Urgent need of help pleeeease

Hello,
I am an 18 yr old girl whos going through the most horrendous situation possible. This past senior year has been going smoothly until I began romantically speaking to a girl I've known since sophomore year of high school. She was drunk one day and texted how she felt about me and how she did like me this year. I did not know and I identified as straight. Up until now, we've been hanging out but my parents one day caught us outside my house as she was touching my hair and laying her head on my shoulder. My parents were outraged and immediately told me to cut off my connection with her. Sooner or later I felt myself feeling so strongly for her I couldn't cut it off. We both understood the consequences of getting caught but did not care..stupidly. Yesterday I went to a school event and hung out with her afterwards, lying to my parents that I was at a friends. My parents essentially caught me in the lie where I proceeded to tell them I do like her and I'm still figuring out my emotions, that I was not indeed their nightmare of a lesbian. My parents were ballistic and threatened (pretty sure they are) going to transfer me to a nearby high school and a psychologist. They declared they would never accept me for who I am because of their religious and moral beliefs. My mom sobbed believing that she failed me as a parent. I told them they might as well transfer me because I cant change my emotions for the girl I like and that its no use..even though I am regretting this because I don't want to transfer, especially with it being my final 2 months. This all began when my younger brother caught me and the girl speaking after school, where he proceeded to ask his friends if me looking at her necklace was "lesbian" of me and then told my mom because he said it was a disgrace if I was a lesbian and he hates the girl I talk to, because according to him all lesbians are horny bitches and she looked like she was ready to fuck me. I'm so afraid and lost I don't know what to do or who to turn to... I've calmly tried to explain to them I can figure it out and make decisions on my own. I guess this is what I get for lying. I NEED ADVICE PLEASE, I really think I might be falling in love...its that serious. Should I stop talking to her? I want to hopefully even though Im not counting on it to continue our relationship perhaps in college, even as friends. I just want her in my life. My parents despise her so much and theres a school event soon where our families will be in a mini scholarship award banquet. Prom also is near, where I declined guys who asked me because I rather go alone and with her but that wouldve been horrible decision my parents are barrading me saying that if a guy doesnt ask me I cant attend. Im suffocated and Im hurting her in the process..HELPPPP ASAAAAP.....:tears::icon_sad:

 

Re: URGENT URGENT need of help

Sorry I am new. I guess this is what Ill have to do. Im going to tell my parents tomorrow morning to not transfer me and that'd Ill stop talking to her. My mom took down her number when I gave it to her when she caught me in the lie from last night so idk if she plans to block her messages or what. My parents are conservative christians and I believe from what I see a bit homophobic. Should I completely stop talking to her? Idk what to do and my parents dont even wanna let me hang out with my other small group of best friends from forever because they were "accomplices" in me seeing the girl and accepting me-making them bad friends. Im just tired of everything and so stressedd.

 

Hey! Thanks, I know since I am a legal adult in the state of NJ I dont have to exactly transfer and since I am at a young age I believe that I do have the right to see what suits me..if this is a "phase" or whatever, I just believe that if someone makes you feel special then it shouldnt matter what gender they are and this girl makes me feel amazing/happy. Thanks for the time for reading and replying...Its just so hard when my parents remind me how inexperienced I am when it comes to boyfriends and that this ONE girl changed everything. It only confuses me more when I dont have anything exactly planned or figured it out myself. I just am so consumed in this I feel like I am going through depression. I dont know what to do...

 

Re: Urgent helpp

I know- this is the hardest thing I have ever to deal with in my life and since I am 18 I dont have to legally listen, but since my parents both played such an important role in my life I cant help but want to listen to them. I just feel like I was forced to lie to them when I had no more options. I dont know exactly if I love the girl so if Im solid any sexuality label, Im still figuring it out. All I know is that she makes me feel amazing, but the fact that my parents remind me that I was never this way before until now and that this ONE girl changed me confuses me even more along with what they believe "my lack of inexperience" with boys. It makes me doubt myself more and become brainwashed. I only have 2 months left of school then summer....what route should I take? I feel like even if I were to comply with not speaking to her I would eventually end up lying to them because I would wanna see her over the summer or whenever possible. I feel horrible for her even though she still sticks around...it hurts our relationship so much. I only get to see her in school and it kills me...

 

Re: URGENT URGENT need of help

Thanks so much for the replies. Me and this girl are both 18 and we've encountered this situation for a while because of my parents seeing us once outside my house while she was touching my hair and her leaning her head on my shoulder. It freaked them out where I told them that yes I was questioning, but they made me stop seeing her so she wouldnt "tempt me any longer" but that only caused me to lie because I didnt want to stop...and now its become this. I just feel horrible if I disobey them because I know they have good intentions but they arent going about it the correct way. Im even getting cut off from my best friends who they believe were "accomplices" in helping cover up and lie for me when I was with the girl I liked. I dont know what to do, Im going through a depression...crying all the time and sleeping whenever possible. Im really upset and feel terrible. Yes I will continue to speak to her in school even though I hate lying to them and writing her letters stuffing them in her lockerr..as for college I am not financially independent even though I do plan to get a job this summer and work for my college education. Im just tired of everything you guys..I feel terrible..

