In a 3 yr. relationship with a man, but I feel gayer by the day...

Hello there.

I am a 22 year old woman who has been in a relationship with a man for three years. I have always been in relationships with men. Almost two months ago I started crushing like crazy on a lesbian. Unfortunately, she has a girlfriend and this disappoints me a lot. I think about her all the time. I fantasize about being in a relationship with her and being sexual with her. Since then I haven't been able to get the phrase "Am I gay?" out of my head. I'm constantly online looking at things about sexuality, being lesbian, how to know if you're gay/bi etc..

As crazy as it sounds, I feel gayer by the day. I've stopped being attracted to guys and have been paying more attention to girls lately. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in well over a month. I just don't want to. I've stopped being sexually attracted to him for a while. I know I've always been curious about girls, but this feels different. I feel like I am most definitely bisexual if not more. I'm turned on by lesbian porn too.

I was always the most "masculine" one of my friends. I've always felt more dude-ish than them. It made me feel really awkward, but I felt like maybe it was normal? Sometimes when I imagine how I appear to other people, I think of a guy. As a kid, I preferred boy toys and hobbies. I dressed fairly androgynous when I got to pick what I wanted to wear. You would never be able to get me in a dress or do my hair.

Basically this whole experience of crushing on a girl has sent me totally overboard and has opened up my mind A LOT. Now my relationship with my boyfriend is in the shitter and I don't know what to do.

Do you think this is a phase or could I really be lesbian or bisexual? I need help. This consumes my thoughts every single day. :help:

 

Well most of my fantasies are about my crush, but I will fantasize about females in general if I'm trying to get off. I still fantasize about her to get off too, but it just depends. Never about guys anymore.

I did kinda have a crush on one of my female best friends back in high school, but it was really short-lived. Probably because I knew she was straight so I felt weird about it. But other than that, this is my first serious female crush.