I've seen a few threads of people saying how they don't enjoy sexual/intimate activity and that it really confuses them. And it's something I have dealt with for a while and understand it a bit better now. It's ok if you don't enjoy sex. That doesn't mean you aren't the sexuality you thought you were. When I was younger I realized I'm attracted to guys. I have a boyfriend now, and its amazing I love spending time with him and talking to him. But when it comes to being intimate I don't enjoy it, in fact it almost grosses me out. But that's something I've always dealt with. I too thought that since I didn't like getting intimate with a guy that I wasn't actually attracted to them. But over time I realized that's not necessarily true. Asexuality exists. It means you just don't have a sexual attraction to men, women, non-binary people, anyone. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong or that you can't enjoy a meaningful committed relationship. Being sexually attracted to someone and romantically attracted to someone are 2 different things. You can be homoromantic and asexual at the same time. It might be extremely confusing in the beginning and hard but don't let someone else pressure you into sex if you don't want to. If who you're with doesn't understand and keeps pressuring you into sex they don't deserve to be with you. There's someone out there who will understand where you are coming from. And will respect your boundaries. There's more to a relationship than sex. Just because the public puts such a big deal on it doesn't mean you have to have it in your life to. I just want to help out anyone who might be questioning themselves about an issue like this it took me a long time to understand and come to terms with it. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
I agree with most everything written above. One study of couples (gay and straight) showed that close to 40% of long term relationships go through periods (or a lifetime) where there's no sexual intimacy, yet these relationships are rich, healthy and fulfilling. And there is a very small percentage of the population (less than 1% by most measures) who are genuinely asexual. The place I differ is the encouragement to simply accept without exploration and evaluation the idea that one may be asexual. While there definitely are people who are asexual, the (limited, flawed, and generally biased) studies that are out there on asexuality nearly all show a strong correlation between asexuality and other psychological issues (depression, anxiety, and aggression being the most common.) What we don't know is whether the psychological issues are causing the asexuaity, whether the asexuality (and feeling of isolation that results) causes the psychological issues, or if they are simply unrelated and coexistent. Further, we also know that people who experience episodic depression or anxiety often see a loss of sex drive as a result of those conditions, and that, once the underlying issues are resolved, the sex drive returns. I've personally known a number of people whose sex drives were nonexistent, and who abhorred or were afraid/uncomfortable with sex. In each of the cases I'm familiar with, once the individual addressed and worked through the underlying issues, they were surprised to find that they actually had a healthy sex drive that translated to a richer experience. Of course, there are undoubtedly many people out there who are genuinely part of the 1% of the population that simply have no sex drive and never will. But the majority of people who experience this need not simply accept it, as it is something that, for them, can be addressed and resolved. If we care about living full, actualized lives, we owe it to ourselves to at least explore the possibility that there might be a different option than simply accepting that we will not and cannot feel attraction or sexual desire.
It's okay if someone doesn't want sexual/intimate activity. Society tries to tell people otherwise. There is, however, a problem with people clinging to the label asexual, when they're really a sexual person. Venial sins are understandable, mortal sins... will tick me off. That wasn't directed at you, it's just something I see a lot of people do. It's also okay if somebody is aromantic. It doesn't mean they're heartless. They can feel an emotional connection (akin to that of strong friendship) to their partner. I wonder if anyone here has heard of the term 'demiromantic'. Isn't that how most people feel about relationships... I dunno.
Thank you!! I'm so tired of acephobia. I consider myself "in between" (Half-asexual, half-sexual) and I've faced discrimination and pressure too. So thanks for this post!
Yea sorry I get anxious when I write about stuff like this and I start to rush myself and forget about things. Pl us I'm mostly going off my own experience. But I feel like you're making it seem easier to just get over or even identify those issues. Some people can work for years trying to get over the cause of something like that and just not get the issues resolved. But I'll go back and rework some of the parts so it doesn't seem like I'm coming off like that
