Whenever I identify myself as gay I feel calm and at peace. That peace lasts until I notice an attractive guy. Then I start thinking that I might be bi. When I think I'm bi I feel very anxious, maybe a bit sick to the stomach and like I want to cry or just explode.
I think I can actually relate to you a lot. I'd rather identfy as gay and feel at peace when I do but then I get self doubts that make me anxious and feel terrible and scared and I'd much rather be gay than bi or anything else. I think if you're into the idea of being in a gay relationship as long as you feel at ease with it then go ahead. I think what you and I have is an OCD problem. Go see a therapist, and perhaphs get put on some OCD meds and get proper guidance, that's what I'm gonna do soon
I have talked to my counselor about OCD. She doesn't take that concern seriously because I'm mostly using information I found online. She also doesn't take my sexuality concerns too seriously. She just doesn't understand why I'm so anxious about my sexuality. She just tells me to stop worrying about it. She thinks that I shouldn't be so worried about my sexuality at my age. My mom is taking me to another counselor to get a second opinion. Hopefully she takes my OCD and sexuality concerns more seriously.
Not sure if this will help any. But for what it's worth, I honestly struggled with the bisexual question for a long time. When I joined EC, I knew I had same sex attraction. But...a part of me thought I might have some attraction to women, too. And one argument was seeing an occasional woman who made an impression. In fact, I saw one woman who had (I thought) incredible beauty less than 2, 3 months before joining EC, whom I was still thinking about. But in the end, I came to realize that yes, I can appreciate some women, but I really have zero sexual attraction.
I can relate to this feeling all too well, only as a gay man. The gay question is one that ultimately doesn't always make sense from the start even if that's how you personally feel best with. For years, I knew I was gay and that if I were ever going to get into a relationship, it would be with a guy, but then if I saw an attractive woman, then I'd get nervous and question whether or not I was hiding behind the word gay. But I think it depends how you truly feel. Can you actually imagine yourself with the opposite sex? Does imagining yourself with the same sex truly feel comfortable? Are you prepared to possibly make the first move with the same sex to find out? I think these are the questions you have to ask mentally. Chances are, you're probably gay and seeing an attractive man is either because you think he's good looking without finding him sexually appealing or over complicating the issue. Best of luck.
I agree with NicoletteChris. Your counselor sounds inept at their job. I would get a new counselor, someone who will actually evaluate you, and if you have OCD or not. Plus, if you feel at peace identifying as gay, then you should stick with that. If the label thing is bothering you, then just keep an open mind toward guys in addition to girls.
