1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

question for lesbians - behavior growing up?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by JenniferMarie, Apr 26, 2014.

  1. JenniferMarie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hello,

    I've taken some time and thought things through and I am pretty sure that, whatever I am, I am most certainly not straight.

    I was wondering, however, how do you tell the difference between a crush/ romantic interest in a person and very intimate friendships or admiration?

    Growing up, I remind myself of Anne (Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery) - I have always noticed girls/women around me more than boys/men. I valued friendship very highly and got very emotionally close with my (female) friends. I remember admiring female teachers and trying to emulate them. I idolized female friends and teachers alike.
    I never gave it much thought. I liked boys - as friends - too, but never got emotionally close to them. Come puberty, I lied about having crushes on boys when pressed, but I could never understand the fascination my friends had developed with boys. It's like they all got handed a pair of hormone-goggles while I wasn't present. It annoyed me a great deal.

    As I said, I have had girl crushes or idolized female teachers and celebs, but I never gave it much thought. I thought every girl was like that.
    I have never really thought about if I would like to kiss a girl (or even more) or if I would like to be in a relationship with one. It never crossed my mind, because I was busy trying to fit in (have "straight" feelings).

    I never allowed myself to develop strong interest in women that way ... I am not sure if it's because I wanted to be "normal" (i.e. straight), or because of low self esteem (girls wouldn't want me either) or because I might be, in fact, arom and/or ace and not gay at all.

    So...
    I would like to know:
    what were you like growing up? How did you behave/feel towards female friends and teachers (or celebs)? Did you crush on girls? Were you really attracted to them - also in a romantic and/or sexual way? How could you tell?
     
  2. CharlsOn

    CharlsOn Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2014
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    The difference bteween friendship and crush for me is like when I see a girl i have a crush on I get this 'feeling'. Kind of butterflies in my belly, feeling a bit dizzy and can hardly breath. A friend is for me someone I can talk bout anything, I don't feel uncomfortable around and I can trust.
    I grew up as a tomboy with a faible for knights, swords, Lego and nature. I always played knights with wooden swords with my little brother and Lego with my friends that were boys. And even with girls I was most of the time outside.
    I didn't behave different towards girls or female teachers in comparison with male ones. I didn't know there could be a difference how to behave:grin: Until around 12 or 13 I was never romantically/sexually attracted to someone nor had a crush on anyone. I think. I have no idea, I just guess it:grin: I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be that way that others would accept me to be, so I thought. So I pretended I like boys and that stuff. It took me some time to recognize I'm not that way as the others were. I'm different. Before that I denied it, ignored it, whatever.
    Well, I hope that kinda helped you somehow.
    If you need any help, feel free to message me:slight_smile:
     
  3. BeTrue

    BeTrue Guest

    My story is basically the same as yours. I grew up always having crushes on girls, some of my female teachers and ONLY female celebs but i always defaulted to men because of the environment I was raised in. I could never understand how some girls can ONLY like men, I couldn't. It is not uncommon what you are experiencing I just think you need to be around women who have been there and can offer you the necessary advice which you seek. I hope this has helped. Feel free to message and talk to me. I will try to help in any capacity that I can.
     
  4. I'm pretty sure I am bisexual, but I am still in the questioning boat like you are!!

    Anyways, the reason why I think I have attraction to girls is because in middle school, I remember admiring two of my female teachers so much, yet being really nervous around them too. I can especially remember my PE teacher, oh, she was like the best. I still miss her; this morning I even cried while thinking about her because, although I'm not into her in that way anymore, I still kind of want my Mrs. L (that's what I'll call her) back... In the 8th grade, I always wanted to impress her, so I always did every push up and sit up, no matter how much it hurt (and boy did it!). I got mad whenever she gave more attention to other students besides me (& of course she would talk to the other students more because I was lame & shy) and when I looked back in my diary, her name was all over in it!! I thought about her everyday, like she was my life in 8th grade. I told everyone I was "scared of her" because I didn't really know what I was feeling and if I was feeling something different than the norm, then I didn't want my classmates, who have already made fun of me before because of that, to know that I could of possibly loved Mrs. L.

    I remember having a few crushes on my other female classmates too, one in particular. It was the same thing with Mrs. L, although I wasn't as nervous - I still simply adore that girl and always wanted to get to know her more.

    And since I'm demisexual with women (I think I am, though I have had exceptions before), it all took knowing those women for a while and forming an emotional bond with them to feel the attraction I felt towards them.

