Guy hitting on me and I'm turned on? Still need help! SOO CONFUSED!

Reading your last post and this post it sound like you are bi

 

I went back and read both your post again and to be honest I don't know what Orientation you are I guess you are somewhere in between Asexual and Homosexual because you say you are not emotionally attracted to men but you are not sexually attracted to women

---------- Post added 28th Apr 2014 at 12:53 AM ----------

I am Sorry I'm probably just confusing you more lol : (

 

I'd say that incident--more accurately, your reactions to that incident--could be a real indication of same sex attraction.

I don't honestly think you were just turned on by being flattered. Not the point of waking up, mumbling his name.

 

Oh man...saying his name in your sleep! I think he left an impression on you. And your deeper subconscious. In dreams our brain sorts out the events of the day and tries to make sense of it. Is this you subconscious rising up and giving you a hint of your attractions?

Now, everyone likes to be complimented. But, I think that there may be something more here. That guy obviously thought you were cute, and maybe his gaydar was going off. You liked the compliment of another person basically hitting on you, but you also may have liked something about him specifically. What makes him different than other guys...or even different than other gay guys?

Either this will pass...or you need to go shopping again. :icon_wink

 

IG88's post is worth thinking about carefully.

I believe what happened at night is quite likely a strong sign of same sex attraction. Your conscious mind was shut down, and unable to invent excuses.

 

Whoa, this second post's just lit the roof on fire for me, that is definitely new. Hmm okay, gotta put my glasses on for this. I noticed how you said you never been in a relationship. Were you interested in girls? did girls like you? were you insecure or didn't feel confident? think, because there are many factors in this that you may not even know yet and i could help you if you can cooperate. The porn, 13 you say? i was even younger than you when i started. I know why you ended up watching gay porn. You were training yourself as a Hypersexual Being (as i like to call it), someone who is need of sex (whether it be porn, real sex, or some stimuli for sexual pleasures). Porn in this case, can make a person (not EVERYONE, but many) like sex in general and everything sexual. Especially at the age of 13, your brain wasn't done developing yet so your mind was still vulnerable to intakes. Porn satisfies many of us, and as a pre-teen, it's like smoking weed for the first and who said it's bad right? (ass holes do). That's where i believe it went wrong. You were witnessing hundreds of people, naked, having sex with no effort, just click and watch. All of that was seen as 'good' in you brain. But soon, you started needing more stimuli, sort of like how a drug user needs stronger product for a stronger high. You simultaneously went to the nearest outlet that was sexual and NEW to you, exciting. That would be gay porn, or transsexual porn, etc. it really ranges to the amount of porn one can end up watching. So with that part, i would not consider you 'gay' because it's about the stimuli at that point, whatever gets you to orgasm even if it was something you previously did not like (most likely that's addiction stage). But on the part with the employee hitting on you. The flattery and being "turned on" may very well result from your lack of having any relationship with females in the past and the porn use. Someones finally taking interest in you so it seems as i assume, i have no doubt that you will actually feel appreciated for once. But the waking up, feeling turned on, mumbling his name...now that, is what i'm baffled at. Is that something you want to do honestly? do you want to be with men? if not, then you are not gay. But if you want to have sex with men, then chances are, you are. You say you aren't sexually attracted to women, was this always? this is an IMPORTANT question. Because if you are romantically attracted to them, that means at some point you were sexually attracted, i would know the cause to that.

 

Ya know, this actually reminds of a recent inner problem i had about a week ago.
I was on tumblr, looking up photos to reblog. I seen some that were taken by this persons tumblr, i liked them so i went to the page to see more of their work. As i land, i see a link to their new blog so i went to that one. The first thing i seen on there was some pictures of the person, a guy named Frankie. Now, this frankie cat...looked like a legit girl from first glance i mean, i'm not talking the stereotype crap. I mean he looked like a female and when i seen the pics (if you know tumblr, the photos are just THERE in your face), i said to myself, "cute" But i had to take a second look and noticed it was a guy (19). At that point, i felt so violated and weird i mean haha, it's funny! Because i just had this thought "they're cute...but it's a guy...who looks like a girl" because of his hairstyle, the eyebrows, the eyes, the face, everything had a woman-ish look to him. I don't find men attractive as in how i find women attractive because i am not gay, but it's the fact he looked so...pretty/cute is what stunned me. Eventually i just realized, i really admire his look, yeah it still creeps me out because of how genuinely feminine he is but, i don't want to do anything with him, no. I just think he looks good for how he presents himself in his appearance. Maybe that's how you feel? maybe not, but it did remind me of that. You could be overreacting, and the paranoia is what's making you do and feel off the wall stuff.

