So im a guy in high school and up until about a year and a half ago i liked exclusively girls, but then i started to gain an attraction towards men, not emotional at all but sexual. Since i started to feel this attraction to the same sex ive gotten head from two different girls but never got fully hard or came either time (i have anxiety about doing stuff wth girls because of my confused sexuality so i cant tell if its just the anxiety and pressure or because im actually just gay and haven't accepted it yet) i could totally accept being bisexual but being gay seems bizarre, i still stare at girls constantly and talk with my buddies about how we'd like to do just about everything with them, i watch gay and straight porn yet i feel like i get hard faster with gay porn, i have never had an emotional attachment to a guy but i have one to a girl right now. But it all still boils down to the fact that ive failed at performing with a girl not once but twice. which doesn't make much sense because when im drunk i genuinely try to hook up with just about every girl out there, which i usually end up being successful with but i still am scared to go far with them because of going soft twice already, i need some opinions on whether or not you guys think im gay or if im bisexual, or somewhere in the gray area between those two labels. Thanks for the help
Hey man. I think I felt what you felt a few years back (I was rather young though). I've had my fair share of straight relationships, but to be honest, I never truly fall in love or have any sexual drive. I started doing stuff with guys and liked it, so that's when I started having lots of thoughts. I considered myself bi up to a few months ago, but I just have come to conclude that I only like men in that way. The thing that might make you feel weird is that our society has places stereotypes on the word 'gay'. When people hear it, they think they are always feminine, happy, etc...which isn't always the case. For example, I consider myself gay but I'm 100% masculine. It's just weird and takes some time for acceptance, but society will never stop judging. Anyway!, I think that if you have pleasure from both sexes, there's no problem. You might not necessarily need to put a label on yourself yet, or at all. You are still young like me and have lots of time for experimenting and meeting new people. Best of luck
Having difficulty maintaining an erection doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. For starters, any sort of sexual activity when drunk (or otherwise impaired) is unwise. The alcohol itself can impair arousal. On to the main issue: Your evaluation of where your sexual orientation lies should be mostly in what arouses you. So one of the best ways to think about this, without the complications of nervousness around another person, is to look at your masturbation fantasies (without porn.) You can try fantasizing about guys, and see how aroused you are. Then, on another session, try the same thing thinking about girls. Try this several times and see what the pattern is. If it's more arousal with guys, then you're more likely gay. If more toward girls, you're more likely straight. What complicates things is... almost nobody wants to be gay, so they'll find a miliion justifications as to why they can't possibly be gay. One of the most common is "Well, I like sex with guys, but I feel a stronger connection to girls." Almost always, this is wishful thinking... many gay guys have lots of girls who are BFFs around them, but they'd never consider having sex with them. And, likewise, many guys coming to terms with being gay will admit wanting sex with a guy but being freaked out or grossed out by it... which is, again, just your conscious mind trying desperately to stop what your unconscious and hardwired attractions are after. At the end of the day, whatever it is.. it is. You can't change it. So there's really no reason to stress about it, just explore and take your time in figuring it out.