    So yep, that's my story! Although I'm not completely a lesbian, still, those are the signs that lead me to believing I was bisexual. I hoped I helped!! If you ever need to talk more, remember I'm here!! :slight_smile:
     
  5. lovely lesbian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2013
    Messages:
    3,818
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    UK
    Thing for me is I never had a crush on any women only guys but as I got older I had a Crush on a female friend for a while and always had sexual dreams about random women
     
  6. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I think the difference between a crush and a friend is that you get butterflies or nervous feelings around a crush. You tend to overlook their faults and can get obsessed with finding out more about them. You fantasize about kissing them and being with them. Usually It can come with a desire for sex as well. I personally, am in the "grey" area between sexual and non-sexual, so my sexual thoughts for a person takes years to develop (even when I have a crush) and I think more about romantic activities.

    I liked boys when young only because I guess it was forced on me as the normal thing to do. Even then I only liked REALLY femme guys, and my sexual desires for them were really non-heteronormative. I think that's how I realized I liked girls when I couldn't fit in hetero culture and found femininity more attractive (although I do like butches these days as well too).
     
  7. deer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    the clouds
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel as though I very much relate to your story/childhood. And I like the Anne of Green Gables reference!

    I remember having sort of tiny crushes on female teachers, but as a child of course I did not notice this, but came to realise later on. Yet it may have been just admiration, or longing for a second mother figure, perhaps?
    I didn't care about sexuality at all at the time so I don't really clearly remember any other feelings I may have had. I had a boyfriend or two but they meant nothing much to me as I look back now. I never thought about being with the other sex and was probably unaware a thing such as sexuality even existed. I just did not care. I was a child, after all?

    The thing is, I am as well trying to figure out the difference between the crush and the admiration thing. I've noticed I get very easily infatuated with females but I never know what this exactly means. Maybe it is because of their mostly caring and compassionate nature, I don't know. Seeing that I am very sensitive these kinds of traits may touch me deeper than they would another person. All so very confusing...
     
  8. anaisninja

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2014
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PNW
    I've been thinking of childhood clues, or signs along the way, alot lately. Did my perimenopausal hormones sneakily turn me gay over the past 5 years? Or was there something always there?

    Ugh, I started replying to the thread, but I don't feel well tonight. I'm going to go lie down and maybe another time.
     
  9. JenniferMarie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi everyone :icon_bigg

    Your answers were really helpful. I still am confused, but I don't feel so alone with it all anymore. Thanks.


    Same for me. I always pretended to be interested in boys, to find them attractive - hoping that someday I eventually WOULD find "that" boy and feel those things towards him in earnest.

    Same story indeed. Only problem is: where do you meet women who have been there? Sure, online - like here - but other than that? I have no idea. I've been trying to find lesbian bars, groups ... something... in my area, but I couldn't find anything. As I am shy, I prefer talking online for now... but I fear that I won't know for sure if I am lesbian or not until I have some experience ... like in real life. :redface:

    Hi :slight_smile: I can relate to your story a lot. I was like that with a lot of my teachers. Like jealously obsessed and wanting their attention. I was also very possesive of my friends.
    The caziness got less after school, but then I had "crushes" on two of my teachers at college as an undergrad again. I admired those women so much that I really worked my butt off in their classes and got all happy and giddy whenever I would get praise. It would also totally tick me off when they gave mor attention to other students in class. For one of those teachers I even wrote a sonnet, because she was so fascinating as a person to me. (Oh boy, i must sound totally crazy).

    Reading my own words - yup, sounds gay to me BUT even when I get all OBSESSIVE like this, I never felt the urge to act upon it. I spent a lot of time denying my infatuations - even to myself.

    I have a hard time trusting people and I suspect I might be the same as you when it comes to attraction. I want to get to know that person better, get really close, like a very close friendship mostly. Might be I need that kind of bond first, before my thoughts and feelings will wander anywhere else ... ??

    Sounds like me. It confuses me a lot. Because I have a hard time telling strong friendship/ admiration/ infatuation/ desire for romantic (not sexual) activities apart. My feelings are just a funny blur when it comes to women. Not very sexual initially - that's about all I know for sure. Ugh.

    I have wondered the same thing. I cannot make sense of it all ...

    Hi :slight_smile: I hope you feel better soon.

    We are after answers for the same question: "was there something always there?" and "if so, what exactly is that something and what does it mean fo me?"



    :smilewave