First let me say that I know I always had a porn problem and had a lot of erectile dysfunction in my life. I finally came to the point that it was porn induced ed and performance anxiety. I always liked girls and always was nervous around them but alweays had erectile problems. Eventually moved to shemale porn and met up with shemales and did everythinggggg and wAS HARDEST i ever been and never had ed. But before porn i would have found them gross,it just was porn escalation, as I was into incest porn before that. Now I mean this has gotten ridiculous and I truthfully feel like giving up. The problem here has been severe HOCD. Most people here know my story, ed problems ( cant get it up, cant keep erection more then few minutes, pe) with woman almost my whole life, strangly with hot woman from the massage place i could always get it up or keep it up just came pretty quick. But never ever with shemales, hardest I ever been in my life. The problem with that logic, is most guys would brush it off and reboot, but my whole life I have had SEVERE OCD. Combine that with my failures and I now have incredible HOCD, its all I think about everyday. I have not orgasmd in 16 days like my counter states, but the problem is I literally feel nothing toward woman anymore. Now when I see a good looking guy I always notice and get nervous, its like all I do now is notice men who are attractive. Let me state, before escalating to shemale porn a few years ago and before looking back at all my failed ed sex attempts, I NEVER NOTICED MEN LIKE THAT EVER, NEVER HAD ONE GAY THOUGHT, I am 26 and never once. I have always been nervous and shy around woman my whole life. For years growing up I always had crushes on woman and was obsessed with having sex with them. But all I notice now is men, its freaking me the fuk out, i still notice woman too a little. Neither are giving me erections looking at them, i just get nervous when i see a man now my mind races. There is no way i was ever gay I would have known and tried to deny, I just think I watched so much porn that it changed me permanently, I never really got into gay porn tho, maybe a few scenes but it was always tranny. I have come to the point where I may just accept porn turned me. It makes me sick to think about kissing a man( nothing against gay people at all, my aunt is gay, just the way my mind is), and i dont want to be with a man, but this looks like there is no coming back from this. I wana cry truthfully, at least i havent relapsed yet and the shemale thoughts have begun to fade a bit which i thought was impossible. I also think from shemale porn i gained a cock obsession not so much men, i think thats why i notice men now the dopamine rememebers the dick. Liking woman and being able to get it up seems like such an impossible thing. I did have sex with a real ugly girl 3 weeks ago before reboot, but i used viagra and came in like two minutes, erection was fine tho. This has ruined me, fuck porn and hocd
Hi, and welcome. I'm sure you must be feeling pretty anxiious right now and that's understandable. I'd suggest that the first thing is to separate things out. OCD is a source of major anxiety for many people, and anxiety, in turn, can deeply affect the ability to achieve and maintain erections, because sexual arousal is basically a "relaxation/safe" response rather than an "anxious/fight-or-flight" response. So the ED is likely unrelated to porn. Second, the OCD does complicate things in terms of where your true sexual orientation lies, but I can say with a pretty high degree of confidence that porn has no influence on one's sexual orientation. If it did, then the crazy religious people's methods of showing a ton of straight porn to gay guys would work... and it doesn't. In point of fact, there's no sort of conditioning we know of that influences sexual orientation in teens or adults. So what we don't know here is what your true sexual orientation lies. And I think it's going to be hard to get a really clear answer until you get the OCD and anxiety under control. OCD and anxiety are both, according to the most recent evidence, byproducts of a failure of development of neurotransmitter pathways in the brain early in childhood. There's a great book called "Brain Lock" that is based on extensive research on OCD, and offers a pretty effective set of strategies to help get OCD under control. The anxiety can also be helped by learning one or more meditative practices where you learn to essentially manually stimulate your dopamine and endorphin systems that are deficient. And finally, there are medications that will help the symptoms of both anxiety and OCD if they are severe and intrusive, which it sounds like yours are. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Once you have the OCD and anxiety under control, then it will be a lot easier to objectively look at your sexual orientation. Based on what you've said, it could go either way, but stressing about it now, with the OCD in full tilt, isn't going to help you.
