Still trying to figure this out...

If you're gay or at least bisexual, would you immediately know it the first time you had sex with a person of the same sex? Or can there still be a bit of an analyzing / figuring out process? Do some people feel like they need a little more experience to know for certain?

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I'm an anxious, insecure person who cares too much what others think in general, and that carries over into my perception of my sexuality. It's like when I finally start to feel comfortable about myself, I'll think "Well, so and so did x, y or z and is still straight, so I might be, too. " It's a shame because I wish I could just be secure and certain of something for once in my life.

I keep thinking over to the one experience I had with a woman. My sexual experience in general is somewhat limited -- the only man I've ever been with is my husband (who is OK with me seeing other women), and my experience on the lady side thus far is a one-night stand. It wasn't a one-night stand by choice, btw, I expected it to be more and really wanted to see her again, but it just didn't work out for whatever reason.

But I keep worrying over an aspect of it. Mainly, I keep thinking about how I wasn't necessarily as aroused or horny as I expected to be, and I wonder if that means I'm not really bisexual, although I did orgasm. But I also think, there were many, many times during heterosexual sex that I wasn't that aroused or horny either, yet I didn't analyze it to death like I did this experience. That's the thing I don't get -- why we analyze our same-sex attractions, encounters, etc. to death to make sure we're really gay or bisexual. I think a lot if it is conditioning from society -- it's taken for granted to be heterosexual or have those desires, experiences etc -- but it's like you have to do so much to "prove" you're gay or bisexual. Anyway, I digress...

I think a lot of it may have had to do with the fact that I was EXTREMELY shy, anxious and nervous... It was with a woman I just met, I'd never even been with a woman before, and the whole experience was just like a huge adrenaline rush. But more than just arousal, there was something about being with a woman that was different, but better than a man... I can't quite pinpoint it. I think it was more of an emotional aspect, like that it just felt really fulfilling, satisfying and "right" somehow. I just really loved that whole intimacy and bonding with another woman. Also, I was really turned on whenever I thought of the things we did to the point of fantasizing and dreaming about it, and really wanted to do it again... just, like I said, things didn't work out.

I don't know, sorry for the long-winded post but I'm still trying to find answers.... If someone could maybe shed some insight, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

 

Well, honestly I feel like I really did like this girl, although maybe it's hard to assess for certain with just meeting someone once. But more than anything else I think it was just that I was scared and nervous being my first time with another woman and all. It takes time for me to get comfortable with a person and really into the sex. I remember even with my husband, I was really scared the first few times and couldn't get into it.

 

This whole thing is just really depressing me and keeping me in a rut. :/ I wish I had the opportunity to have a full-on relationship with a female, but haven't yet. I feel like that would help explain a lot for me. It's like, I strongly suspect that I prefer females but without the real-world experience to back it up, how can you know for sure? Without that, it seems like it's all based on suspicions, on the abstract.

For right now I'm mostly sticking with the category of "open-minded" or "unlabelled." I'm hoping that maybe one day I'll have a better understanding of where my preferences lie and more stability and security.