Hi! I’m a young european man in the early 20’s who is unsure about my sexuality. I would really, really have your thoughts on my situation, because I feel lost, I feel lonely. First: I am a virgin, I don’t watch porno (never) and I don’t mastrubate (not even once). However, I can get a booner and a can have eraction while sleeping. Occasionally girls hit on me, but I do always just pretend like it is raining. Until just this year I’ve been convinced that I were straight. To be honest, I have never given it any thought, but I’ve simply assumed that I would be as ”everyone” else. I grew up in a small community (>10000) where only a handfull of people were openly bi- or homosexual. A while ago I started to think. Is it normal not to actually want to watch porn or to mastrubate? Is it really normal to be a virgin my age and still not feel a need to have sex? I started to think and I have been doing so for some time but I feel that I can’t ”solve” myself; I cannot find my sexuality or my identity. I began thinking I were asexual. First it made sense, but then I doubted it. I would like to have sex with a person I love and admire, but not with just a drunk chick or guy after a late night out. I think I could have sex with a person if I believed it could lead to a beatifuel relationsship that would last, even if I didn’t felt in love at the time we would have sex for the first time. Considering this, I would believe I’m a demisexual. But demisexual isn’t really a sexual orientation, is it? I should also classify as bi- hetero- or homosexual. As I mentioned; I have always presumed that my orientation is hetero, but this is simply what I have told myself, it is not a genuine feeling. Assuming I am demisexual, that would mean I do not search sex because of sexual attraction as such, but rather because of a deeper attraction; an attraction to a human being, and not his or her gender. Is there a correlation between demisexuality and bisexuality? Might I be bi (or even homo), or am I simply curious? All input is great, I will not solve this question alone, I feel. Will answer questions if something is not clear. And sorry for bad english, but I wanted to be really obvious not to cause any misunderstanding.
Have you ever been interested in someone sexually? You might have a lower sex drive than other people, or not get turned on visually but rather through physical contact or personal connection. Is there some other reason why you havne't slept with other people, and could that same reason be holding you back from finding the answer? (that doesn't mean that you have to sleep with someone to know, but if there's a reason that you don't want to sleep with other people, then it could interfere with the normal thought processes that would otherwise allow you to figure this out on your own.)
Hi I am not expert in sexual orientation and , to be honest , I don't have much knowledge about asexuality/demisexulity , but have you considered therapy ? a good therapist can help you figure out your sexuality and identity .
Hi! I have of coursed thought things like "that girl is attractive" etc (and probably the same about men), but I have not really thought "Wow, I would like to sleep with he or she" simply based on their look. Another reason might be that I am quite shy, but I am not socialy dumb and I can interact with people, but it is hard for me to build up trust in another person. That might be a partial explanation, I would guess. And I can imagine that I get turned on not just by look (physical attraction) but also by some sort of trust and connection with the person I felt attracted to. Have not considered that, but to be honest I started to questioned my sexuality just some months ago, before that I thought I was just a "heterosexual virgin". A therapy could be a good alternative, I will bear that in mind!
You don't watch porno or you don't masturbate? Hm-m, that's not something you hear every day. When someone hits on me, my reaction depends on the person. Pretending like it's raining is not that weird for me, I do it too (I am demisexual bisexual). Sounds like me until I was 13. No matter what people may say, being a virgin your age is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Society puts some pressure upon us, but seriously, there is nothing wrong with it. I don't have the need to have sex either and I couldn't find my identity too! You sound exactly like a demisexual right now. That's what I am too. That's why I am not sexually attracted to anyone, unless I know them. Sometimes it sucks, it really does, but you will accept yourself eventually. (*hug*) ** Here are some questions for you: 1. Do you mind living the rest of your life with a female? Someone who you love? 2. Do you mind living the rest of your life with a male? Someone who you love? 3. Do you mind living the rest of your life with another gender (all other but male / female)? Someone who you love? 4. Do you think you can have sex with someone you barely know? ** I am a demisexual bisexual. I'm not easily sexually attracted, you could say I'm quite picky, but I can feel some attraction once I got to know someone. It has something to do with the personality too. :icon_bigg I don't mind ending up with a man or woman. I can perfectly imagine it. Good luck and I hope to see your answer! (&&&)
Oh, it seemes like we have quite a lot in common. T-that makes me happy, for some reason. Before starting to read on the internet I felt so lonely, so it is a new experience for me to find equally minded people, so to speach. In my heart I know this and nowadays I am not ashamed of telling people that I'm a virgin, but just a few years ago I lied about it. Today I am actually a bit proud of it. Yeah, the definition of a demisexual seems to correspond well to my personality. I have beend doing some reading last week (on this forum and on other places) and demisexual really seems to be ... me. And it is really great to hear from other demisexuals, such as you. (*hug*) 1. No, I don't mind. 2. N-no, don't mind that either, I think. (kinda hard to admit, actually, would not have done it just a month ago) 3. At this time I believe I would be to confused for a relationsship like that. Maybe that will change in the future, but yeah, it would confuse me. The answer is no, at this moment. 4. No, that is out of question. I even avoid getting to drunk just to be sure I don't sleep with someone I dont know. Thanks for your answer, it was very contributing and helpfull! Feels great to be in contact with people who have had my thoughts and considerations, who, in one view, are like me.
I'm so glad you don't feel lonely anymore. (*hug*) I felt lonely too. I was comfortable with how I felt, I didn't mind if I was gay, but I couldn't find out who I really was. I did the same as you did, I signed up to EC and started to ask questions. Now that I found the right labels, I feel it all makes sense. I am too, welcome! I believe it has something to do with my demisexual part. Perhaps it's the same for you. Glad I could help! For me it seems like you're much like me, although you find it odd to admit you wouldn't mind ending up with a man. But that's okay. It's indeed scary, especially when society wants us to be straight (and live happily ever after). To find out you don't fit in, makes you very lonely (at least it did to me). I would guess you're also demisexual bisexual, but that's NOT up to me to decide. (*hug*) You should decide it for yourself and you should feel comfortable. When I found out I was demisexual (I didn't even know it existed before EC!), I couldn't even sleep properly. Not because I felt sick, no, because I felt so happy! :lol: If you have any questions, just ask them. I'm glad I can help (and I'm glad there's someone who's much like me!) (&&&)
Wow, you are me! :icon_bigg Its great to hear that everything turned out se well for you, right now I think it will do so for me aswell! Yeah, its probably a phases. All theese year I have simply assumed that I must be straight. I don't find it odd being in love with a man, it is just that I realised this just this week or so. I too think that demisexual bisexual is the correct lable to describe who I am. I will do some additional reading, both here on EC and elsewhere, but it just seems so right. And that makes me so happy, as it made you! (*hug*) Might absolutely come up with some question, but I think I must consider theese labels a bit. "Try them" :lol: And I am very grateful for your answers (and also very glad that we are so very much alike) and for the kind recieving I have been given here at EC, from you and others! Means a lot! (&&&)
It really turned out very well for me. I feel like I've never been happier before. :icon_bigg And finding someone who is very much like me is also great! Let it settle, you may overthink this a couple of times (like I did), but you will be more comfortable with it eventually. I also tried out several labels and it did work out for me. :icon_bigg Hope you'll find out for sure too! I'm glad I could help! Could luck and let us know if you have any updates! (&&&)
