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sexual attraction vs. love

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Vanl3001, May 8, 2014.

  1. Vanl3001

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    I have a question for all y'all who are out and comfortable with your sexuality (or anyone with insight to share). When you first realized that you were attracted to people of the same sex, how did you feel about the idea of falling in love or settling down with someone of the same sex? I am fairly comfortable with being sexually attracted to other women but I feel like I could never fall in love with a woman. I've sort of been assuming that my attractions are simply sexual, but based on some things I have read and some things people have told me about their experiences, I'm starting to get the impression that some people feel this way in the beginning and sort of grow into the idea of falling in love with someone of the same sex. I would like to know if you struggled with the idea of falling in love even when you were sexually attracted or if the idea of falling in love with someone of the same sex felt natural to you when you realized your same sex attractions. Any and all answers would be helpful!

    (Btw, I'm female, not male, I just don't know how to change this in my profile.)
     
    #1 Vanl3001, May 8, 2014
    Last edited: May 8, 2014
  2. paris

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    I'd like to know that too. :icon_wink
    My settings (the very left on the blue bar) > Your Profile: Edit your details > scroll down, make your changes and Save changes.
     
  3. Vanl3001

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    Lol, thanks! I'll change it now!
     
  4. Jim1454

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    That was certainly the case for me. I didn't want to contemplate that I was gay - but I had same sex attractions. By the time they became very strong, I was in a heterosexual marriage, so society constraints and my own person situation influenced my thinking and beliefs that I was just sexually attracted - but couldn't imagine falling in love or living with another man.

    But when my wife found out about me cheating, we separated, and I started coming to terms with my orientation. Freed from the heterosexual relationship, I was better able to contemplate a relationship with a man - and when I gave myself permission, it was easy to envision a relationship with a man. And it wasn't many months later that I met someone, and we've been together ever since (over 6 years!).

    So that was the process for me for sure. I had to give myself permission and be in a situation where I was able to consider a relationship with a man.
     
  5. Im Just Me

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    I originally denied to myself that I liked women at all, then eventually accepted I was attracted to them but I really couldn't see myself in a relationship with one. For me, I don't think it was until I got a lot more comfortable and sure of my attractions i was able to picture myself in a same sex relationship at all.
    Actually, I think the biggest thing that got me able to see it was when I ended up with some lesbian and bisexual friends. Two were dating, and seeing their relationship it started seeming so normal. Even though I've never had a problem with it or consciously thought it was abnormal, I feel that until being close to it, a part of my brain just couldn't see it for me in reality. Sometimes we need an event or to experience something before we come to terms with things within ourselves, I think.
     
  6. Quem

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    I'm perfectly fine when I end up with a man. It doesn't matter to me whether it's a man or a woman. My attractions are rarely sexual and I identify as demisexual, meaning that I only have sexual attractions to someone when I know that person very well. I never thought bad about falling in love with the same gender.

    It feels very natural for me. Looks matter, but the personality plays a huge part in it for me. All what matters is that my future partner and I are happily living together, whether my partner is a man or a woman. :icon_bigg
     
  7. Linux Lenny

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    I thought that it would be impossible for me to be in love with a man , especially when I first admitted to myself that I was gay , but now I can imagine myself in love with a man and I can't see myself in love with a girl . Society taught us that any love relationship must be between a man and a woman so we grew up with this idea deep in our minds which built a mental block towards same sex .

    But I think this mental block can be easily destroyed with self-acceptance.
     
  8. Rainbowchild

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    How your feeling is exactly what in going thru! I actually have a boyfriend but am highly attracted to women. I'm attracted to them sexually & recently found a girl that I can't live without & sometimes feel like I'm in love with her. She's my best friend. I guess what I'm trying to get at us that I didn't think I could actually have deep feelings about a female. But I did. And now I'm in my own pickle. I was in high school when I had my first crush & she wanted to date in secret. We kissed a couple times. But never fell in love. She had a boyfriend. That hurt me so I ended it. I think with time when you meet someone who your compatible with you could see yourself with, it could happen :slight_smile: you just haven't found her yet!
     
  9. sldanlm

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    For me, although I've been sexually attracted to many females, I could never bring myself to act on it unless I had a romantic relationship first.
     
  10. Vanl3001

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    Thank you all! These posts have been super helpful to me! For those of you who have been wondering the same thing as me, this post has stopped getting responses so I re-posted it under "How did you feel about falling in love at first?" Keep an eye on it if you're curious! Thanks again for all your responses. It's been doing a lot to help me gain perspective!
     
  11. confuseduser99

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    I was grossed out at the idea of falling in love with a man when I first realized my sexual attraction to them. I felt this was from around 14 up until around 2 weeks ago. I started thinking about it at night, and almost every night, I would wake up at like 5AM aroused. I would imagine the man of my dreams sleeping bedside me. I cuddled my body pillow imagining this. All I can say is that the "falling in love/having a relationship with" someone of the same sex grows on you.
     
  12. DeliriousMess

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    Back when I was first discovering my orientation, I vehemently denied I was gay. I thought of any interaction with a man on a sexual level was just disgusting. I tried to suppress my feelings, but I couldn't. As I got older is got stronger, and I knew I could only ever be with a man. I've had and still have dreams about having a relationship with a man I could build a life with. Live in a house, have a family, etc... So, basically what I'm saying is that I'm definitely attracted to men sexually, and I feel like someday I might be able to build an emotional relationship with a man. I don't feel comfortable having a sexual relationship before an emotional one. I feel like there should be that connection before sex becomes involved.
     
  13. SeekingTruth

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    I'm about the opposite. I can easily see myself falling in love with a man (or a woman). However I have a hard time dealing with the sexual aspects of such (despite a physical/sexual attraction to both sexes). I have been in love (and married) to a woman. It didn't go so well. I have been in love with a man (however no sexual relationship with the man). That is all I can provide at this time concerning my experiences with "love" with a same gender. I wish you well.
     
  14. PrinceOfAvalon

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    I was the case that had no problem with it.

    I thought i had romantic interests in women before, but as soon as i came out they stopped and i realized that i went so out of my way to convince myself and i was too young to know what romantic feelings really felt like. The feelings i felt then were simply strong attachment or friendship, not a sense of wanting to be with that person fully for the rest of my life or anything of the sort.

    I was never sexually attracted to women though.
    Its possible to be one but not the other :slight_smile: Orientations are shades of grey.