Hello everyone, I'm a 29 yr old male who has a few concerns and would really appreciate some advice. For the last 2-3 years I have been suffering from sexual identity confusion. Prior to this time I only knew myself as a straight guy...a very weird and quirky straight guy who just seemed to not be able to do well with women. I've had a hand-ful of girlfriends and most ended after a very short time...I do not know why. My one real serious and long (longer) lasting relationship was with a woman I was incredibly passionate about and wanted to love but due to us being coworkers it was limited to sex for the most part. I really did love her...but when she became pregnant everything fell apart. Needless to say she did not keep it and we separated in a most dramatic manner. After that i was in a state if pure desolation as not only our relationship fell apart but I lost my job and my family fell apart on itself through alcoholism on my parents part and an attempted suicide by my mother (who I had to resuscitate as I was an EMT). About a year into all this stress and lack of love I started to have thoughts I never had. Thoughts such as "should I try dating men if I have such a hard time with women?" or "maybe I'm gay an that's why I am the way I am?" However all of this seemed alien to me and still does. But the thoughts only increased and started to get weirder. And so from this point....years later I find myself questioning my sexual orientation. I don't hate gay people, in fact I love my buddy duke who is quite gay, but I don't like the thoughts I have. I can't say they are fantasies...but more just scenarios. A fantasy would be, to me, something I would enjoy....but these thoughts feel just intrusive and distracting. I have investigated the possibility that I have HOCD brought on by stress, depression, chronic marijuana smoking and prior alcoholic tendencies....but I can't be sure. I'm sooooo tired and honestly would be fine with being gay if that's what I truly felt I was....but I don't. I just simply don't know anymore and I need love in my life....and it has been a while . Thank you all for your time and help.
What you've said doesn't really make me think you're gay. Do you find men attractive? Can you have fantasies about having sex with men? Do you find women unattractive? What you've described are relationship problems - trouble forming meaningful, true relationships with women. That's not indicative of you being gay; plenty of straight guys have that problem. If you feel sexually attracted to men, then that's something we can discuss because that's more indicative of you having some unrealized sexual feelings.
I would say that I have found men "attractive". But on a sexual end it just weirds me out though through circular logic if I find a guy "attractive" my mind takes it farther and thoughts such as kissing said man etc start flooding my brain...and it is not pleasant...though again through circular logic I feel I "fake" myself into thinking I enjoy the thoughts. I find women to be the most beautiful creatures....but because I've been in an extremely abusive relationship and have been rejected and shunned soooo much I feel bitter and angry and so sad that the cracks in my heart parallel the San Andreas fault hahahahaha. Plus I don't feel the same stimulus I used to when a pretty girl is around...I just feel weird and nervous and afraid. What do you think? ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2014 at 01:41 PM ---------- And yes...I CAN have fantasies....but i have to force it kind of (as a test) and in the end I'm not happy...just more confused and weirded out....uggghhhh this sucks ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2014 at 01:42 PM ---------- Thank you for hel ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2014 at 01:42 PM ---------- *helping me
