Analyzing my childhood for "gay" actions...

I don't know if anything "should" be a sign for you, other than your own opinion of your feelings.

I think everyone has their own process, and it takes the time that it takes. I think the most natural and perhaps 'healthiest' way (IMHO) to discover one's attractions is just to simply...allow. Allow them. Feel what you feel.

It kind of seems a bit to me right now like you're still a bit afraid of the possibility of being 100% gay. Is this so?

I know that I was terrified of it, for the longest time in my life.

And I was very homophobic from the pre-pubescent years, through high school (ESPECIALLY in high school!!) and including through college.

Somewhere between my 20s and early 30s I stopped being so homophobic, and relaxed a bit.

Then in my early-mid thirties I began to question more openly about myself. And that's when I started to read about and explore online if others had had my feelings and experiences, and what that had meant to them. I read some terms that the asexual community had coined to describe romantic & sexual attractions and their various gradations, and that really helped me to go "Ah-ha!!"


So it appears that you are in that phase now: Examining your life, asking questions, comparing your experience against others', etc.

But the most telling thing will be when you can truly begin to let go of the fear you might still feel over liking people of the same sex, and look at and really examine your true feelings towards boys/men and girls/women, from as long as you can remember, until now.

And even then, it may still take some more time and some more life experiences. I recommend just being open, trying to relax about whatever your orientation may be, and living your life and giving it time.

Best of luck. (*hug*)

 

I bear with you(done pretty much the same thing, but without the rubbing)! :icon_wink

 

Typical gay childhood... Not so sure whether there's something like that. Kids experiment, that's nothing new and neither does those games result in someone turning gay. Did your friend or cousin turn out gay??? Probably not. I also played Dr Dr as kid and those games also involved exploring genitals of both sexes... It's what kids do so don't let that eat you up.

Mannerisms and voice pitch... I've not been able to figure that one out myself. I'm pretty much a dead normal, outdoors kinda guy that's into my adventure sports, so in gay terms I'd be considered straight acting. But at the same time I'm an artist so I talk with my hands... I suppose some might say its something that might hint at me being gay but generally not... My give away is that I've never dated girls so at 38 it kinda does raise eyebrows and sounds the alarm. Also, I think if one pays close attention to me and observe my interactions with people you'd probably notice that I'm pretty daft when girls are flirting with me, I'm pretty oblivious to it and don't pick up on it... So that's another dead give away. I suppose I've probably also been caught out checking out guys without noticing it... So there's many small tell tale signs that I do that I'm not even aware of that an eagle eye would probably pick up on.

Gaydar is another thing which is pretty interesting to me... I can pretty accurately spot someone who is gay just by seeing a picture of them or listening to their voice... I don't know how it works but I think gay people in general have pretty good gaydar. I don't know if it's a vibe we give off that others pick up on but it's definitely something that exists and in my case Gay people are pretty good at identifying me as gay even though I used to deny it if they asked or hit on me... That's the thing, I tried my utter best to be straight but somehow gay guys saw right trough it.

Homophobia... That's actually common in guys who struggle with their sexuality. It's a defence mechanism to hide your true identity... Deny deny deny, and if you appose homosexuality surely you can't be one yourself... Right? It's actually pretty sad. I don't know if you follow politics at all but some of the biggest anti gay politicians and preachers have been caught out with rent boys... See what I'm getting at???

If I look at a lot of my gay friends I can't tell you how many of them went to study theology to become ministers or pastors as they thought that would straighten them out or maybe a good cloak to hide behind? We do extreme things to try and conform and straighten ourselves out, but it never works...

I honestly think that we are our own worst enemies... We judge ourselves much more than anyone else ever will. Make no mistake, it's not an easy road to learn how to accept yourself... But it's a necessary step if you ever want to find true happiness and live a fulfilled life.

You've already taken the right steps by joining this forum and I can see those gears in your head churning away as I read your responses on the posts that you've made... I'm thinking you're making lots of headway so kudos to you!!!

 

"Gaydar" is a sixth sense that some people develop from socializing in GLBT circles. After a while, it becomes possible to notice things like clothing and hair styles, mannerisms, speech patterns, hobbies and interests, etc. that suggest someone is gay. It's never 100% reliable, more like a hunch.

What I recommend if you "gaydar" someone is to hang back and get to know them better, and then see if incontrovertible evidence comes in (such as them dating a same-sex partner, coming out, etc.). As your recent ordeal indicates, telling someone you think they're gay can stir things up, and not always in a good way. Better to approach cautiously.

