Hi, I'm a 21 year old male and have started questioning my sexual orientation off and on for the last 9 years. I feel as though I'm sexually, emotionally, and physically attracted to females: I find sustained social contact with males intimidating and awkward tho. I prefer to be around females, and I prefer female friends. When I was twelve I got a crazy idea to experiment with a friend (who was a guy) in his house, just nude rubbing. He asked me to perform oral sex and my immediate reaction was one of disgust. I tried to but the texture and taste was horrible so I declined to continue, but the strange thing is... the rubbing turned me on and I don't know why. We experimented one more time in his laundry room, this time it was just rubbing, and ever since then... I've had conflicting feelings about my sexual orientation. When I was 18 I allowed a gay guy to perform oral sex on me twice and I orgasmed both times. I guess I'm in the same boat as anyone in modern society that feels shameful at the thought of being gay or the possibility of such. So, for the last 12 years I've been trying to rationalize my way through the emotional muck my actions have created... telling myself things like: "everyone is curious". I was 6 or so when I had my first sexual experience with a girl, and I performed oral sex on her under her blanket at daycare. I really enjoyed the texture and taste if that makes sense, but that might just be because you critics aren't as harsh so i had few complaints. I haven't had much female sexual interaction though (only because I have major self esteem issues and fear of denial). I've always fantasized about girls, and girls on girls... I could only dream of that stuff coming my way. I kissed a girl when I was in 2nd grade twice and 4th grade twice and really enjoyed it.. infact I couldn't get enough of it. I had oral sex performed on me 5 times when I was 17 by a female (though I had to pay for it), and that pretty much sums of my female sexual interaction. Most people that know me would describe me as a very pick person when it comes to women: albeit I never even had a girlfriend which is pathetic, I know. I know that just because someone leads the life of a straight person doesn't mean they're straigh, which is why I've decided to make this thread to seek out answers. I am physically attracted to women and always have been, I'm not sure I can say the same thing about guys. I can admire the beauty of a male face but I'm not attracted to them physically at all if that makes sense? It seems very weird because of my choice in porn now. I accidently came across trans porn 5 years ago and was confused: I also instantly got and erection. As I stated I started watching porn when I was 13, strictly female/lesbian porn for the next 3 years up until then when I was 16 (5 years ago). From then until now I have been feeling shameful and watching it off and on, thought I have finally accepted the fact that I like trans-porn and watch it quite often. So.. my major concerns with my sexuality are my experiences with other guys and the fact that I like trans-porn now. I feel rude for being disgusted by the thought it but I'm very confused, sorry.
To me it sounds as if your past sexual experience with men were just experiments as, from what you wrote, you don't appear to like men in that way at all. I wouldn't close you mind entirely to the possibility of being gay but it doesn't sound very likely. As for your interest in trans porn it could just be a fetish.
Thanks for your reply Slothus: if you don't mind me asking an off topic question.. what is a Gynophile? I've never heard of that word before. I guess you're probably right, but the fact that I'm questioning my sexual orientation at this age made hint at the possibility of an ambiguous orientation (to put it lightly). I'm just confused, and I've heard alot from others saying that truly straight men would never of even had experiences with other guys regardless of age so I don't know what to think anymore. I guess I'm trying to get to root of why I had those experiences to begin with, why I liked them and if the reason for that constitutes being gay or bi. I am turned on by women, never not been attracted to them, but now I'm turned on by transgenders (mtF). I believe I get erections much faster than with women. However, I sat staring at pictures of nude men on google for 5 min and didn't feel the least bit stimulated and didn't get an erection, I am also not physically attracted to men at all but I can recognize a beautiful face? (if that makes sense) ---------- Post added 1st May 2014 at 02:59 PM ----------
Well, not to criticize you or the person you heard it from, a truly straight guy can't really know this until he has at least attempted it. One of my favourite authors said that 'all men should try being women once in a while, it is very healthy.' I hope that last comment didn't come off as offensive I just thought it was relevant. Gynophile- 'attraction to or love of the female sex'. Gender confusion blah labels blah.
Like others have stated, I don't think having had a few same-sex encounters necessarily makes you gay or even bisexual. I think it's more of how you felt about it and what you took from it, than having had the experiences themselves. You say you did enjoy it somewhat, would you do it again, or seek it out? Make a habit of it? Have some sort of relationship with a guy? Etc.
I did enjoy them. It sort of makes you wonder.. if you take a "straight" guy and blind fold him and have oral sex performed on him by another guy, (and tell him whats happening before hand) is he homosexual for enjoying it? I have a habit of confusing myself. I was intrigued by the thought of seeking out sexual encounters with transgenders, but not men. Though, when I actually think about it.. I probably wouldn't ever even doing anything with a transgender either: atleast not now. I think the sexual urge for trans doesn't extend beyond the pc screen... I don't think I desire real life interaction. I'm not even sure I could feel that way about a guy though. I mean, I just don't view them the same way as women so I couldn't have a relationship with one. As for doing it again, eh definantly not. After thinking about it, I think I was greedy for an orgasm... I was also really horny those times idk. I have a weird way of not caring about what some would call taboo at times just to feel the way I want. I'm sorry, it's very hard for me to describe my view point of men, extremely hard. I haven't had any urges since the last experience to seek out male interaction if that answers your question.. I would do it for the right price? (depending on what "it" is) I forgot to mention one thing.. while I was having oral sex performed on me.. I felt like I was passing through a firewall. I had an initial yuck feeling, and then that yuck feeling is what stimulated my brain... the fact that I thought it was nasty for a guy to be sucking me off and then I focused on the warm wet feeling... and before I knew it, it happened. After it happened, I immediately felt absolutely disgusted and was depressed for over 16 months.. still recovering from it. I think I have perverted my sexual desires, which may be why I'm so confused atm. I honestly could go on in on and get nowhere with it, I think too much and can't express my thought well. I end of saying things the wrong way so I'll end it here.
