Butch, femme, none of the above?

Hey

I'm not butch and I'm not femme. I found this term "stem" and this just really suits me. It is between stud and fem. I wear make-up (not girly one but I love black eyeliner) but I dress boyish and it seems you do too. You didn't mentioned everything so it's hard to say but if you are not butch girl stem could fit. Google it.

I hope I helped a bit.

 

Erm, I think you just described me.

I don't fit into a category either and I don't know how exactly I fit into girls-dating-girls culture. I don't think most people have a clearly defined category, unless they're very strongly drawn to one or are in a creative career.

Personally I just call my category "academic tomboy sporty casual rebel". I dress androgynous with an edge, but appropriate for work in a casual setting. And I want to attract women but also don't want to completely eliminate the possibility of guys. I don't feel comfortable in men's clothes, nor do I feel comfortable in really girly frilly sparkly stuff. I'm just my own thing I guess.

Anyways back to you: it sounds like you want to signal to other women that you're interested? Correct? There are ways to do that without being completely butch or hard femme. Either dress androgynously with some more masculine accessory like a belt; or wear something rainbow (can be subtle) or bisexual pride, or just make flirty eyes with other girls and hope they're not as shy and maybe they'll approach you...

 

The thing is you don't need to categorize yourself. Putting labels on yourself just makes it confusing cause you try and fit them. If you like beaten up jeans wear that, if you like dresses too wear them, labels were made up by other people to generalize people. Not by people who fit them.

 

I disagree. Some may be comfortable without labeling themselves, but for others including me a label provides a sort of closure to any previous confusion and although it can change. This isn't to say that you can't change your mind but it still acts as a milestone on this issue.

 

In my experiences, lesbians relationships don't have gender roles to begin with so it doesn't affect who you'll end up with. I'm considered a "soft butch/chapstick" which is exactly what you're describing; I've never had much of a problem with girls, regardless if they were "butch", "femme" or inbetween.

 

Well you kinda sound like me

So I shall tell you what I do.

Forget about labels. They're annoying and silly and if you overthink them, they needlessly stress you out.

I know you're saying you want to fit into a category, but we are talking about personality here. There's no such thing as definite. When you're dealing with ways of expressing yourself and what makes you comfortable to do, and to be seen as, there are no restrictions. Characteristics spill over, and cover various categories, and you can consider yourself as belonging to ALL of those. You can make up your own word for a label you want, even. What I'm saying is, it doesn't matter what word you assign to your personality, as long as you're comfortable and happy with it.

 

I agree with the people saying that labels are stupid.. But I can't deny that I've wondered about my own 'label' I'm bisexual which is general. I'm into girly girls but am not a girly girl myself. I'm rarely attracted to guys. I'm attracted to whoever the person is not what they are. ANYWAYS, your special not being able to label yourself

 

Just be who you are...

Being a Butch or a Femme is different from being butch or femme in dress/expression.(Butch/Femme dynamics have nothing to do with how you dress or makeup) Also,there is not just butch or femme in lesbians. Many are not. You need to find out what you feel comfortable with and don't let anyone tell you different. There are Stems, Tombois, Bois, Sporty, Granola/Natural...the list goes on and on. To be honest, you sound rather Tomboi to me. My youngest is Tomboi Femme. You can google types of lesbians and read up on it in Urban dictionary, etc to get a feel for it. Do some research. Find out what is comfortable for you.

If you want girls to notice you, make eye contact with them, do the body sweep with your eyes(respectfully) and wear rainbow items so they realize you could be lesbian. And go where they are. Gay venues and gatherings, Pride etc.

I hope this helps.

 

There aren't "types" of lesbians, exactly. There are "types" of people, and some of them just happen to be lesbians

 

Are ya asking about how to flirt? Cuz i got NO CLUE. That's a topic for a whole nother thread. Or a whole PhD thesis.