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confused married female

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by unsure2014, May 1, 2014.

  1. unsure2014

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm a married woman and am questioning my sexual orientation. I have no one to talk to about this. I live in a very conservative religious region of the country and am a Christian so I know what kind of stigma would be placed on me if I so much as hinted to anyone about my confusion. It just hit me the other day when some friends and I were discussing sex and I was saying how bad the sex sucks with my husband since we had our second baby and how it's kinda always sucked. She told me to think about what gets me off and then try to use that to form a basis to make the sex with my husband better. That's when it hit me that for the most part what gets me off is thinking about lesbian sex. I'd say 75% of what turns me on is lesbian sex. It terrified me and I've been freaking out ever since. The thing is I am not sexually attracted to my husband. I just don't know where I'm going with this. I am so confused and scared and am just hoping that someone on here can help.
     
  2. CyclingFan

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    Hi unsure!

    I grew up in a very conservative, religious household. Which has surely contributed to the fact that I'm now 41, married for 10 years and still questioning. :slight_smile:

    Just want you to know that you are not alone.
     
  3. StarlightBunny

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    You are not alone, there are a lot of confused ladies out there. I have spent years trying to figure out how to enjoy sex with my husband again, it seems like a chore. I read things on here, then go back to the net and read about straight women losing interest in sex with their hubby yet still loving him very much. I even was just on a mens health magazine with posts like this from straight women who work out tons while their hubby eats junk food and plays video games and that he won't do anything to change it. You know what the advice is, have more sex with him, give it to him at least 2 or 3 times a week and he will change.
    I feel sick reading those things, women complaining about only once a week, I can't even force myself once a month anymore, I am not sure if a woman would change this for me. I am not asexual, I have fantasies, they are women too, I have feelings, but pleasing his downstairs while he only wants to touch mine, but not my heart or my face, while he is great at helping around the house and works everyday.
    I have no good advice, maybe more ppl will read this thread you started. I am completely crushing on a lesbian woman who is my veterinarian, so I don't think I can tell her, and then I am not sure if after a few months or years I would lose interest in her too. I just know my hubby's lack of motivation for our future or lack of wanting to talk about anything meaningful or feelings of cuddling and stuff totally turn me off and I can't imagine doing what these advice columns say.
    Like you, I also do not want to leave my husband, but find myself thinking more and more of the ladies. I have for many years, and when I was single I wanted to date women, but it just never worked out I guess that I could meet the right lady.
    good luck
     
  4. Radioactive Bi

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Perhaps you could talk to your husband about it. Communication is key to a marriage.

    My ex-wife and I finally came to the conclusion we weren't sexually attracted to each other. We have two kids and although we are no longer together, we are still very close and good friends. I don't think that would have been possible if we hadn't had regular talks and really expressed how we both felt and what we both wanted.

    Just a little something to think about...

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lillex

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    I have no idea what situation you are in other than the fact that I'm questioning my sexual orientation aswell, but I have no interest in men or fantasies of them if that makes sense. Although, the thought of becoming a woman makes me very happy: the though has been slowly creeping up on me for about a year now. If I could change into a a biological female this instant I would. I really really wish I was a girl for some reason.. anyways sorry for off topic ramble. I would say that you should follow your heart, but if you do.. it's at the expense of future regrets of being unfaithful to your hubby for seeking out your try sexual orientation by experiementing with women. Either way you will have regrets, and I can't say much because I have almost nothing incommon with you except that I wouldn't want to feel that way until death do us part.
     
  6. unsure2014

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    I would love to be able to talk to him about it but I just can't. He wouldn't understand. He is a great guy and I do love him but he would not understand. He knows I used to look at porn and I think I told him it was lesbian porn but he was more concerned with that fact that porn is wrong then really realizing that it was lesbian porn I was attracted to. I am going to make an appt with a counselor who specializes in this stuff but I am so terrified of anyone I know finding out.