Confused pans

1.) Even knowing it's normal, it confuses me when I have a gender preference as a pans person (it varies a lot). It's more preferences for first and secondary sex traits and there are some combinations that are more interesting than others.

Personally, I find I want different things from different people and I have different ideas about how a relationship would work with members of each gender. I think you won't find a lot of people who are split perfectly down the middle in terms of attraction.

2.) On that note, lately the idea of the combination of boobs and a penis on one person has sounded like a really good idea. I suppose it's just two of the most interesting secondary sex characteristics to me but I've heard that having that preference can be considered fetishizing and demeaning to trans people so it bothers me that it's there. Again, it also really bothers me that I care about gender in a partner at all. Although I think I would really enjoy it, I feel like I'd be able to be in a relationship with a trans person without making them feel fetishized. (Non-trans cross dressing men would work just as well lol).

This is something I am really conflicted about, because I understand what you mean perfectly but you are right, it does have the potential to be demeaning!

Personally I agree, boobs and a penis on the same person can be sexy as hell. The problem comes when people get so hung up on that part that they ignore the rest of the person. There are some trans women who will never ever have bottom surgery and are quite happy to use their penis the way anybody else would. Some won't have the surgery but would only use their penis occasionally. Others, want rid of it ASAP.

There's nothing wrong with finding somebodies body attractive, just be careful not to make a big deal out of something that a lot of those people will hate!

3.) I'd rather find a guy because that'd be easier socially especially with my family. That reallybothers me because I feel like I'm being closed minded.

That doesn't make you closed minded it makes you scared or concerned. Just because you identify as pan doesn't mean you HAVE to date people of all genders it's entirely up to you. The only thing is, if you find someone who is perfect for you but they happen to be a trans woman, would you turn them away for the sake of convenience? Worth thinking about.

4.) I think I might get a little bored by a cisgender male with no feminine qualities. Am I fetishizing queer folk again with my preference for the abnormal/atypical?

Perhaps you are, but only because you used the word 'cisgender'. I mean you can get some masculine as hell trans men, and if you said they had feminine qualities they would be all KINDS of pissed off. There is nothing wrong with liking feminine qualities in men, just don't assume that trans men will have them!

5.) Because I tend to lean towards men, sometimes I feel like I'm not really part of the queer community. I feel like I'm not queer enough to be in the queer crowd if that makes sense even though it's ridiculous. I'd love to have a (biologically) male partner with boobs, obviously I'm a little queer.

Well you are.

6.) Slightly off topic, but: sometimes I really want to be a cross dressing man. I have no idea why. Certainly not a strong enough desire to ask anyone to change any pronouns but it's kind of confusing. I'm already a woman and wear women's clothing and makeup easily, why do I have the desire to be a man and jump through hoops to look feminine? Can this mean that sometimes I am a man since gender fluid is a thing??

I'd make a new thread for this one if you really want a discussion made out of it...

 

Oh cool, a thread where my input can be relevant, yay ^_^

I considered myself pan for a while, but I won't call myself that anymore for a couple reasons. Anyway.

I find myself mostly attracted to females, but at the same time I'm absolutely, completely dick obsessed. So I 100% get what you are saying about having the breasts and penis on the same person. There is a lot of porn that caters to to that specific fetish and honestly, it's the only porn I ever watch. Which is probably not entirely healthy but eh, it's hot and I love it. But this kept me from joining the forum for a long while because I was afraid I saw trans people more as an object of sexual desire than, well, normal people like they are. I think I still have a bit of an issue with that but I'm getting better.

Aaaaaah I kind of went on a tangent there sorry.

...I have more to say on this but I'm gonna step back and organize my thoughts first.

 

I just wanted to say that I have similar questions and I'm very glad someone asked, because I wasn't brave enough. Anyway, I identify as bisexual because it's easier for most people to understand it. I get what you say about the boobs and the penis although I'm the other way round, I'd prefer a flat chest and a vagina. Hell, I feel awkward for writing this. I don't think it's fetishizing trans people, it's just finding something sexy/beautiful, as long as you don't define the other person by their body. I like girls and I like guys and androgynous people too; I fall for each person for different reasons and can appreciate their bodies.

 

Sometimes I'm not sure if I should be frying a burger or simmering a veggie stirfry. Life is hard being Pan, and I can get jealous of Pot. But then he calls Kettle black and I gotta side with Kettle on this one, Pot is an asshole.




Ok now seriousness, here are responses to your questions:

1.) Even knowing it's normal, it confuses me when I have a gender preference as a pans person (it varies a lot). It's more preferences for first and secondary sex traits and there are some combinations that are more interesting than others.
It's confusing yes, but gender differences exist for a reason and just because you are pan doesn't mean you have to be gender-blind (or sex-blind).
2.) On that note, lately the idea of the combination of boobs and a penis on one person has sounded like a really good idea. I suppose it's just two of the most interesting secondary sex characteristics to me but I've heard that having that preference can be considered fetishizing and demeaning to trans people so it bothers me that it's there. Again, it also really bothers me that I care about gender in a partner at all. Although I think I would really enjoy it, I feel like I'd be able to be in a relationship with a trans person without making them feel fetishized. (Non-trans cross dressing men would work just as well lol).
I totally agree. I think for me though it comes out in fantasies of having a threesome with a guy and a girl; I think it'd be really hot to try it, even though I'd like to be in a monogamous relationship eventually. But yea if a person is trans* their characteristics will be different, and maybe you'd have different preferences, which is fine as long as you respect them.
3.) I'd rather find a guy because that'd be easier socially especially with my family. That reallybothers me because I feel like I'm being closed minded.
That's a whole nother issue, I feel the same way but you love who you love. I'd hope for your sake that your family will accept you whatever you decide to do.
4.) I think I might get a little bored by a cisgender male with no feminine qualities. Am I fetishizing queer folk again with my preference for the abnormal/atypical?
Same. (I'm just on an agreeing streak aren't i?) Maybe you could find a guy who is as flexible with gender roles as you are, they've gotta be out there. Have you tried looking for pan/queer/bi men? There also might be plenty of straight guys into mixing it up.
5.) Because I tend to lean towards men, sometimes I feel like I'm not really part of the queer community. I feel like I'm not queer enough to be in the queer crowd if that makes sense even though it's ridiculous. I'd love to have a (biologically) male partner with boobs, obviously I'm a little queer.
I've heard of the queer community excluding people for not being queer enough, but I haven't seen it except in the case of a whole group of people with the same preference, i.e. lesbians. But in a more diverse queer group there is bound to be acceptance no matter what.
6.) Slightly off topic, but: sometimes I really want to be a cross dressing man. I have no idea why. Certainly not a strong enough desire to ask anyone to change any pronouns but it's kind of confusing. I'm already a woman and wear women's clothing and makeup easily, why do I have the desire to be a man and jump through hoops to look feminine? Can this mean that sometimes I am a man since gender fluid is a thing??
How do you feel about wearing a strapon or other means of embodying certain (traditionally) masculine characteristics? What about binding? Just some things I can think of off the top of my head, I'm not sure what else to tell you.