Hello, I've taken some time and thought things through and I am pretty sure that, whatever I am, I am most certainly not straight. I was wondering, however, how do you tell the difference between a crush/ romantic interest in a person and very intimate friendships or admiration? Growing up, I remind myself of Anne (Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery) - I have always noticed girls/women around me more than boys/men. I valued friendship very highly and got very emotionally close with my (female) friends. I remember admiring female teachers and trying to emulate them. I idolized female friends and teachers alike. I never gave it much thought. I liked boys - as friends - too, but never got emotionally close to them. Come puberty, I lied about having crushes on boys when pressed, but I could never understand the fascination my friends had developed with boys. It's like they all got handed a pair of hormone-goggles while I wasn't present. It annoyed me a great deal. As I said, I have had girl crushes or idolized female teachers and celebs, but I never gave it much thought. I thought every girl was like that. I have never really thought about if I would like to kiss a girl (or even more) or if I would like to be in a relationship with one. It never crossed my mind, because I was busy trying to fit in (have "straight" feelings). I never allowed myself to develop strong interest in women that way ... I am not sure if it's because I wanted to be "normal" (i.e. straight), or because of low self esteem (girls wouldn't want me either) or because I might be, in fact, arom and/or ace and not gay at all. So... I would like to know: what were you like growing up? How did you behave/feel towards female friends and teachers (or celebs)? Did you crush on girls? Were you really attracted to them - also in a romantic and/or sexual way? How could you tell?
The difference bteween friendship and crush for me is like when I see a girl i have a crush on I get this 'feeling'. Kind of butterflies in my belly, feeling a bit dizzy and can hardly breath. A friend is for me someone I can talk bout anything, I don't feel uncomfortable around and I can trust. I grew up as a tomboy with a faible for knights, swords, Lego and nature. I always played knights with wooden swords with my little brother and Lego with my friends that were boys. And even with girls I was most of the time outside. I didn't behave different towards girls or female teachers in comparison with male ones. I didn't know there could be a difference how to behave Until around 12 or 13 I was never romantically/sexually attracted to someone nor had a crush on anyone. I think. I have no idea, I just guess it I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be that way that others would accept me to be, so I thought. So I pretended I like boys and that stuff. It took me some time to recognize I'm not that way as the others were. I'm different. Before that I denied it, ignored it, whatever. Well, I hope that kinda helped you somehow. If you need any help, feel free to message me
My story is basically the same as yours. I grew up always having crushes on girls, some of my female teachers and ONLY female celebs but i always defaulted to men because of the environment I was raised in. I could never understand how some girls can ONLY like men, I couldn't. It is not uncommon what you are experiencing I just think you need to be around women who have been there and can offer you the necessary advice which you seek. I hope this has helped. Feel free to message and talk to me. I will try to help in any capacity that I can.
I'm pretty sure I am bisexual, but I am still in the questioning boat like you are!! Anyways, the reason why I think I have attraction to girls is because in middle school, I remember admiring two of my female teachers so much, yet being really nervous around them too. I can especially remember my PE teacher, oh, she was like the best. I still miss her; this morning I even cried while thinking about her because, although I'm not into her in that way anymore, I still kind of want my Mrs. L (that's what I'll call her) back... In the 8th grade, I always wanted to impress her, so I always did every push up and sit up, no matter how much it hurt (and boy did it!). I got mad whenever she gave more attention to other students besides me (& of course she would talk to the other students more because I was lame & shy) and when I looked back in my diary, her name was all over in it!! I thought about her everyday, like she was my life in 8th grade. I told everyone I was "scared of her" because I didn't really know what I was feeling and if I was feeling something different than the norm, then I didn't want my classmates, who have already made fun of me before because of that, to know that I could of possibly loved Mrs. L. I remember having a few crushes on my other female classmates too, one in particular. It was the same thing with Mrs. L, although I wasn't as nervous - I still simply adore that girl and always wanted to get to know her more. And since I'm demisexual with women (I think I am, though I have had exceptions before), it all took knowing those women for a while and forming an emotional bond with them to feel the attraction I felt towards them. So yep, that's my story! Although I'm not completely a lesbian, still, those are the signs that lead me to believing I was bisexual. I hoped I helped!! If you ever need to talk more, remember I'm here!!
