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Trying to work things out

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lostsoul20, May 2, 2014.

  1. Lostsoul20

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    So I keep thinking I'm gay, and Idk how I feel about it. I know if I was my family and friends would still love me, but that dosent satisfy me. I keep planning that I'm gonna have to come out, and I feel everyone is waiting for it. But the idea of it still confuses me, and I'm not comfortable with the idea of being gay at all. I'm poor experienced with women, and now I feel my relationship towards them is only full of lust and nothing else, I've always found it easier to connect with my guy friends, because of nervousness and insecurities with girls, I feel myself getting better and less depressed, but I can't tell why, part of me just wants to accept being gay and go with it, but then I just start thinking of what that means and it disgusts me, I can't seem to do anything, I'm just lying on the couch all day, not making or keeping any relationships, and the thing that is scurrying me the most is that ill meet a girl ill like and I'm interested in, sexually but also just wanting to be with, my fear is that that will happen, but I'm thinking it could end up just being a waste a time, cuz maybe after like a month of being with I'm gonna realize I'm gay, I feel myself opening up more and I just wanna make sure I go In the right direction, any advice besides go with the flow?

    ---------- Post added 2nd May 2014 at 08:56 PM ----------

    I also feel like I'm in the bargaining stage of being gay because I told myself if a guy turned me on and I felt comfortable I would go with it, I didn't really feel good about saying it but it put the thoughts at bay
     
  2. TJ

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    How do you feel about women sexually?
    You've mentioned not being able to get along with them in relationships as well as you do with men, but being homosexual is more about the sexual side of things.

    Don't feel rushed. Nobody is waiting for you to realize your sexuality. Just slow down. Talk with us some more, and hopefully we can figure it out with you. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lostsoul20

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    I've always felt strongly sexually towards women, I notice cute girls driving around, and always watched porn, but idk what it is about actually following through and having sex with them, I keep feeling like I'm losing my attraction to them, cause as of now I'm noticing good looking guys but its not the same feeling, it's not an excited who is this person feeling, it's a why am I thinking if I'm attracted to this guy, and so I feel like I'm switching over or something, I'm questioning the relationships with all my friends, and really tryna feel if there's anything else there, one wierd thing also is I met this girl and I just fell for her idk I just wanted to be with her, and the craziest part was I didn't want to think about her sexually, even though In hs would fantasize about all the hot girls, i test myself too watching gay porn looking at naked guys on the Internet and strong feelings of disgust and wrong arise, but idk if that's cause I'm in denial or something, i feel like I'm almost training myself to be gay or something idk what that means, everything I do and everything I think it all just comes back to sex and I don't want think that way, I think I'm also struggling with identify being 20 and not knowing what I wanna do, and Im feeling like being gay would be the answer to everything, but that does not feel good or right, and thus I keep dwelling am in denial, am I bi curious, or am I just bugging for no reason
     
  4. Lostsoul20

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    I've always had strong sexual feelings for women, but could never seem to follow through, in middle school and hs I would fantazie all the time to having sex with them, now too and I notice cute girls around town, but I feel now like I'm losing that attraction, cause I notice good looking guys too, but it's not the same feeling, it's not an excited who's this person feeling, it's a why am I thinking if I'm attracted to this guy feeling, and that's why i feel like I'm switching over or something
     
  5. igoloo2946

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    Sometimes you just have to 'go with the flow'.
    When the moment is right, your heart will tell you what you want, but you just have to wait, its not like you have to decide that your gay and if you did then from then on out you could only have relationships with guys. Someone told me a while back that I didn't neccesarily have to come out of the closet if I wasn't ready and that it only would really matter if I found someone who I loved and would like to pubically show that love with to everyone eles.
    Relax and take it slow, I know that feeling where your just sitting down wondering if life is passing you by and your somehow missing out because your not openly gay. In the end, do what you feel is right.
     
  6. Lostsoul20

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    And I just want to add I have nothing against the gays at all, I use to be homopbic when I was younger, but then I realized ppl can do whatever they want, but idk I think it's cause I'm struggling with identity cause I'm feeling like being gay would be the answer to all my problems and confusion, but I don't feel right about it or comfortable, I like the idea of being intimate with a guy and emotionally connected, but the sex part just throws me off, and that's why I feel like I'm In denial or something, like I'm not giving it a chance

    ---------- Post added 2nd May 2014 at 09:31 PM ----------

    Thank you for saying that and I feel the same way, if I am gay I would only come out after having experience with another guy, cause I don't really have that much to go off of and label myself like that, I've talked to my family about this, and asking friends if I think I'm gay, and that makes me go to I have to be gay now, and every interaction I have with anybody is that their waiting for me to tell them, but whatever, I think I'm gay, and it even feels like I'm gay, but I'm really trying to be honest with myself, and i really can't say I know I'm gay, and ill figure out I guess, I can't get over tho if I'm not and if I meet a girl and if just wasting her time, I guess we'll see how i feel, I feel like I'm In the closet, does anyone have some insight on what it feels like to be in the closet
     
  7. Youp

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    You seem pretty straight to me...why do you think you are gay? And being able to connect to guys better is not gay but normal for a straight guy...
     
    #7 Youp, May 3, 2014
    Last edited: May 3, 2014
  8. Monraffe

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    You mentioned feeling disgust at watching gay porn which suggests you have an intuitive disapproval of gay people. This also explains why instead of the "excited, who is this person" feeling when seeing an attractive man, you have the "why am I thinking" of men like that response. It's a classic moral dilemma.

    I would guess you are bisexual with a tendency to swing from one orientation to the other. This isn't uncommon, many bisexuals will prefer one sex over the other and can switch sides at some point. This just happens to be the first time you are experiencing it. So, it could very well be that you are becoming gay and that you might go back to being straight again later, maybe even years later.

    Your negative feelings toward your homosexuality is not all that strong and will fade with time as you get used to it, possibly in as little as a month or two.

    It's commendable that you don't want to fall for a girl if you are in the process of turning into a gay man, but at the same time you don't want this switching back and forth to prevent you from having a long term relationship. Keep in mind, we are only taking about sexual attraction here. If at any point you fall in love with a man or woman don't let the superficial facts of life stand in your way of forming a relationship with that person. Everyone is attracted to someone outside the relationship, it doesn't mean we act on it.
     
  9. Lostsoul20

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    I guess I need to figure out if the instinct is against gay people or gay sex

    ---------- Post added 3rd May 2014 at 08:58 PM ----------

    Because my instinct is not be gay, and stick with the sexual feelings I know, but my thoughts lead me to experimenting and I guess I'm scarred of what that could result in, I find some comfortable with the thought of having gay feelings but not acting on them, but that just makes me go to that ill end up gay, I guess going with the flow is key cause I can't seem to do anything

    ---------- Post added 3rd May 2014 at 08:59 PM ----------

    Does this all sound like steriotypical in the closet thoughts? Cause I'm becoming more obsessed with the closet idea than the actual being gay idea