I apologize in advance that more than likely this will be a long one To start off, I'm currently 20 years old and I've been questioning my sexuality for the past 4 months or so. Now I know for sure that I'm attracted to women, so it's not a question of being gay but whether I'm bi or not. It all began when I entered one of my classes for the first time and I came across a guy who I thought was pretty good looking, at first I figured that I admired his physique but later noticed that my body would become numb when looking at his face. This was a foreign feeling to me, so I was soul searching online, out of curiosity I would look up some gay porn to see how I felt about it. At first, I found it disturbing(sorry I'm not trying to offend just describing my situation), but as time went on I would actually notice guys in there who I thought were cute looking. Whereas I could be attracted to a variety of different women, I tend to only have a certain type of guy that I find attractive(usually the clean cut late teens who act more "cute"). Getting accustomed to these feelings, I was starting to notice more guys in my school , even going to the extent of subtly checking them out. In the beginning I'd only have a fantasy about kissing them but nowadays I'll see a certain guy and I want to jump his bones. What's weird is I wonder why these feelings are just coming up now, I was never this way beforehand. Like I started to develop some feelings for a presumably straight (he acts more on the metrosexual/feminine side) friend, he has an awesome body and when he changed his shirt in front of me I was turned on:icon_redf. Another example being that he would bend down to get something off the floor and his shirt would lift up revealing some skin and a bit of boxers showing, my mind was gone just wanting to undress him right there. I think he knows, because he's been being a lot more playful. As stereotypical as this is :lol:,one time he had a salad in plastic container he would be tossing it to mix around, smiling and looking at me while doing it. He would later ask if I wanted to help him with it, but I had to keep my composure(we were around our table of friends) because my mind was in the gutter. Just earlier today he would sit next to me and repeatedly punch my shoulder in a soft playful manner for like a minute while smiling at me complaining how his arms are sore. Point being, I'm pretty sure I could be Bi, but wanting to get other perspectives. Overall, I tend to be more attracted to women and am checking them out throughout the day but every once in awhile I'll find a guy who looks good. I'm known as the jock-like member in my group so I'm nervous of displaying any outward flirting in public. Thanks for listening to this long ramble, had to get this off my chest. So am I bisexual? Your help is very appreciated (!)
Hi! Given that your desires and fantasies have developed pretty late and at a time when you are pretty sexualised and horny from hormones/youth/porn, I'd say that the only thing for sure that I can say from reading your post, is that you are bi-curious. You desire to try out the same sex. It could mean being bi, it could be just being horny and liking people, only you can tell. I'd say experiment and with time you'll know if it is something for you or not.
I agree, try to experiment in an enviroment where you feel safe and secure, and find out if you're more than just bi-curious and not just horny. And I wouldn't be nervous just because you're the jock-like member of your group. I -suppose- the people in your group are your friends, so they should be fine with you fooling around. If you want to be cautious, you could assess the general behaviour towards LGBT people in your group before doing anything out in the open though. Take it for what it is: Curiosity! Attraction! Exploration! Adventure! Excitement! Whatever the outcome, as long as you're content with yourself, it's fine.
I don't think it's odd at all that you're noticing this about yourself now. I was around 20 as well when I literally stumbled across some gay porn and found it really arousing. I had never before found myself attracted to another guy. I'd had crushes on girls growing up. In hindsight, I think the crushes on girls were more a function of "That's what people do". I wasn't really aware of any same sex attraction in myself. It's tough though. If you really do find yourself attracted to both guys and girls, then for now I'd suggest that you're bisexual. For me (personally) 'bi-curious' was a cover that I used when I was married to my wife to excuse my 'curiosity' for gay porn and later my 'experimentation' with other men. The fact is, I identify as gay today. Once I allowed myself to accept that I was attracted to men, I found that my attration to women wasn't really there. It never was very strong for me - and it totally disappeared. Where as having a hot guy take off his shirt?? Very hot. And having him bend over to see a bit of skin and a peak of his underwear - I'd want to undress him on the spot too. So try to relax about it all. You're 20, which is ideal. No long term relationship, no marriage, no kids... because all those things sent me a very strong message that my same sex attraction wasn't legit, or that I shouldn't act on it. But it caught up with me eventually, and created a bit of a mess in my life. Good luck - and welcome!
Hi I'm Matthew and I have a friend Dalton we've been friends since this school year began any way I just recently started thinking in my mind how cute he was and at the same time thinking what is wrong with me I would catch myself staring at him in class then sometimes i would catch him staring at me he always punches me playfully and I think he's flirting and I'll act like I'm reading some days and I'll notice out of the corner of me eye him watching me read I want to tell him how I fell it Just what if I'm wrong about him and he tells everyone ,
