I'm a confused 20 year old male. HELP?

You sound more bicurious than gay to be honest.
I think the important thing about being gay is being able to be in love with and have an emotional attraction for your partner. It sounds like you don't have that for guys, therefore you can't really live a gay lifestyle. If you can't see yourself marrying a man, raising a family with him, or being in a relationship emotionally with one then chances are you're just bicurious sexually. Porn isn't really an indicator of your sexuality to be honest. I know other straight guys who have watched and enjoyed gay porn just like I know straight girls into lesbian porn. What's happening is your probably horny and may gay porn intrigues you cause it's different. Also it is pretty hot. I'm a lesbian and I've seen some gay porn and even I get a bit turned on after watching it.
Does that make me crave dick or guys after watching it though? Nope, because the idea makes me uncomfortable. If it makes you uncomfortable don't pursue it.

 

Wow, reading this makes me think that we're the same person, just living in different countries. From everything I've read, it sounds like you're gay, meaning that you like men. And that makes me realize that I may be gay too, although I feel more comfortable privately labeling myself as questioning, and I've only told one close friend this. I'm Christian, so that's a big factor in why I haven't identified as gay yet, because I'm still not sure if I am. I want to be 100% sure.

So, I know how tough it can be having attractions that you never asked for. Even though you haven't felt any emotional attractions to guys, that may mean that you haven't found the right guy yet. I thought the same thing too until I met this one guy. We hung out a couple of times, and it was like hitting a brick wall, I felt sexually and emotionally attracted to him, even though I didn't really know him that well. We don't talk now, and my feelings for him have decreased dramatically, so that just leaves me more confused.

In time, you will have a better feel for what your sexual orientation is. By not watching any porn (which is really hard) you can let your natural fantasies give you a hint as to which gender you find most attractive.

 

Check out the Gay Christian Network. I can't speak from firsthand experience since I'm Jewish, but I have a couple of friends who are involved with the group and they said it really helps them find a way to accept being both gay and Christian.

 

Confuseduser99,

I know exactly what you are going through as well. I grew up in a very conservative household...very religious...very strict. I also knew that I was very different from the other boys going back to the first day of school when they all went and played sports, and I wanted to play on the playground equipment.

I also have never been attracted sexual to women. I have tried dating them, but I cannot bring myself to doing anything sexually with them because I know it is just a lie and I do not want to hurt them.

I have also dealt with the conflict inside of myself for years over I like guys/ the great religion debate. What really has helped me in the last few years is that when I heard a someone speak about God and that he is perfect and that he does not make mistakes. He made me this way for a reason. It is now my job to figure out why he made me this way.

I also think this whole process of accepting who I am has also made me stronger as a Christian. It makes me think more about what are the broader themes of the Bible: that God is a kind God, not vindictive. Also that he alone judges all people, and that it is not our job to judge others (Something that I think all the conservatives in the world have forgotten about.)

My advice to you: Stay in contact with people on this board. This is a great community, and we all support each other. You might feel very lonely and upset, but do not give up on your faith. You will get through this. This is a challenge that God has given you.

 

[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the responses.

How exactly though have you dealt with this as a Christian, Iowan1976? I feel like it is a challenge that God has given me, but if I act upon this challenge (temptation), does that mean that I have failed his trial and tribulation? Will I go to hell for it, since those who engage in homosexual behavior shall not inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9).

Have you ever experimented with anyone before (girls and guys)? If so, has that helped you out in anyway?[/QUOTE]


One thing that is very confusing about the Bible is that was not transferred to various languages correctly. If I remember correctly, the original word in that verse is the an ancient Greek word that has many different meanings, and different scholars have changed its meaning over time. Plus if you look at the verse from different versions of the bible, it also has a different meanings.

The Bible also talks about stoning people, like disobedient children. Surely, we do not go out and do that anymore?

Times change and what is accepted in society changes to. What I always come back to is this: I believe that God is going to reward all people who believe in him, repent their sins, and who put the needs of others before themselves.

There are a lot of resources out there that helped me realize this.

I have not done anything sexual with a man or woman. I am one of those romantic types. that wants to wait for the right person. I just know that I was made to be attracted to guys. Every time I am in public I am drawn to them. It is part of me.

 

First, belated welcome to EC! I strongly encourage you to spend time here; this site is amazingly helpful.

It doesn't have to. Yes, there are gay men who are nothing but a walking penis looking for other gay men. But your sexuality is really only a part of who you are.

Up until a year ago, my attractions to other males were limited and very superficial. (At that point, I was using Denial Mechanism #257: "I could have a fling with another man, but it wouldn't mean anything!") That started changing the minute I accepted I'm gay.

Marrying a woman could be a ticket for disaster if you are gay. Take a good, long, hard look at the LGBT Later in Life section. What happens is many men manage to stagger along for 20-30 years, and then the crap hits the fan.

I managed to avoid a wife (and thus the problems of a divorce, etc). But even I have discovered that same sex attraction just doesn't go away because it's not convenient.

There are a lot of people who consider themselves Christian, and are fine with being in a LTR same sex relationship. I personally would think that if God wants someone to be chaste, He would create them asexual. But that's just my liberal more-spiritual-than-religious view. :lol:

All this said...there are differing opinions. And, at this point, the issue of reconciling your religion to your sexual orientation is probably not the biggest problem.

It is a lot to deal with. But it's better to deal with this now than when you are in your 40s. Trust me.

 

You are right. No guarantees that you won't be dealing with this for some time. But...by getting started now, you will, one hopes, get done sooner.

I came to EC in February 2013, and came out to myself sometime spring 2013. A year-plus later am I where I might be ideally? No. But I have made some good progress.

---------- Post added 26th Apr 2014 at 09:11 PM ----------

Perhaps someone with more porn knowledge than I have will chime in. But...I somehow doubt that gay porn will make someone interested in gay sex.

Or put it this way: has straight porn done anything--anything--to make you interested in sex with a woman?

Another view... When you masturbate without porn what goes through your mind? Since I was a teenager, my interest in fantasies was pretty much dominated by other guys. Even when I thought about about a straight couple having sex, my interest was more on the guy.

 

This is a hard process to go through. Honesty, there are plenty of times I'd have possibly dealt my sexual orientation...and then taken a look at the journey I'd take, and hid in the back of my closet... I bet this happened many times in the 10 years before joining EC.

However...you don't have to deal with this all at once. As the cliché says, a journey begins with a single step. And I think you've taken several steps now.

I talked about this before on EC. But I started swim lessons when I was in my 20s. (Older than you are now!) This was after a lifetime of being scared stiff of water. Within months I was swimming in deep water. But the key was that it was one step at a time. I didn't jump off the diving board on day 1. Instead, I gingerly climbed down into 3 feet of water. And slowly, step after step, built up to the diving board.

If you suffer from incurable insomnia, you'll find my story and Full Inspirational Speech in one of my blog entries.

 

It depends on how you feel... Both should be accepting since they are both gay. But it can be hard talking to someone whom you know. And the blabbermouth is probably a real concern. He should understand the importance of staying quiet, but some people let things slip all too easily... The "more acquaintance" might be easier since he's not as close a friend.

Another option would be finding someone whom you don't know. Someone at a GSA, PFLAG, etc.

You might get some value out of the 2 friends. You can ask the Christian, for example, how he reconciles his orientation with Christianity. The problem is, of course, it would be all too easy for them to start guessing why you are interested. There is a fine line between I wonder about this because I wonder and I wonder about this because this is something I have to deal with in my own life.