and being with a girl can cause all kinds of problems later onwards.

Once I find a partner I plan on being open about this.Its good enough to just let those that are really close to you and understanding know.As far as the rest goes,it would probably just be easier to identify as gay(but that is ultimately up to you).People can have negative and cruel reactions to that which they do not understand and it does not really matter what the technicalities are anyway.It matters who you are inside.

 

I'm having the same situation too. I use bisexual since is easier, but it's a lot more than that. I feel sexual attraction to guys, but no emotional attraction. With girls I feel physical and emotional, but sexual I still don't know(I might be demisexual with girls, not sure yet).

So it's kind of frustrating because sex is not all that important to me, you could say I feel lust to guys, just that. With girls is totally different, but I can't feel sexual attraction towards unknown girls.

Sexuality and all this other things are so complicated. I don't even know what my label would be, bisexual is easier to use.

 

I understand this as well. I feel like I'm somewhat bisexual because I'm still sexually attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to women. I may be demisexual when it comes to women as well. I would love to just say "lesbian" because I can mostly see myself with another woman.

 

I think that, in comparison to straight people, we give much more thought about all the possibilities of our sexuality, and we understand that it's rarely either black or white.

Many self-claimed "100% straight" people could probably have sex with a person of the same sex, if the only freed themselves of prejudice and imposed limits. Nevertheless there would often be no romantic feeling, hence they would focus on sex with someone of the opposite sex.

 

This is what confused me so much. I liked having a girlfriend. I liked romantic dates. I liked snuggling with a girl. However. a man's body made me hot! They kept telling me that being with guys was; wrong, unnatural, immoral, and disgusting. For a long time it gave me a mental block toward thinking of a man romantically. It was just hot sex with a load of guilt.
Sex with a woman was mutual masturbation at best.

 

I'm in the same boat! I label myself a Homo-Demi Hetero-Romantic Bisexual, but I'm still questioning and making sure that's who I am, though I am pretty sure I am.

I'm a girl who is emotionally attracted to guys and romantically attracted to girls, however, I need an emotional bond before I can experience emotional attraction with girls (demisexuality) and I have fallen in love with a few women before (as well as a few men because I still haven't really fallen in hardcore love that much). I'm afraid that if I ever am crazy enough to come out to my parents, I'll just say bisexual and not add all the detail with demisexuality, because then they'll probably think I'm choosing the way I feel about girls or that I can choose to just date boys solely, when I really can't - It's a part of me to like men AND women and I can't pick to just like men; I'm actually craving a girlfriend more than a boyfriend right now too.

Then, as for sexually, I am VERY sexually attracted towards girl, but I rarely feel sexual attraction to guys. Because of this, people will call me a lesbian or think I'm not really attracted to guys because I don't want sex from them, when actually, I feel very much attracted to men; I'm really not a lesbian. That's why I call myself bisexual lol :lol:

All in all, I understand some of your struggling, but you just have to forget about what everyone else says because only YOU can say who you love or not. People just really need to be educated on the fact that sexuality is complex and that not even the straightest or gayest person is a complete 100% heterosexual or homosexual. They also need to accept you for you and not question it so much because really, it's love and everyone deserves it

So, yep, I say just be yourself and don't let what they say bother you (even though it can be annoying!) I'm here to talk more if you need! Have a great day!! :icon_bigg