Hello, i'm new to this site, so sorry if i write something wrong, or in wrong place ... To try and make my story shorter i'll just jump to the root of it, i've been a straight guy (as i thought) since i'm sexually active, i love girls, their bodies, but even when i was like 16 years old i'll get this sexual fantasy about having sex with a guy, they weren't often at all, so i thought it's just normal, now i'm 20 years old, and lately i have this fantasies all the time, sometimes i can't even keep an erection while watching girl/girl porn, but looking at gay porn usually does the trick, but what is weird, is that thinking about kissing a guy makes me gross, and i can't see myself doing anything else except having sex with a guy (mostly only with his penis, not any other part...) and after i'd finish, i won't think anymore of that and feel weird, until i get another erection and start all over again... And like half a year ago i had a chance to try it with a man, i didn't even got an erection and couldn't get myself to touch him, and when i got a bit more comfortable with him i did try to give him a blowjob, but again nothing, after like 5seconds said i can't do it (good thing he did understood...), and later same year i thought to try again, set a meeting with another guy, only got to his door and rushed out of there... Now don't get me wrong, i don't have anything against bi or gay, as i always was up to try anything. But how should i understand all this, is it something that i just have to try? or is it because of lack of girls lately and me just being ready to jump in any bed? Sorry if my english is not that good, it's not my main language, but i did try my best thanks in advance
Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. I think this is quite normal. Having same sex attractions is something that you don't expect, and if you have received negative messages about gays then it is natural for you to be nervous about having these thoughts and feelings. Being sexually intimate with someone is also a very scary thing if you're not comfortable with the person you're with. So it is natural to be nervous - which would prevent you from getting or staying aroused. What would be better is if you could be with someone you knew, and you liked, and you could be comfortable and relaxed with. But that would mean also being open and honest with them about who you were, what you liked, etc.
I think it's possible for you to be bi. But, you don't like any other part of a male? Could you be straight with a penis fetish?
