Hey! So, I'm a cisgendered girl and I've been really unsure about my sexuality (on and off) for about four years. I kind of want to make everything clear, so I'm afraid I'll ramble significantly in this. Basically, I can't ever remember having a burning crush on a boy OR a girl. I remember sort of liking one guy but he turned out to be gay anyway and I'm not sure it was a proper 'crush' so to speak (I was twelve and this was the last thing I remember about liking a guy). After this, I had a friend who I was kind of obsessed with. We had a weird friendship; we argued a lot and were only proper friends for about half the time we knew each other. She also pretty much bullied me for a good part of one of those years. Anyway, what I'm saying is, I was always obsessed with being her friend. I would forgive her anything to be friends with me and even give in to her arguments where I knew I was in the right. I don't know if this signifies a 'crush', or whether it was just me being pathetic. I've kissed both boys and girls in clubs. If a guy comes up to me, I'll feel the attraction (probably because he's rubbing himself all over me) but I get kind of grossed out by kissing them and generally pull away after about three seconds. It just feels slimy and EW. With girls, I'll stick with the same girl and we'll kiss multiple times and it'll just feel...nice. I don't ever remember feeling as 'turned on' or whatever when the girl is there, but maybe that's just because they're not rubbing themselves all over me like the guys are. I'll generally seek girls to make out with because I just feel more comfortable. I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with a man. Like, I try and think of it and I just can't. I can imagine one with a girl. If I'm walking down the road and I see an attractive girl I'll get that feeling in my stomach. I generally don't notice men as much; for example I went to something with my friends and one of them commented "there are so many hot guys in here" and I hadn't even noticed. I think I'm quicker to pick out an attractive girl than an attractive guy but I'm not sure. Sometimes I'll see a girl and I'm just like "YES". Because I've been so unsure about this for so long, I'm constantly second guessing myself. I'll ask myself if I've simply convinced myself I'm gay but I'm actually straight. Sometimes I'll think I might be bisexual but then I'm not sure again. Sometimes I'll think I'm straight and then I'll see a girl and think "why the hell did I think I was straight?!" I know it's something you're meant to find out on your own, but I just CAN'T. I've been confused about this for so long that I just need to KNOW. I'm 18 and I want to date someone but I don't want to go on a date with the 'wrong' gender etc and then have to let them down when I realise it's not what I want. Thank you so much for your help
Hello!! I've been questioning myself too and sometimes it gets frustrating not knowing exactly who you are, but I have known more and more about my sexuality since I first questioned myself, so I am sure you will figure it out soon too! Anyways, I also never really had any insane crush on guys or girls either, just a couple of times for each gender and that was all some years back too! I feel as though you have a big preference for girls, though could be bi-romantic! Like a biromantic lesbian, since you seem to like girls so much more than guys to me! However, you may just need to explore a little more. And like you said, you could of just felt a little attraction to that guy because of him rubbing all over you, but then again, you should just continue to explore! I feel attraction to guys as well, but it's not sexual, most of the time, sexually things with a guy gross me out, though yaoi slash fanfiction turns me on a little. I'm like super sexually attracted to girls, and romantically as well, though I need a strong emotional bond in order to feel the attraction (demisexuality) for the most part, though there have been exceptions. Maybe you may be demisexual with guys or something? And I'm the same with picking out hotter girls than guys too! I actually want a girlfriend more than a boyfriend at the moment as well. So, yeah, you could be bisexual with more of a preference for women. Also, biromantic lesbian sounds really close to what you are describing as well. And I am going through the exact thing, it's been like 8 months and like I just want to know right now exactly who I am and not just be 80-90% sure! Of course, it does take patience and someone had some great advice in that you should "let you sexuality find you" instead of thinking about it so much. Maybe then there wouldn't be so much second guessing! Just be who you are, because no matter who you turn out to be, so many people, including me, will still love and support you!! If you need any more help, please feel free to talk to me and reply back to this!! I hope I helped you!! Have a great day!!
Thank you so much! This helps a lot I'm really not bothered either way, it would just be relieving to know, haha! I guess I'll think about it some more but I think I'm leaning towards girls anyway; the idea of being with a guy makes me feel kind of weird, haha :L
I kinda went through a similar process. It's not like I find girls "weird" or unattractive, it's just that it's so insignificant, so why bother? I wouldn't be myself, and I wouldn't really be able to get very intimate anyways. I'm just happy I came to realize that without breaking someone's heart. Ultimately it's you who has to know what's best, but I say follow your instincts, if you feel you need to go after girls, do it!
You're welcome!! And really?? Oh my goodness, I am so happy I could help!! Also, maybe you should look at pictures of handsome men and women (like your favorite celebs or something) and see which one gives you more feels!! But of course, that's only if you feel you need to keep exploring!! You do seem to lean more towards girls, so just stick with them and I hope you find the girl of your dreams :icon_wink
I think the best way to figure out your sexuality is to just roll with. If you like a girl, that's fine. You like a guy? That's fine too. You don't need to have had crushes on both men and women in order to be bisexual, and you don't have to be bisexual in order to feel an attraction towards both genders. So you see, it's all quite diffuse anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about labeling myself. Just do whatever feels right, and maybe you'll begin to identify wth one sexuality or the other as you go along.
Thank you to everyone! I guess I'll just roll with it and see! I think at the moment I'm leaning towards girls; men do nothing for me apart from base sexual attraction...so maybe homoromantic bisexual...I don't even know, haha!
