I am a lesbian that still hasn't came out yet. I really want to, but lately I find myself extremely attracted to pre-transition transgender men (bio-sex females). I feel really bad about it because I know I like girls. So I feel like I am either wrong in my identity or I feel as if I am mis gendering them. I just don't know what to do.
Remember: they are men. There's nothing of wrong to prefer pre-transition trans men, but the most important thing is to remember that your relationship will become a straight one. He's a man, you're a woman. For example, I'm a pre-transition man and I don't care if my woman is a lesbian. But she has to respect me and treat me like a man, because I am a man.
You're misgendering them. Transmen are men. If you're attracted to them for who they really are, then you're bi to some extent. If you're attracted to them simply because they're biologically female, you're misgendering them.
x2 If you find yourself attracted to more than just one, I would say that you're likely bisexual to some degree. If it's just one guy, you could still be a lesbian with an "exception." But if you're thinking of him as a woman, that is a problem. What about transmen who have had top surgery, are you ever attracted to them? If not, you might just be attracted to masculinity but still prefer a female body.
I'm not attracted to him because he's female. I'm just attracted to him. And, he's like my best friend, and I would still want to date him after he transitions, I just, I saw myself as a lesbian, and I finally came to good a solid conclusion, and then I met him, and I'm just confused.
Not really, it's just like. I don't know. High school. And I'd rather define myself than let others define me.
If you label yourself as lesbian and at the same time you are in a relationship with a transman, your label could cause damage to him. Because he could be seen as a butch lesbian :/ In your opinion, why people have to know absolutely you're lesbian? Can you be more vague, maybe saying "I can fall in love with a person, even if they has my same sex" or similar?
I get the reason for wanting a label - without one I always felt like it was difficult to place who I was. Maybe you could say bi with an extreme preference for women. You also mention he is a very close friend - could you be homosexual + demisexual bisexual, if that makes sense? As in, you need a strong emotion bond first to be attracted to someone of the opposite gender, but not to be attracted to another woman. At which point, it would probably be easier for you to go without a label or just go with "queer."
The problem i forsee with this is that he wants to transition, and if he's no longer attractive to you once he does so then it will put strain on both of you. If you think you could support him going through transition and still be attracted to him, then I say go for it! Alternative labels: You could say you're a kinsey 5. You could say you're queer. You could say you're predominantly lesbian. You could say you're a lesbian but you have dated/are dating a guy.
This is when labels get me down. My wife doesn't label herself which I sometimes think is odd. But when I see a conversation like this, I understand. We are attracted to who we are, no matter the label.