 

ConfusedUser 99 -

A few things I'll add...

Gay sex in dreams may or may not indicate attraction in the waking hours. Sometimes 100% straight guys have gay dreams; the intimacy suggests more of an emotional closeness / relationship than a sexual one.

Sexual orientation is seldom absolute. A lot of gay-identified guys have had experiences with women, or even the rare occasional (and sincere) attraction to a woman. It's more helpful to think of a continuum between straight and gay, because that is where most people actually are.

Also, when coming out, a lot of gay guys don't immediately imagine themselves in a domestic situation with another guy. Besides, the relationship should evolve well beyond a fling or testing the waters before moving in that direction. The gay couples who get married, live together, and adopt kids usually have been together for at least a couple of years before making those kinds of decisions.

I've also noticed from talking to guys, reading on-line dating site profiles, etc. that it's fairly common for some gay men to like skinny, smooth guys. That is but one common gay archetype. At the other end of the spectrum is the bear community, with bigger hairy guys.

There are also a lot of gay guys who don't do anal. They're either not into it, or avoid it due to the STD risks and messiness of it all. Participating or not in anal play is not a reliable indication of gay - or not gay.

What I see in your comments is more consistent attraction to men than women. But you don't have to pressure yourself to accept a label of gay/bi/straight before you're completely sure of your feelings.

My thought is: First, give yourself permission to test the waters. Make sure you do that first! Then return to the store (alone this time) and see if that guy is working there. Try on those jeans, and make sure he gets a chance to check you out. Then let whatever happens, happen...

 

It's worth pointing out that not all gay men have any interest in anal sex, contrary to popular opinion.

This sounds like same sex attraction to me.

 

My mistake. I thought the half-awake, mumbling the guy's name situation was about awakening from an erotic dream. Especially if you woke up aroused.

As for giving yourself permission to test the waters, I mean with men (such as that guy who flirted at the store). Your fantasies seem to be almost exclusively toward men. It's a common misconception that you have to try being with a woman "to be sure" about being gay. After all, straight people don't seek out a same-sex experience to "confirm" that they are indeed straight.

On the face of it, this popular suggestion is ridiculous: Seek out unfulfilling sex to "confirm" your orientation, and complicate things immensely in the process.

It's possible to know internally whether you like women and/or men. The discussions in these threads about the nature of your fantasies, reactions to porn, etc. are to discover your attractions without outside influences. Those influences include things discussed in these threads, such as teachings of the church, opinions of friends and relatives, the addictive nature of porn, ideas surrounding traditional gender and relationship roles, etc. You're doing the right kind of work to sort out your feelings, and as others have said, it's not an instantaneous thing.

How to give yourself permission? Right now, you feel confused and want more clarity about your attractions, particularly toward men. If you went back to the store and let that guy flirt with you some more, that will give you more of an idea of how you react to the situation, how you feel about it, whether you want things to go further, etc. But don't be pressured into acting on the attraction (sexually) more than you are ready to do. Maintain your boundaries, and if you play - play safe.

 

Okay, okay, good thing to start. No recollection of of sexual attraction. Do you want to be with women? do you want be able to get women?
I understand, that's how it ended up in a way for me, with my whole penis obsession but in the end it was always about the woman (something is telling me i might relapse today, hopefully not). Hmm, spontaneous erection, i get them all the time, usually just what can't be explained. Can you recall how she looked? her face? hair? eyes? clothes?
Real life eh? ahh, was it just by random?

What was she saying? if you remember. Most girls in this day and age don't do the 'hitting', some are a little dominant and approach men, just how a wife might expect you to do the "manly" things in the house, they expect you to approach them. But really, life is life, there are no rules, do as one pleases. Only once i remembered being hit on by some nasty chick (not appealing either) and i just hoped that she would get the message as i never tried to engage in conversation haha (soon she did). Other than her, in my younger days, i had my fair share of 'dimes', not anymore though, i sorta let myself go due to addictions.

Told you, we all want to be appreciated, whether by parents, friends, or strangers. You feel more open to people who show appreciation or interest for who you are, what you do, how you dress, etc so forth. There's someone who admires you in some way.

Don't know, go look at a gay porno, ask yourself do you want THAT. Haha who are you telling, dude. I hate anal with a passion, like when i watch porn, sometimes i have to pause and find another video cause i can literally see her 'hole' and i just...can't do it, it's where we take a crap out of i mean --- yeah they say it's better orgasms but i don't give a flying s**t. If i can't see the hole, then i would continue to watch the video though. I never even tried anal with my ex, i remember one day, when when we were having sex, she said "WRONG HOLE!" it was like dropping a stack of plates on the floor haha, i had to switch QUICK. So yeah i feel you there, though you aren't talking about porn, i still feel you, i can't even imagine, i don't even...yeah next topic - if you want to do that, give blow-jobs and etc, by category, you could be by definition 'Gay' since you have no sexual attraction to women. But, without category, you're just a guy who wants do blow a guy. I blame religion for all this crap.

