it is really confusing but I think I'm close to accepting this. I understood I like girls only but I felt romantic attraction towards guys and had crushes on them. They were not sexual but still crushes so that's why I "called" myself biromantic lesbian. Lately I was thinking a lot about love and I noticed something... when I wake up in the morning I want to see a girl next to me ; when I look to my future I see myself with a girl (I never wanted to marry anyone, actually, never wanted to be married with a man) ; when I think about loving a girl and looking at her smiling or holding hands it's just so true, real and beautiful I get chills.. I don't know is it what counts as romantic attraction? I can't imagine it with a man because it's just wrong to me. I don't know why... I just don't feel the same way. I always though that I'm not romantic that's why when a guy tells me he loves me or that I'm important to him I can't answer the same way... when I found out I like girls all these love songs started to make sense. Time is passing and feelings to girls are getting stronger everyday. It's scary because I thought I liked guys in a romantic way too. When I imagine loving a guy I just can't... I don't feel that warmth in it and I don't feel alive. Even now if a girl is holding my hand playfully I feel so alive and happy inside I'm freaking out inside "what is happening to me?! stop!". I think about it non-stop actually. What is it that I'm feeling for girls..?
I think that in this case you are confusing your romantic ideas and dreams with your capacity to fall romantically for people of both genders. I also identify as bi-romantic, and in my case it simply means that I tend to be attracted to peoples personalities rather than their gender: people are people and sometimes we want to be close to them, regardless of what gender they are. But with age and experience I realised that I prefer women sexually and that from my relationships with men there was something essential missing, in other words that sexually I am gay. That did not necessarily diminish my capacity to feel drawn to people, but it limited the range of those people I'd consider dating. When we fantasise romantically, we fantasise about something 'ideal', something that does not have missing elements, and if you learned about yourself that you are more into women sexually, then that knowledge will be incorporated into your fantasies: you'll fantasise romantically about the people who are capable of giving you all the aspects that you want in a relationship, and that includes sex.
When I imagine loving a guy I just can't... I don't feel that warmth in it and I don't feel alive. This tells it all. I think you're finally truly accepting yourself the way you are, you are perhaps more open about it, or you are not surpressing the emotions. It's an amazing feeling, isn't it? To answer the title, I don't know whether your romantic attraction was an illusion. Perhaps there was some romantic attraction, not a strong attraction that is. But anyway, why would you care? (*hug*) It happened. You live now. It's more important to understand (or try to understand) your life now, than to understand your life back then. Live your life. :icon_bigg
I know. It's just if I'm biromantic and I have a crush on guy now I wouldn't date him because sexually it wouldn't work out. And I had crushes on guys in past and they were pretty strong ones but I never felt desire to have sex with them. It was strong but it was more of a strong conection. Huge empathy I was feeling for this one guy felt so real but actually we were so alike I felt how he felt and we were so conected... I never dated him but I really wanted to be with him. Thinking about it now, it wasn't romantic.. You see, I have a problem separating strong friendship, empathy and conection between romantic and sexual attraction. What's the difference? ---------- Post added 8th May 2014 at 01:31 AM ---------- I'm happy and really scaried at the same time now. and yes, I'm more open about it because even through I came out to my few friends as bisexual they know I like girls and it feels good.. I tried to explain my romantic feelings for guys, to my friend and I failed. I just started to feel more sure that I'm a lesbian. My biggest problem is that I'm scared of it. I always believed I liked guys too - sexually and emotionally when I identified as bi. Later I felt like biromantic lesbian and I still "knew" I had something for guys.. and now at last, I'm finding myself feeling nothing for guys. I'm totally freaking out. I try to accept myself but thinking about it that I'm only into girls makes me so confused and terrified...
I understand that it's difficult for you to "get" what is happening. As you probably know, it's not "you're bi and you always are". Things change a little. Your point of views change, your personality changes, etc.. I can imagine how difficult it is to explain romantic feelings to anyone. I don't even know what it is truly like, being demisexual I rarely have those feelings (the same for sexual attraction). You are finding yourself feeling nothing for guys, and there's nothing wrong with that. I understand that it's difficult, but it really is nothing to be ashamed of. You're observing what is happening, and that is a good thing! :icon_bigg The only question I have is.. Why are you terrified? Why does it matter when you are only into girls?
Well, my family is homophobic and they probably would kick me out if they found out. But it's just a little part of it.. My biggest problem is that I can't fully accept it myself. Society expects me to like guys and I can't feel it no matter how hard I try. When my girl friends talk about guys and how hot they are and about relationship I feel left out. I have boyish point of wiew on relationship, so for me it's easy to date a guy and I dated them... there is nothing. I prefer guys as friends and I'm mistaken something with something. Another problem is that I'm afraid of being alone. I live in a small country and I don't know any gay people here. I feel like the only one "this way"... I can even be homophobic for myself.
Aw, that's indeed not good. You could use a hug! (*hug*) If your family is homophobic, I wouldn't tell them what you're going through, because it might make your life more complicated.. My country is quite small too, but there are a lot of inhabitants and moreover my country is very liberal. It must be difficult for you indeed. But you are in this situation, and I bet more people in your country are. You are not alone, although you feel like it.. Are there no organizations in your country whatsoever? I think those can help you a lot. And please, don't you EVER be homophobic to yourself. (*hug*) You're completely normal. Society puts so much pressure on us, but don't let it fool you. See through its distorted view. If your country really is much of a problem, I would consider moving out. It will make things easier.
There is LGBT community in my country but not in my town sadly. And yeah, I thought about moving but, that's my second problem, I can't take it. I feel like a weirdo. Every girl I know is into guys and I feel left out. I just can't find the way to accept it and deal with it .. :/
THIS IS ME!!!! I've always thought that I was romantically attracted to women, and I knew that I was sexually attracted to men. I've always envisioned myself with a woman one day, until recently. The past week or so, I've been waking up and picturing a dreamy guy beside me. I've even woken up in the middle of the night aroused, pretending that my body pillow was that dreamy guy. It felt so right. Really euphoric. I too am now wondering if romantic attraction is nothing more than an illusion; our societal conditioning.
confuseduser99, Yeah, I was dreaming I am a man and I'm having sex with a girl... I woke up aroused in the middle of the night too. It was scary but it makes sense I guess. Society is really strong power. I think it's easier to effect romantic feelings than sexual. I mean for me, society influenced my thinking but, my sexual desires was always in me I just somehow decided to ignore them. Now, it is hard and confusing because everything is clearing up so fast... Oh and, it's comforting to know I'm not alone, I hope we will find out who we are sooner or later.(*hug*)
