Hi i am 20 year old female who first had a crush on a girl at 18 going on 19 and ever since that i havn't been remotely interested in looking at men, i cant even tell whos good looking anymore. I now only think of women. I have a gay male friend who tells me that i am gay but i find it hard to understand how i could only be relising this so recently and not always know my whole life or even when i was in school. looking back i never wanted to sleep with guys and im not really experienced in that sense but i wanted the relationship with them, i had crushes on them. This is what confuses me. I dont know where i go from here, is it normal be confused for nearly two years?
Everyone goes through the process of finding thier sexual orientation a little differently. Some people know from an early age and some people figure it out later in life. The society that we lives in pushes a point of view where heterosexual relationships are what is seen as acceptable. Sometimes people crush on someone because that is what they see as safe and it's where there mind is comfortable going. Only you can figure out your orientation. From what you describe it certainly sounds like you are most likely lesbian but if you find yourself sexually attracted to guys then you may be bisexual(or pansexual if you like everyone regardless of gender). Just remember if you are attracted to women(for example) that attraction is not going to go away, so ignoring it is not going to help.
First off - welcome to EC! To answer your question - Yes. It's very normal. You start to realize your sexuality when your brain's ready to. Before you realize it, you normally are going along with the social hetero-norms. When you start to realize it, it can take a number of years before you're willing to accept it and clear up your confusion. As for your wanting a relationship with/crushing on guys - Like I said above, before you accept your sexuality, you're often just going along with the normal social hetero-normative mindset of man and woman. Going along with that can create strong desires for a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, when you really don't find them attractive. It's more about just wanting to fit in. As you accept your sexuality more, you'll be able to imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman instead.