I used to love lesbian porn, i haven't watched any lately, i probably can still get off to it, yeah. Won't be the same though when i was younger, I've been a day without porn but, i would watch a scene if it was with the right women, can't just slap two chicks together and call it a flick. Again i understand the 'exciting' thing. It aids on the arousal for me, though it's different for me than how it is for you, half of me doesn't feel ashamed because i know why it arouses me, but still, i don't want it to truly effect me mentally and sexually in reality.

Well if you truly want a fling, go for it, only if you do want one. We all test ourselves, i tried testing myself to watch gay porn again as an anniversary -_-. It was SO difficult just to find a video, hell i didn't even want to look at the junk, ads of guys, all the guys everywhere, it took like 30 minutes to just pick a video because i wasn't interested as i thought i would be (i wanted to determine what i was). I would type "big cock gay" or something of that nature, eventually when i got a video, i didn't even want to look. I would hold my penis, mildly erect it would be (prior, i was watching straight porn), i'll skip, then it'll be them kissing >_< and i would quickly skip more ahead and all i seen was them blowing each other and i would KEEP skipping, then it'll be them...having sex, and i just couldn't do it... i could not do it, i had to get off of it, and i tried all day. It's like something just wanted me to be gay because all of what goes on inside of though i'm not. I could not do it. Even transsexual porn became a turn off, just by hearing them talk. I couldn't do any of it anymore, it shed the light on me. I understand, maybe that's not what you want, you don't want to live with a man and play house, and have adopted kids. I say just try to meet someone (a girl if YOU want to, or guy if YOU want to) you can connect with and see how things go.

That could be something more, a lot of my dreams consist of porn, boobs (as of this morning), cool stories, a girl, or some real insightful stuff that makes me thing deeply. But seeing as that wasn't a dream i assume, it may still mean something. If you were humping the bed with him in mind, something's there, that can't be ignored. I don't know what though. I never came across that or experienced it, i have humped the bed a lot when i was younger, but i was always imagining that bed was one of my crushes or a model, especially the pictures of these cheerleaders (real models) from this old football game called Blitz The League, i did serious humpage while looking at the photo gallery that's within the game. So yeah, something is definitely there, if i had to be frank i'll say you want to have sex with him or wish/desire to. Seeing as that's why i was humping my bed. Damn, those were the days.

How do i know, it's just, you just know, no one can explain it i believe. You grow up, not knowing about sexual orientation well, you like whatever. You get older and learn what it all means and, you know what you are, i was straight, i'm straight. I like girls. Yeah i have ED, yeah i get hard from seeing an erect penis, and yeah, i'm still straight. My HOCD hasn't kicked in so i'm in no doubt, cause deep inside you know what you are. What does it feel to get turned on by a woman? one word, Amazing. Like, say you have girlfriend and, y'all are hugging or kissing, cuddling etc. And you just, start getting aroused, feeling her body, smelling her scent, holding that precious girl, and suddenly...you just want to ram the living mess out of her (i know that sounds violent, it's not) Love at first sight? there's no such thing. Then again, love is a definition only determined by the individual, and i can't feel an explosion of passion, have a colossal amount of care, feel so connected just by looking at a girl. But i can look and say "wow she's beautiful, i wanna get to know her". Love at first sight is, instant attraction, that's what it really is. You instantly want to know them, and be more than friends if they are a good match for you. A date? wonderful, long as it's with someone you can connect with, really like, feel comfortable with, nothing else feels better while sharing that time to be theirs only. I or her would just say, do you wanna go here or got there? do this or do that?
I understand, my addictions led me to being isolated, so i'm quiet in a way. Making me shy to speak to a girl i take interest in (and damn do i hate it cause you never know what they will do) something i hope to get out of. Sorry to hear that man, one rejection leads to another acceptance. Yes it play a part, you probably ended up thinking no girl will like you, that you aren't good enough to please them or satisfy them, keep them interested. So you automatically start thinking about switching lanes (i wouldn't dare suggest it). I say find yourself, what you like, your hobbies, who are you, and if you do like girls? try to meed girls like that. I met one yesterday on this forum, though she a lesbian, at least for once, i know there's a girl out there that is perfect for me.