So, I'm finally out! I told everybody I'm marrying my girl; I posted it on facebook and everything! It feels so so so good!! So freeing, I'm so happy! And yet inside there's a small twinge of, "but now they think I'm gay..." which even to me sounds a trifle absurd seeing as I'm in love with a girl. But before my love I only ever fell for men, and there were several who I fell for very badly. I never considered I was anything other than straight, and then we fell in love and I have only had eyes for her ever since. I have no idea what gender I would find most attractive if I was single, I can't imagine being with anyone else even enough to work it out. The other day I told my boss (who has been my biggest champion in all this even without knowing it most of the time) that I had posted my engagement on Facebook and he said, "Wow, being able to tell people you're gay is a huge deal!" and inside I was thinking, "But I'm not, I'm not!" I'm proud of my love, I'm proud of our relationship, I'm so touched by how supportive everyone has been of us as we've spread the news, and I'm proud of myself for being strong and honest about my life. I'm so incredibly happy with my life at the moment, deliriously so at times. I used to worry these worries were denial and not wanting to be who I am, but being as satisfied as I am now I don't think that's true. This whole thing isn't something that I will ever "need" to know, surely it's irrelevant - I'm getting married and don't feel as though I have to know who I'm attracted to other than the love of my life. I just feel stronger in myself and in my identity than I have in many years, and this is just the last niggling group of thoughts that jump about for my attention and I feel that I should address it so that I can feel more grounded and confident. I thought maybe some of you wise people here might have some insight so I can put them to rest once and for all? (*hug*) P.S. I just remembered - a few weeks ago we were talking to an old mutual friend who I've known since she was a little toddler. It was her first time seeing us as a couple and she was very happy for us, and trying to get used to the idea. She said to me late one night, "Wow, I can't believe it.... I just.... wow. I don't... I mean, I can't see you as a lesbian. I don't see you guys as gay, just two people who fell in love. Does that make sense?" and I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I thought, "Someone gets it!" Does any of this make sense? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing? Edited to say: I just realised that despite all the men I fell for badly in the years before I was with my love, I always had my excuses to keep them at a slight distance physically. My friends and I used to call them "emotional affairs". To the extent that at 25, my love was my first everything, even first kiss. Hmmm.
I'm happy for you and wish I had the same determination as you. As a child I wanted to be a female so bad but I was made fun of, beaten up, and even had a mother who would whip me when she caught me acting like a female. It felt natural to me but I soon learned to hide my true self. Please don't let small minds control your life like they did mine. I regret every day I don't get to be me but live someone else's life. Good luck and be happy.
Hello! First off, congratulations on your marriage, I am so happy for you!! I hope to have a relationship like you guys one day <3 Anyways, I personally think that labeling isn't that important, though I would think that you are just straight with an exception (there have been other stories like that too) and might be pansexual if you don't see gender as a factor when it comes to love. However, I'd say you are more the straight side, just with one amazing exception! :icon_bigg Again, just focus on being who you are and loving your girl, because you are some lucky!!! May God bless you and your soon to be wife for the rest of your lives(*hug*)
