I'm getting tired of thinking up catchy title names

Well, if anyone has been following me along with my little "story" you'll know that I've been unhealthily obsessing over my sexuality and having intrusive thoughts even though like a month or two ago I was probably the most confident and gayest teen in my town. Most of my intrusive thoughts are all centered around the fear of not really being gay or liking guys even though I just don't. But with the OCD what it does is cause CONSTANT doubt like an eternal "what if" question in my mind it's just if anything (excuse my language) shitty as fuck (sorry!)

Went to the doctor/therapist yesturday and we talked and I got it all out there and she straight up told me I seem to be OCD-ing AGAIN. If anything I feel really grumpy and depressed because it seems like I'm going through an exact same scenario of what happened to me last year, except with different thoughts.

Last year I had an obsessive fear I was going to vomit at school (even got to the point where I carried a plastic bag in my purse with me everywhere) and everytime I stepped foot in a classroom I started to get triggered and worry I was going to do it and it got to a point where my bad thoughts and panic attacks were so frequent that I got depressed and lost control.

It's getting to this point now with this fear too. I dunno what to do I guess I'm just wondering for anyone who's gay, are you always confident in yourself? Do you ever worry maybe you're not really your orientation or ever had bad thoughts?

I guess I'd just rather know that I'm not alone.

 

That sounds like a really bad therapist in my opinion. I mean I guess depends on what therapist you're seeing, some people are more specialized in other problems/fields than others. Like I guess if I went to an eating disorder therapist for OCD help they'd be like, " Wait-- hold up this isn't what I'm here for."
But I think all therapists need to be understanding especially since their entire field is basically listening to people's problems and knowing how out of control it can get so your therapist sounds like a butthead.

I think I'd rather be asexual or celibate for life than like boys, it's ridiculous you'd think this is strong enough ammo for me to know I'm gay but it's like I said I have constant doubt and fear. Or what's even funnier is when I post online and ask for people's opinion on my sexuality and some troll says, " Sounds like the gay phase or you're straight or bisexual" or whatever basically any answer that isn't gay I get really angry if not frustrated and go off on a tyrannical rant about how I know who I am and it definitely isn't a lover of boys. But then I don't get how I can be sitting alone and start having intrusive thoughts about liking boys and then start freaking out and psychoanalyzing everything. It's so frustrating and annoying.