Background: I'm a girl, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly five years, we started dating when we were 18 and I didn't have any serious relationships before that. He was my first and I love him more than I can say. Every now and then I used to have thoughts about what it would be like to be with my best female friend. Y'know that rush of impulsiveness, where you just think 'what would happen if I leant over and kissed her right now?' but then just think you're crazy and forget about it? It was like that at first, but slowly as we got older and started going out drinking etc. these thoughts were getting more frequent. ( I thought It was just to do with jealousy - she's 'the pretty one' etc. - so didn't read too much into it.) We were always super close and would cuddle and for example kiss eachother on the cheek goodbye or whatever. Then I got together with my bf and didn't think about her in that deeper way again, and we were the same best friends as always. Moving away to uni, I didn't notice any thoughts about girls until late into 2nd year - another close friend. I had the occasional irrational thought moment about her like before, but pushed it away. Getting tipsy and bolder, we kissed occasionally, but it was very clear it was in the 'we're young and fun, it's just friendly, haha we so drunk' kind of mentality, making people stare then laughing etc., and by the next morning I had genuinely got it out of my head and things were normal for ages again. Now i've started to think this way about a new friend. I've always been able to appreciate how someone looks regardless of their gender, but thoughts about kissing or more have only happened with friends/ people I have gotten to know, so I'm wondering if anyone on here can tell me if they think I am bisexual or if I am just a bit weird with getting attached to friends for some reason! I am in a committed, monogamous relationship and I would hate the idea of 'pausing it to experiment' or whatever, so I don't know if I can identify with myself as bisexual without the experience or... what. Also, how on earth do I communicate it to my bf if I am bisexual? It wasn't lying as I haven't really let myself figure this all out until now, but... I don't know what to do here. Sorry for the essay... ^ If anyone has thoughts or comments please help me! ~confused. x
Maybe you're heterosexual and demisexual bisexual, if that makes sense. As in you are attracted to guys and girls, but you're only attracted to women if you already have a good relationship. I believe once can figure out sexuality without experimenting, in which case you could stay with your boyfriend. If you want to tell him just to be open and honest, assuming you don't want to break up with him over it, just make sure he realizes you just felt the need to tell him and it doesn't impact your relationship.
That does make sense, thankyou. I definitely don't want to break up with him, I just worry about causing a strain on our relationship. I hear what you mean about the need for a good relationship beforehand, but that's also how it happened with my boyfriend and the two previous guys I dated - they wear all my friends first, so I think that's a general thing with me. This might sound pretty thick, but I'm worried about having this conversation with people because I know they will ask 'how do i know without doing it' or whatever and i don't really wanna say, well, a female friend can give me 'the feelings' too...
I just looked up demisexual and that makes a lot more sense to me now. Sorry to be confusing, I was working with the wrong information! That does sound like me... Anyone else think so/ think differently? I would love some more opinions on this
Demisexual sounds right to me. You could be bisexual without having had any experience with women, or any desire to experiment any time soon. I've never actually been with a woman, though I know I'm attracted to them more often than men. I'm in a monogamous long term relationship that I wouldn't want to give up, no matter how attractive the woman (though in my case, he does intend to transition to a female body once we're financially independent. I don't know if that counts as cheating my bisexuality, haha). I would say that if you think your boyfriend would take it okay, you should tell him. It doesn't have to be a big deal in your relationship with him, but it's something he should know now, before you meet a woman you might be tempted to try something with. I've told my partner about every woman I find attractive, but he's not worried because he knows I love him too much to cheat.
I think I'm a demisexual bisexual, because I have a committed and fulfilling relationship with a guy, despite all of my previous relationships were with women. I'm a 5 on the Kinsey scale. Despite this, it's like LibraryKitten said, I'm in a monogamous long term relationship too and I wouldn't want to give him up, no matter how attractive the woman. My BF knew of my attraction to women when we started dating, and he also knows I'm not going to cheat on him. It's risky to tell someone but it's less riskier if he hears it from you instead of someone else. I wish I had suggestions for how, but I don't, sorry.
