Hello to all who may read this. I am somewhere between age 25 and 35. I was raised in a fairly strict Christian household. My entire family is full of hardcore Christians. My entire life I have found that I have "an eye" for people of the same gender and opposite gender. I find myself looking at both men and women with sexual thoughts. However, I can only see women as, well, sexual play things. I find it hard to "fall in love" with a female. I HAVE fell in love with a female but it was a long slow and difficult process. I have fallen in love with men before, however I never let them know. I can see myself in a long term relationship with a man, however I have a hard time with the physical sexual aspects of it. Then again, the sight of vagina scares me :\ I have been married, and divorced with a female. She was the only human I have ever had sexual relations with. I dated her three years and was married to her for four years. It ended due to her cheating on me, however I suspect my off and on ignoring of her (during my times when I was not attracted to women sexually) probably helped cause it. I have now been single for about five years. My ex-wife and I still talk. I asked her not too long ago what she would think if I said I was gay. She basically said "I wouldn't be surprised". What is a man to do when he has physical sexual attraction to females, romantic/love attraction towards males, and almost lack attraction sexually to males? I do like penis (the sight and feel of it). I do like anal and bjs. I do like vaginal sex, however not if I have to look at it. I also like breasts (especially nipples). I also have more of a fascination with ejaculate than I care to admit (being honest here). I have also experimented with the prostate (and boy was it nice). However, during masturbation, as soon as I "ejaculate", I become asexual. No attraction to either sex for sometimes hours. The thought of sex after such with either sex is repulsive. This is confusing to me. I am seeking experiences, preferably with people who may have been through similar to what I am going through currently. I am seeking advice on how to figure out who/what I am. I appreciate any help/advice/feedback. Thank you.
