struggling closeted femme lesbian, has anyone been here??

I know what you mean here for sure. Im such a goof ball and even more so around her. I'm not sure what I am yet but I can tell you, even though I'm a bit younger than you, I know what you mean. I'm not totally femme (more of a tomboy). I'm just torturing myself by flirting but girls do that anyways, I think if you are ready and that you know she might like you or care about you, you should tell her so you don't destroy yourself. I wish you luck and hope that you find your answers.

 

What's the worst that could happen if you accepted yourself, came out, and cleaned up your act a bit? Maybe you'd like your life a bit more and attract.someone worthy of your courage and self discipline? Its not easy, but girl, you're going through a lot of unnecessary hurdles, in my humble opinion. And not healthy hurdles either. :/ you have both the question and the answer. I hope getting it out of your chest can clear some of it up! You can do it!

 

I went through a phase where I had a crush on one (straight) friend and every time we'd get drunk I'd run over to my other friend (who knew about said crush) and told her "Stop me if I'm getting too flirty, it's soooo hard!!" Eventually the crush passed but I wanted that feeling again with another woman.

It was hard acknowledging that I wanted something different from what I had been getting, and that I no longer wanted to sleep with (only) guys. I had to let go of the idea that because I had experience with guys I should keep dating guys forever, just to avoid learning a whole new way of connecting with other humans. (not that it's that different, tbh).

Anyways you have a clean break right now and a fresh start after college, I hope you can take this opportunity to begin self-acceptance. You can define yourself however you want. I had this idea when I finished college that my childhood was over and I was who I was always going to be, and wasn't going to change ever again. Well I quickly realized that it's boring not to change, and that your twenties are THE time for self-exploration, and thank god I'm not the person I was in undergrad!

 

Your story sounds way too similar to mine, my first girl crush was on a straight girl friend of mine. Ugh it sucks so much I pathetically pursued her for half a year until she got so uncomfortable she yelled at me but I was so in love I was blinded which I look back at and feel terrible for. I'm femme too and I want all the same thing as you do minus I want to be the little spoon with a girl. But seriously we do exist. If you're looking for a femme girl there are "femme" gay bars I think there's one in Vegas and LA but google it up or maybe there might be femme get togethers and groups in your area. But to make a start try going to your LGBT center and socializing and meeting other gay woman. Best of luck

 

You are so young - 21! Don't put so much pressure on yourself! Concentrate on passing your exams, eat healthy foods. Get your head together and don't drink too much. Get more involved in the lesbian community, meet some great women and have some fun. Be who you want to be and take the steps in getting there - take control of your life. It will be fine, have faith.

 

I think you need to learn to take a step at a time , you need to learn to accept yourself for now don't worry about attracting girls and what not join a Gay straight alliance club in your school where you can talk to people about how you feel , I really wish i did that back then . I also know the feeling of worrying if girls will find you attractive I worry about it to this day .