 

Thanks once again, well we've been dealing with this for a while because of the fact that since we the outside my house incident my parents saw how masculine she dressed and felt threatened. Since then they tried to restrict my contact with her which led me to this mess of lies and crap where my friends had to cover for me whenever I was out with her. I'm happy I got everything off my chest though and can't help but feel good even though I truly am upset with all the stupid restrictions. For prom I was asked by two boys, but I barely ever spoke to them so I kindly declined. Plus I am the type to go alone because there isn't anyone I am interested or friend enough to go with. The girl I like knows everything so far except what happened last night (what I posted about) because I am too afraid to text her because my parents are tracking my txts and they took down her number. I dont wanna tell her until next week either because we have AP testing this week and I dont wanna distract her at all. Im really upset and Im just gonna comply with my parents for now and not speak to her unless in school. I do think I am in love or falling slowly. Its all this weirdness. Confusion about my sexuality and the fact that my parents make me question my feelings more through saying that I was never this way before and this ONE girl changed me and how could I do this to them and that I could change but shes like a fire tempting me to do bad things. I dont know you guys Im in a really weak postition since Ive been dealing with this situation for a while since me and the girl have been speaking.

---------- Post added 8th May 2014 at 02:36 PM ----------

Im going to try to let the situation cool down and speak to her on the down low...I cant believe this. I am 18 and dont have to listen but I respect them a lot and they play a big part in my life...my father told me he cried and my mothers hysterical. I dont know..I feel like I failed them when Ive been "straight" since I was young...but when I was little I did make out with my friends who were girls in grade school like age 7 or 8...but didnt think of girls that way until now. Underlying things like this matter? I dont think they believe in being bi either because they believe its only possible to be one way. GAHHHH I NEED ADVICE.

 

Re: URGENT URGENT need of help

Thanks you guys, I haven't had much support on this situation because my best friends are Christians, except one who fully supports. My christian friends are more skeptical but fully support as well regardless of their religious beliefs and they even have experienced what I have-just not to this extent. I can't help but feel guilty for involving the girl who I like- idk if I love her or am falling but I really haven't felt this way before. Regardless of my inexperience with guys, which isnt really serious, my feelings don't compare even when I believed at a younger age I was in love with this boy. I'm pretty sure I was but this is so different..where Im actually crying and showing true emotion which is hard for me to do for another person unless I truly truly care. Im trying not to blame myself and I feel like I failed them somehow, like they dont deserve this but I cant help my emotions. Its worse since Im still figuring out how I feel even though I am sure I do really really like her and feel connected. I think its best to keep low key even though I feel guilty for lying about seeing her or speaking to her. It just ends up in a cycle of lies and Im afraid if I speak to her in school my brother will tell my mother again....*sigh* thanks for the input though this really helps.

---------- Post added 8th May 2014 at 02:56 PM ----------

Do you guys have any advice on how to feel less shitty about talking to her at school through letters or whatever classes possible? I always had this strong connection with my parents so lying really does kill me. I just feel so betrayed by my family who claimed to be there for me forever and love me (Which I don't doubt they do) but everything slowly has collapsed over this confusion that isn't exactly set and stone determining my sexuality 100%. I feel alone because not all my friends have experienced what I have to this extent but have dabbled in their own issues determining their sexuality. Im not trying to define my sexuality either, I'm just going with whatever feels right and makes me happy. I'm so glad I have this girl in my life though, she truly makes me happy and inspires me to be creative and studious and a better me. Stand up for myself. Speak. She makes me feel so strong. It hurts to think that my parents are convinced through constricting me I could be easily changed. My mother texted my friend today "thanks for lying to me. I thought you were a friend of the house" who covered for me the night I got caught this whole commotion stated. I felt so bad for her because she felt so guilty and upset. I couldnt help but cry because of the people I unintentionally involved and hurt in the process of having a few moments with this girl. Everything feels like its crumbling and I cant concentrate on school with my AP exam near. I just try to remind myself this is all temporary...that it' will soon be gone. But I remember that in the summer I do want to see her so that'll cause me to lie more...in an effort to see her. Its a stupid cyclle. I feel like this is all pointless if I feel I'll be forced to lie in the future again..I even have this gps on my phone where they can track me. So to summerize I need advice on the following :
* How to feel less shitty about lying about talking to her
* Why I feel connected to her-isnt my fault right that Im experimenting? I havent engaged in physical activity, just sweet kisses..
* How to avoid lying in the future and keep a decent relationship with my family?
* How to remain somewhat positive?
Sorry this is SO long and ALL OVER the place...I just try to type everything on my mind before my parents arrive home. This is my only outlet to express myself when they're gone so far. Im so glad I found this website for advice from those experienced and older. THANKS ONCE AGAIN YOUR SUPPORT IS MUCH NEEDED!