What I'll do if I turn out to be bi

Why do you feel the need to marry a man? Is there a specific fear/ reason for this?

 

Hmmmm you know I sometimes worry about being bi too not because I don't like bi people or anything but because I just don't want to have an attraction to guys and I worry that if I do I'll have random "cravings" for men or end up liking them more than woman or eventually loose how I feel for woman. My worst fear is being bi and marrying a beautiful woman who I love more than anything but loosing interest in her and liking a man or something. So that's why I have that fear.

I don't know if we're similar in this instance but I mean you know would you be happy with a man? I mean let's say you were bi and you married some dude, would you *really* like him? Would you seriously be able to live your whole life with a man without wanting a woman and be sexually fulfilled and have kids (maybe) and just live that life? If you have doubts about that then maybe the answer is just a no. I think a lot about how I'm not fond of straight sex or male genitals and that usually puts me out of my "what if I do like guys" obsessive thoughts.

It's okay but if it's any consultation you always sound very gay leaning to me.

 

I just don't want to be dating girls for a long time and end up with a guy

Why?

 

Even if you find yourself attracted to men and don't like the idea of admitting you are "bi", you still don't have to date men if you don't want to. Being bi is not a choice but dating a specific gender is. But at the same time, if It's because of any kind of shame I think It's better to accept your attractions

And even if you are bi, why do you feel you have to marry a man instead of a woman?
You say It's because you can hide being gay, but I thought you wanted to be gay? Would you still try to hide it if you were actually gay and date men (Lesbians can date/marry men too)?

Being in the questioning stage can be hard, but I think all this obsession with not wanting to be bi might harm your mental health in the long run Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist so you can discuss this.

 

I'm sorry, but I find this a little bizarre. If you are really are bi, then having a few relationships with women won't get anything out of your system as you'll still be bi at the end. I mean, what are you going to do? Go out with women for a bit and then sabotage your relationships so you can get something out of your system. That's not really fair on the girls your with if you're just using them to get somewhere else.

Also being bi doesn't mean you'll have some uncontrollable craving for guys either. And if you do have a relationship with a guy and it doesn't work out, what happens if you find another guy you really like? Are you just going to deny your feelings and pretend to be something your not?

You just find a partner you like, regardless of gender, and make what you can out of it. I'm not trying to be mean to you or have a go. I'm really not. Nor am I trying to tell you what to do. I'm just trying to give a few things to think about as your attitude and approach to things just seems a little perverse.

Happy days

 

I think I understand the OPs point of view. She is dealing with the constant "what if...?" of the bargaining stage when coming to terms with her sexuality. There are so many people out there ready to pounce on a questioning person, with tired rhetoric about "phases" and just needing to "find the right man", its easy to understand the appeal of staying in the closet until absolutely sure (well, as much as one can be *sure*). And as for her aversion to bisexuality, I can empathize. Bisexuality can be another layer of confusion for someone seeking a more simplistic roadmap. For *some* bisexuals, the complication begins when having to ask themselves which gender they prefer sexually and/or romantically? If there preference is fluid or solid? If in the long run they are really gay/straight? I can see how these thoughts can be more difficult for someone with ocd.

 

I'm definitely in this stage. There are things I like about women more and things I like about men more, and it's hard putting pressure on myself not to make the "wrong" choice. There are times I think I'm more romantically attracted to women but more sexually attracted to men, but that's my way of justifying certain behaviors in the past. I could think about this all day in circles until my head just explodes. That's why I'm not gonna think bout this all day. And basically if I were living in the 1950s or something, I'd marry a guy probably and be ok with it. But it's the 2010s and I don't want to marry a guy potentially. Freeedoommmm!!!

I think it comes down to the individual, and the important thing is to stay in touch with how you're feeling and not judging it. Bisexuality is murky and there are 1000 ways to be bisexual, so it's important to find your own experience and not compare yourself constantly to others.

And if it is a phase, go ahead get it out of your system! Maybe the phase will pass maybe it wont. I know it's intimidating to think about friends and family potentially saying "hey remember that time she dated women? that was a crazy time in her life, thank GOD she found a man!" but this isn't about them this is about you. So stop worrying about the rest of the haters and if you're feeling the ladies now, then it's your right to pursue that avenue. And if you find that you will forever be into ladies and this phase is not ending, then you've found your type and congrats.

My parents are the generation that thinks that either you're born gay or you're born straight, and tolerance is all about realizing that it's nobody's fault that he/she/ze is gay; they just are who they are. My generation is all about choice: who cares who anyone is sleeping with? It's about freedom and the right to do what we want. So when my parents want me to decide I think, "I wish I could". But when my friends ask me to decide, I say "Who cares?" I love growing up in our generation.

 

That is exactly what my Mother will probably say when she finds out I'm currently with a guy. She literally prays daily that God will make me straight, which I'm not. I'm still attracted to women, in general. I don't act on that attraction, just like I never cheated on my former GF with other women either. If my current relationship ends, I don't want to date any more guys. Unlike women, I don't have a general attraction to them. I'm not going to date guys to try to get whatever happened with my BF to maybe happen with another guy just so I can please homophobes. I'll probably never get her to understand that, but oh well, it's my life not hers.

 

Good on you for realizing that if you were to date other guys it would just be to please homophobes. But it's also hard when said homophobes might be someone who loves you, like your mother. In any case it looks like you have your answers right in front of you, if you're being honest with yourself. As for your mother, she'll have a hard time regardless of whether or not this is a phase or whether it's permanent. Ok that's not helpful or comforting at ALL... but you can't place your mother's happiness above yours. I'd venture to guess that she raised you as best as she could hoping you'd be happy and healthy, and that's it. Now it's your right to make yourself happy, even if it's not the way your mom pictured your happiness.

 

Actually it is helpful, thank you. I've been dreading having to talk to her about it, but at least this time I'll get to pick the right time and place.

 

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.....:dry:

Hold on a second. You say you will be fine "pretending,' to be straight, because you'll still be attracted to your man?

I wish it were that easy, dear. I am struggling a LOT with this issue right now. I'm not saying my bisexuality is the same as everyone else's, but god, I WISH I could have known with your level of confidence that my sexuality would never grow or fluctuate or change...

Sexuality can transition over time...Please remember that. (*hug*)

 

I can say that I'm almost Kinsey 3, perhaps 2.9 or 3.1 who knows :lol:

And Raindrops is right. If you are bi, you can pretend to be straight, although you won't be happy with it. You can be in an opposite-sex relationship of course, but pretending to be straight won't magically fix all problems. You will still have same-sex attraction.

I don't care whether I end up with a man or a woman, it should be someone I love. I will tell them that I am bisexual and I won't pretend I'm straight.

 

That's why I don't come out.. I have nothing to hide, that's for sure, but why would I tell people I'm ALSO attracted to the same gender? Wouldn't make much sense in my opinion. I never told people that I was straight anyway.

The same for me, I'm also very monogamous and also demisexual, so the chances of me finding someone else who I will fell in love with are quite low. Anyway, I do think it's important to tell my wife (in your case: husband). I simply want everything to be spoken out, everything to be clear. Honesty. :icon_bigg And to be able to make remarks like "he looks good too".

Surpressing those things is difficult. You won't be happy when you need to surpress all that.

You can get away with it, but you won't be as happy as you can be. I'd rather find a very accepting partner. (*hug*)