Thing for me is I never had a crush on any women only guys but as I got older I had a Crush on a female friend for a while and always had sexual dreams about random women
I think the difference between a crush and a friend is that you get butterflies or nervous feelings around a crush. You tend to overlook their faults and can get obsessed with finding out more about them. You fantasize about kissing them and being with them. Usually It can come with a desire for sex as well. I personally, am in the "grey" area between sexual and non-sexual, so my sexual thoughts for a person takes years to develop (even when I have a crush) and I think more about romantic activities. I liked boys when young only because I guess it was forced on me as the normal thing to do. Even then I only liked REALLY femme guys, and my sexual desires for them were really non-heteronormative. I think that's how I realized I liked girls when I couldn't fit in hetero culture and found femininity more attractive (although I do like butches these days as well too).
I feel as though I very much relate to your story/childhood. And I like the Anne of Green Gables reference! I remember having sort of tiny crushes on female teachers, but as a child of course I did not notice this, but came to realise later on. Yet it may have been just admiration, or longing for a second mother figure, perhaps? I didn't care about sexuality at all at the time so I don't really clearly remember any other feelings I may have had. I had a boyfriend or two but they meant nothing much to me as I look back now. I never thought about being with the other sex and was probably unaware a thing such as sexuality even existed. I just did not care. I was a child, after all? The thing is, I am as well trying to figure out the difference between the crush and the admiration thing. I've noticed I get very easily infatuated with females but I never know what this exactly means. Maybe it is because of their mostly caring and compassionate nature, I don't know. Seeing that I am very sensitive these kinds of traits may touch me deeper than they would another person. All so very confusing...
I've been thinking of childhood clues, or signs along the way, alot lately. Did my perimenopausal hormones sneakily turn me gay over the past 5 years? Or was there something always there? Ugh, I started replying to the thread, but I don't feel well tonight. I'm going to go lie down and maybe another time.
Hi everyone :icon_bigg Your answers were really helpful. I still am confused, but I don't feel so alone with it all anymore. Thanks. Same for me. I always pretended to be interested in boys, to find them attractive - hoping that someday I eventually WOULD find "that" boy and feel those things towards him in earnest. Same story indeed. Only problem is: where do you meet women who have been there? Sure, online - like here - but other than that? I have no idea. I've been trying to find lesbian bars, groups ... something... in my area, but I couldn't find anything. As I am shy, I prefer talking online for now... but I fear that I won't know for sure if I am lesbian or not until I have some experience ... like in real life. :redface: Hi I can relate to your story a lot. I was like that with a lot of my teachers. Like jealously obsessed and wanting their attention. I was also very possesive of my friends. The caziness got less after school, but then I had "crushes" on two of my teachers at college as an undergrad again. I admired those women so much that I really worked my butt off in their classes and got all happy and giddy whenever I would get praise. It would also totally tick me off when they gave mor attention to other students in class. For one of those teachers I even wrote a sonnet, because she was so fascinating as a person to me. (Oh boy, i must sound totally crazy). Reading my own words - yup, sounds gay to me BUT even when I get all OBSESSIVE like this, I never felt the urge to act upon it. I spent a lot of time denying my infatuations - even to myself. I have a hard time trusting people and I suspect I might be the same as you when it comes to attraction. I want to get to know that person better, get really close, like a very close friendship mostly. Might be I need that kind of bond first, before my thoughts and feelings will wander anywhere else ... ?? Sounds like me. It confuses me a lot. Because I have a hard time telling strong friendship/ admiration/ infatuation/ desire for romantic (not sexual) activities apart. My feelings are just a funny blur when it comes to women. Not very sexual initially - that's about all I know for sure. Ugh. I have wondered the same thing. I cannot make sense of it all ... Hi I hope you feel better soon. We are after answers for the same question: "was there something always there?" and "if so, what exactly is that something and what does it mean fo me?" :smilewave