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More sleep-related sexual cravings. Is this a sign? HELP!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by confuseduser99, Apr 30, 2014.

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  1. confuseduser99

    confuseduser99
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    Hey everyone,

    I've been analyzing my sleep patterns over the past few days since joining EC, and I can tell you that there are some irregularities. As you know, it was a situation partly involving a sleep-related sexual experience that brought me to EC to finally start talking about my sexuality (if you haven't been following my posts, see here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...e-im-turned-still-need-help-soo-confused.html).

    For one, I've noticed that virtually every morning when I wake up since joining EC and discussing my gay tendencies and sexual confusion, I've been much hornier. Not only do I wake up with morning wood, but I've noticed that I've been grinding and humping my bed in the early stages of waking up from a night of rest (which I've been told, many people don't do when they're 20 years old, and more likely to do when they're a child and in puberty). Could this be caused by hyper-sexual feelings in me, charged by all of this discussion regarding sex and sexual thoughts on EC (and also, my slowly realization that I MAY be gay... which I have yet to definitively decide on)?

    The other thing is that this morning, I woke up again in an aroused/horny state. I remember lying on my pillow, trying to hug it for some reason. I eventually woke up, got out of bed, and grabbed my body pillow from the other side of the room which I never sleep with. I began resting my head on it, hugging it, and even putting one of my legs around it in a crossing fashion, where my genital area would sort of touch it. I imagined at first that my pillow was just a person (no strong visualization of the gender). Then I began to imagine that it was a cute boy, and I really got into hugging it. I eventually fell back to sleep while hugging/spooning my body pillow.

    When I got up again, all I can say is that it was a VERY restful sleep. Probably one of the best sleeps I've had in a while (although it lasted about an hour or so until my alarm went off).

    WHY is this happening? Why have I been so horny lately when I wake up, to the point that I subconsciously (then eventually, consciously) grind and hump my bed? Why has this all started since I first joined EC 4 days ago? And why did I get out of my bed to get my body pillow which I NEVER sleep with, only to hug it, and pretend that it was someone (eventually pretending that it was a boy)? Should these be taken as actual signs of sexuality, or are they just a coincidence? Am I reading to much into this all? Is this just my mind playing games with me?

    I will be monitoring my sleep tonight (I'm about to go to sleep now anyway. I actually got out of bed to write this since I couldn't sleep). HELP! I NEED ANSWERS! :help::help::help::help:
     
    #1 confuseduser99, Apr 30, 2014
  2. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    It is very common for this question of one's orientation to become all-consuming when you first start to acknowledge it.

    For years you have been consciously or subconsciously pushing it to the back of your mind and avoiding the subject. But now that you have started to openly talk about it - writing about it and sharing it with other people (even if we're virtual strangers) it is becoming more real. You've opened a 'Pandora's Box' in some respects - and the issue with all the stifled thoughts and emotions are flooding out. And you can't close that box again. You've now opened it and there's no way to close it - i.e. put those thoughts back into the subconscious and forget about them.

    But really - nobody here can tell you whether you're gay. Nobody can tell you exactly what your behaviour says. Only you will be able to ultimately determine your orientation, and only you will be able to do the work you need to do to come to terms with it and find acceptance for it and for yourself.
     
    #2 Jim1454, May 1, 2014
  3. Illus1

    Illus1
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    Hi, well like Jim1454 above said we all can just give our experiences and viewpoints and only you can decide if you are gay/bi anything really. Truthfully realizing one's orientation takes time and analysis and well it's not likely you'll automatically realize & accept your gay just now and today I read u'r other thread & I suggest just letting it mellow for a while, I mean you can analyze and such but don't do it all at once you know delving in your childhood and all.

    Now about your story, I myself am seldomly completely aroused by woman. But I can tell you about when I was first hit on at 17 by a 20 something year old woman, ( I counted this as my first because 1. I didn't know the person before, 2. My friends confirmed that they thought I was being hit on 3. She didn't know I was so young I guess at that age it was the first time I passed for older)

    Now I was flattered, my attraction for her even grew a bit and I also obsessed about it at night but somewhere somehow I just knew that I wouldn't pursue it because I didn't want to hurt her and of course when she found out I was in HS there was no chance.

    You on the other hand I think really like this guy I mean you can admit that you like this one guy & you want him. (no need to put a label on it yet) You imo (after reading the other thread) are more into him than just flattered. So now that flipped a switch in your brain, the dormant idea in your subconscious has been awakened. Now you have to take note what gender/s you find attractive and like do it for let say a month or so (a longer period so you can know it's not just this guy that has turned you into guys).

    So don't stress in time you will find and/or accept the answer. But as I said the above is my opinion and experience so you kinda have to have your own to know.
     
    #3 Illus1, May 1, 2014
  4. confuseduser99

    confuseduser99
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    Is that really how it is/is going to be? A Pandora's box that I can't close back? I have to admit that I've been really thinking about this all within the past 5 days, and I've been really turned on by talking about a lot of this (I guess, fantasies that I'm expressing?). I still feel really nervous and awkward about it all. Like I have a split personality. Talking about my gay tendencies online, but completely ignoring them and acting completely straight in real life (except when I'm alone, when I think about my fantasies, and kind of enjoying them...).

    This has been exhausting, confusing, nerve-racking, yet somehow enjoyable and liberating... So many contradicting feelings. Is this normal?
     
    #4 confuseduser99, May 1, 2014
  5. confuseduser99

    confuseduser99
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    A lot of people say not to worry about labels, but I can't help it. I care too much about labels. That being said, I have NEVER experienced with anyone, so I guess I can't truly determine my orientation right now. Could I however be straight, and just REALLY confused? Or am I just hoping for a hopeless reality?
     
    #5 confuseduser99, May 1, 2014
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