POLL: Terms for distinguishing Romantic vs. Sexual orientation

I still identify as a lesbian, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty I'm more like bi-something-or-other homoromantic.

 

I also identify as lesbian but I would probably be bi romantic homosexual but it just gets too confusing and it's a slim chance with a guy

 

There should be a somewhat option...

 

Helpful? Not particularly. It's an interesting exercise to try to tease apart the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction to males vs. females.

The fact is that nobody is sexually attracted to males...they are sexually attracted to males they find sexually attractive. Ditto females. Ditto romantically.

So these are actually negative statements...it's not that gay men or straight women are attracted to men...it's that they *aren't* attracted to *any* women. But then you hear reports that they are...sometimes...under certain circumstances. It's enough to make a bisexual's head spin!

But to me, it's all the same...I'm sexually attracted to who I'm sexually attracted to, and I fall in love with who I fall in love with. I could never rule out an entire sex! They're both too compelling! And if I'm sexually attracted, emotions will probably follow...and if I fall in love with someone, I'm going to eventually at least *want* to move it to a sexual level. So for me these things are *really* intertwined.

So for me, having separate words for them is little more than an interesting word puzzle to sift through.

 

I don't know how I feel about these terms. I'm sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women (I believe). Even though I feel more comfortable being in a relationship with a woman, I can never see it being passionate (at least sexually), like I think it would be with a guy.

I think it's my social conditioning, upbringing, and religion that makes me feel more emotionally attracted to women. I'm still sorting my sexuality out however, so I'm not 100% on any of this. Heck, I've never actually been in a relationship. I haven't even been to 1st base with anyone.

 

I've played around with those labels. For a while I thought I was a homoromantic bisexual. After that I realized that I just have a very hard time defining sexual attraction. I've sometimes gotten weird feelings around hot guys, but I think I got those feeling because I thought I was supposed to and later because of OCD. When I actually think about it I don't think I actually want to do anything with a guy. I think the definition of sexual attraction is wanting to do something, not experiencing weird unwanted feelings.

 

Wat wat?

Ok, I'm trying to decode your orientation, but I think I see that you're "attracted to men."

Really? "Men?" That's a lot of people, and I dare say you don't find them all attractive (although do correct me if I'm wrong...I don't want to put words into your mouth). I do believe that what you mean is "the set of people you are attracted to contains mostly men".

Similarly, with a straight woman, her statement that she's straight isn't really saying that she's attracted to men (again, that's an enormous group of people, and certainly she isn't attracted to *all* of them)...what she's really saying is that she isn't attracted to women. It's more a statement of who she *isn't* attracted to, but masquerading as a statement of who she *is* attracted to. (i.e., a statement of a negative, rather than of a positive)

Does that clear it up somewhat?

 

I never really understood how separating romantic attraction from sexual attraction works. When I'm attracted to someone I experience both. So no I never saw the need to use those terms.

 

I would say yes in so much as, although these terms are often generslisations and over simplifications of people and their feelings, they can be useful for identifying commonalities between us giving us a sense of belonging. In short, they helped me feel like I'm not the only one who was like this and therefore not an outcast or dare I say "freak".

Happy days

 

Ultimately I want to date one person, so I just have to find someone that I have both attractions to. Separating them out only makes me less accepting of myself. So no, it doesn't help me.

 

Not even remotely.

 

The distinction has been helpful to me to some extent.

I've also stumbled on this forum upon the theory that there are 3 essential parts of a relationship: sexual attraction, love, and connectedness.


This resonates with me more than the 'romantic' and sexual distinction, because I am both capable of bonds with men, and of sex (although I don't get turned on by male bodies as such), but there is something fundamental and essential missing: I don't seem to be able to connect to men emotionally/sexually in a way that one would expect from a romantic relationship.

Those distinctions are helpful, but only if they can be used to determine the wider category, so we can openly come out one way or another, and that ultimately depends on the person, right?

Eg. a homoromantic bisexual, might choose to come out as bisexual: because they will still want to have sex with the opposite sex, and another as gay, because they are not interested in sex without emotions, so in that way it might make it confusing for people who want to find a category that fits them AND is widely socially accepted.

So I think those orientation names are helpful in establishing how an individual works, just by exposing a split between the romantic and sexual orientation, it should become obvious which one is the preferred sex for relationship = which label will be more accurate, but the individual still has to do the leg work to find their own category that fits them and which is recognised socially and which is not a mouthful to say.

Also those labels are just another categories through which other people might fall through again: sometimes a bi-romantic lesbian seems accurate, but also bisexual lesbian could be: the difference in my case was the lack of capacity for deep sexual connection with men, and this does not seem to fit either into the aspect of romanticism or sexuality and really was the reason for me to adopt the gay label.

 

I guess I fall into the demi-homo-romantic homosexual catagory since I can't fall in love unless there's a strong, platonic bond first.

I don't like using it, though. I just say homosexual since it gets to the point.

I'm surprised people feel the need to call themselves demiromantic. I think it's just a synonym for human. =/

 

Somewhat the same for me, I can feel attraction to someone once I get to know her/him (very) well. The point is, feeling attracted to someone doesn't occur that much (because of that). So I use demisexual, it sums it up for me really. :icon_bigg

 

mostly hetero romantic(only ever been one exception). but about 75/25 bi sexual. 75 men 25 woman.