Ok... So I have only been on here for not even a day and already got so much support! You guys are really awesome. Thats why i kinda feel like I should tell you my story about my struggles and I hope you can give me some advise. I know its probably ganna be a little longer post but i hope you dont mind Ok, everything started almost 3 years ago, when a friend of mine came out. Everybody in school kinda knew she was gay but nobody talked about it. So when she actually started takling about her girlfriend, for some of my friends back then things changed and they began to behave different around her. ( maybe thats why im scared people will freak even more out if i would come out since its not that obvious with me) Anyways, it took me some month till I started thinking about what happened and that there are not just straight people and even I could be gay. And really I felt quite attracted to girls. But back then I didnt really care much and I went on. It took me one more year (which i spent most time as an exchange student) to realise that I seriously fancy girls. During my time abroad i had guys having a crush on me, but also guys i was best friends with and both was quite new to me. I always thought someday I have to fall in love with a man, get married and get kids but I never had any feelings for them and i was never interested in girl-talks about hot boys. So beeing an exchange student I realised that I really had no feelings for boys but I liked hangig out with them and having them as friends. It came to the point that I looked into a mirror and imagined me with a boy who would be my boyfriend and I felt weird. Than i imagined me with a girl beeing my girlfriend and felt still weird but in a different and more comfortable way. When I got back I met my first really close best guy-friend. He does not see me just like a girl but like me as a person which means that he often doesnt make a difference between me and his guyfriends. But I also met a girl and at first I had a crush on her. We were really close from the beginning but we got even closer and now I dont wanna lose her as my best friend. I now think that i had to have a crush on her to realise that im probably lesbian or at least bi. But now i am scared that she will be uncomfortable with me being her best friend when I would come out. We are really really close and I dont want her to think that Im in love with her, which is not the fact. But I am not even sure if i am lesbian or not. What if I just havent met the right guy yet? Its really confusing me... As soon as i seem to be comfortable beeing gay and i am thinking about coming out, i start doubting it. I really dont know what to do because i cant stand this feeling of not knowing who i am any longer... So if you have any advice I would be really happy ! And if anybody can relate to my situation, I would be glad to hear how you have been dealing with it
Hello, I'll try to give some good advice. Lots of us felt that way too. Some were even married to someone of the opposite sex, loved that person and had kids. They realised something missed in their relationship. Some got divorced, but some are still in that situation. That's a pretty strong sign right there. Once again, this is an indication about your orientation. Sometimes we don't want to believe it, or sometimes we don't see it, but it's there. First of all, does she support LGBT rights? You could bring up this topic (not too obvious) to find out. It makes quite some difference. If she really is a close friend who supports LGBT rights, you could come out to here. She might have some troubles with it first (she could be confused for instance), but if she really is a close friend, she will understand it. Moreover, she will probably believe you when you say you're not in love with here. Some are gay and haven't even found the right guy yet. It doesn't matter. What matters is your attraction, with whom you want to spend the rest of your life (assuming you're monogamous and willing to have a partner). Remember, only come out when it helps you. If you know that it won't help you, don't come out. Good luck! (*hug*)
Hi Draumur! It sounds like you're not that into guys, but you do fancy girls. If I could put a label on it, I would say that you're lesbian. But, if you don't like labels then you can take it one day at a time, being open to the possibility of liking guys or girls or both. I'm questioning, and I'm taking the time I need to figure out if I'm straight or not. You should take as long as you need, and you don't have to tell anyone your feelings if you don't want to. As for this girl that you're close with, you said that you currently don't have feelings for her, correct? If that's the case, then if you want to tell her that you think you like girls, then be sure to add to that that you aren't interested in her in that way. Before you do, gauge how well she would react to LGBT people/issues.
Hi Draumur! I also read the advice you gave on the other thread. The way I see it, if you can imagine yourself only with a woman for some reason and the voice deep inside you is saying that you can't be in a relationship with a man there's a huuuge chance that you can't be with a man. Everyone has this gut feelings but the society puts so much pressure on gay people and makes us to doubt those feelings. When a 13 yo girl thinks she's into boys nobody will doubt she's straight but when a 13 yo girl thinks she's into girls she'll hear "it's just a phase", "she haven't met the right boy yet", "she's too young to know", etc.... you know that song. It's really hard not to become affected by such an environment. If you keep having doubts and need more confirmation, there's nothing wrong with that. Take your time and don't worry, you'll figure it out. (*hug*)
Thank you so much for your advices and your support. About my best friend: I know for sure that she is not homophobic, since she totally hates when people use gay in a negativ way. But im gonna try to talk to her a little bit more about lgbt ... i think the outcome of the esc makes that at least in europe a little easier I also think im just gonna try to be comfortable with beeing attracted to girls and i at least try to not worry about how i feel about boys for now. I think doing one step at a time will be easier for me. Thank you guys again! Im so glad that i can finally talk to someone about all that !
