Hi! So, since I was little, I was attracted to both men and women, but since what was seen as 'normal' was to date men, I'd always try to imagine being in a relationship with one. When I was little, I never really had male friends. Now, being in my teenage years, I've started being friends with guys. The thing is, I still find some of them attractive, but I can't imagine being in a relationship with a man. Ever. I watch movies and I find men attractive, but that stops there. I would never want to be in a relationship (physical or romantic) with a guy. I would with a girl. I realized all the major crushes I've had were on girls(kind of blushing/mumbling/rambling/being nervous around them and feeling my heart race whenever they talked to me) while I've never felt that way towards any guy. I came out as a lesbian to two of my friends, who were really supportive, but now I feel weird whenever I think a guy is attractive, because I identify as a lesbian, and would never date them, but still see the appeal. What is that supposed to mean? I know that sexuality is a fluid thing, but it's really confusing. :bang:
I kinda know how you feel. I've been identifying as bi for a couple of months now but when I start to think about the people that I have seriously had a genuine attraction to most of them are women. I don't want to step in and tell you definitively that you are anything in particular because I would almost certainly be wrong and even if I wasn't, I think you should be the one to define yourself, even if you do in inaccurately. One of the things that I did when trying to define my sexuality was to go through a bunch of sentences or statements and then deciding which ones I agreed with and which ones I didn't and which ones I wasn't sure about and then looking up different definitions of sexualities and trying to match a sexuality to the definitions I had. So, when I first started doing this, I would agree to things like "I can imagine having or wanting a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a woman either hypothetically or with a specific person that I know in real life" but disagree to things like "I don't see gender". These two statements would agree with bi or pansexuality, but not so much with omnisexuality. Basically my advice would be to not stress about it and if you are still interested in defining yourself at this stage, try and figure out the things that you are first before finding a label to go with it. Also don't worry if you can't answer some of the questions that you come up with! I had lots of things that went straight into the "I have no fucking clue" basket and that's more than fine. I think it was additionally really good just in that I found it calming, as lame as that might sound. Feeling lost and like you have know idea who or what you are can be seriously overwhelming so sticking to things to you are fact (even if it's something incredibly vague; note my use of words like 'can', 'imagine', 'hypothetically' etc.) can help a lot. Hope I was at least a little helpful
Thank you so much for taking some time to reply to me! It means a lot. I've been really stressed out about this lately, and it feels good to share with people who understand what I'm living. (*hug*)
You sound a lot like me. In my case as I got older I gradually came to realize that I would never want a romantic or sexual relationship with a man, before then I'd always thought that I must be straight or at least bi because I could still find men attractive. There is no rule that says you have to be 100% gay to identify as lesbian, after all straight people are allowed to be curious about the same sex without it affecting their 'straight status'. But of course only you can know your orientation so I don't want to tell you that you're one thing or another.
Thank you so much! I'm feeling a lot better. I hope I'll figure this out soon, cause it really gets on my nerves sometimes :/