As for homophobia - I also thought and said some homophobic things when I was a teenager, and deeply regret it. At times I think that "God punished me" for being homophobic ... by making me gay. This isn't ordinarily part of my spiritual views, but that's how deep my regret is...

 

I'm not at all sure how it works, but it's like Piano71 said, a sixth sense that develop over time, I think it's just tuning into the small details and picking up on things like language, eye contact, mannerisms... There's a lot of them and I think the process is instant and automatic, it's not like you're looking for specific things. You can just look at a guy and have a pretty accurate sense of whether he might be gay or not and if you observe him for a while it becomes more accurate. That said, it's far from a 100% and if you had dealt with someone like me! I always denied being gay if someone would approach me thinking that I was.

This might be bias, but I think we pay more attention to our looks and dress sense, fitting clothes, details, maybe you're right, in the Amerikas that might be considered gay or more gay, in Europe it's just plain old good dress sense where every guy straight or gay tends to wear fitting clothes....

 

Looking back I realised how obviously gay I was

 

Haha, yup... And if you where anything like me, completely oblivious to it and of course in complete denial!

Confuseduser99, personally... Let's see, lanuguage and voice pitch... Became aware of it when I saw a video of myself when I was about 13 so I started paying attention and changed the way I talked...

Then if I remember correctly, when I was about 11 or 12 I did this floppy wrist thing which my mom pointed out to me... She said, don't do that, it's very gay... I guess that's the first time ever I heard the term gay, had no idea what it meant but I knew I didn't want to be that so I paid attention to my body language and "butched" up...:dry: I think that the first time I realised I was different and that being different was frowned upon so I recon that was the point in my life when I became self aware and realised to fit in I had to conform...

Then, obviously dress sense... I liked nice clothes and probably paid more attention to what I wore than my friends. I was a swimmer so spend most of my afternoons in a speedo training, which also meant that's the only swimmers I ever wore when ever I went to the beach or a pool party... Didn't bother me but I think straight guys might be a little too self conscious to wear something like that in a non competitive or non training environment...

Interests... It's probably not a gay trait, but I was more interested in art then sports like rugby or cricket. I loved painting and if my dad would have allowed it I would have taken dance lessons like ballet and tap... Of course he didn't allow it because in the farming community I come from boys don't do that, only girls do...

Obviously when puberty hit, I was fantasising about guys and not girls... Even though I classified and saw myself as straight... So yea... For myself, that should have been a HUGE billboard sign!

 

Well from what i can see confused, you are gay imho. The arousal after waking up and what not. My background up until now has been a clue aswell, like my crush on mj and "admiring" guys from afar in high school, and while fantasising while faping, i thought of man on man. Confused, have you ever faped with no porn, what do you fantasize about? Would you ever have sex or date a woman? Answer those questions and that may help.

 

Another thing about gaydar is gay slang. There are all sorts of words, phrases, etc. that are commonly used by (open) gay guys but that haven't filtered out into the straight world. Guys who frequently talk about gym bunnies, various types of queens, twinks, chubby chasers, etc. are likely not straight.

The thing to take away from all these stories about "obvious gay traits" and childhood stories: Being gay is about far more than sexual acts or attractions. A lot of other mannerisms and characteristics accompany the same-gender attraction. Many gay guys do this unknowingly growing up, and experience pressure to "butch up" to pass for straight. A gay man's brain truly is wired differently than that of a straight guy. Why else would "gay" mannerisms occur naturally, even among guys who haven't come out or socialized in gay circles?

If I described what I remember of childhood between age 5-13 (it was at age 13 I began to notice I was getting crushes on guys) it would sound pretty gay. My favorite classes in grade school were art/music (though I wasn't all that good at visual art). I wanted to take piano lessons. I was uncoordinated and non-athletic. I didn't want to join the Boy Scouts or a sports league. I felt "different from other boys" because I wasn't into rough play, didn't want to get into fights, etc.

 

Well let me put it this way, would you do all that same stuff with a guy? Do you look at guys or girls on the street, and would you say you like both that way? Sounds to me that you may be Bi, but if being with a woman is only for experimental purpose, then maybe you're in denial about being gay. From what i read, you seem gay to me. Take your time to figure out if you REALLY wanna be with a guy/girl. Also, just fantasize about what it would be like with either guy/girl. Dating, holding hands, kissing, having sex with, and making you happy, and what gender that person is will help you.

 

You've posted numerous threads asking for questions and insight to your sexuality. Each time, people have responded with similar messages.

Yes, those instances sound gay. They also sound like several other young boys who get curious with each other.

I realize this wasn't an inquiry of yours, but I think that the sooner you stop asking questions and starting letting your sexuality "come as it may," the sooner you'll be far more content.