Hey dudes, I'm glad I finally found a place that like myself, are questioning, can answer and ask questions. Well, I'm currently debating bisexuality. Wether I'm straight or bi. My story kind of started last year around September. So it's pretty recent compared to some. Some. Well I've always liked girls from day one. I remember the first time I masturbated was when I was 13 or 14. It was to a girl in a bikini. She had a great ass and that really turned me on. I just loved the female form. I remember when I was a LOT younger I tried to flirt with my uncles girlfriends^ I would remember (sometimes to this day) I liked running up on girls. When girls gave me hugs I loved grabbing their hips and feeling them on me. Eventually I saw blow jobs and I loved the idea of it. It turned me on so hard to see a girl do it. Anyways just about a year ago, (when I was 16) I was dating my ex. We went out for 9 months. And during those 9 months I could say I fell in love with her. I still think about her to this day and I miss her. Long story short she eventually dumps me and gets with my best friend and I got so sad probably even depressed cause she was my life at that time. After that I had ZERO luck with the ladies. And I was beginning to get so let down. Anyways it was a long line of just failures, and it was usually the girl who didn't show any interest in me. I had one crush that lasted 3 years. I tried several times on her but to no avail. Well, eventually I told myself "why don't I just go gay?" And it sounds soo stupid I know but bear with me. I laughed it off and said no I'm okay haha. Eventually I talked to my gay uncle and I knew he always trying to push that I'm gay on me. I didn't really care but he always said I might be gay in the future regardless of my interest in girls. So I never got that. Anyways he told me about what guys did and I didn't care cause I accepted gay people without any stress. But I got curious. So I looked up gay porn and I wish I never saw it because it was pretty weird lol. It didn't turn me on or anything but it felt awkward and funny haha. I didn't like it so I just dismissed it. One day I had a gay dream and it bugged me cause I woke up feeling uncomfortable and uneasy. It felt bad honestly I didn't like it. So I let it go after a while. Again, one day I asked myself am I gay? And I said na haha it's not me. But I told my uncle and he said I could just be in denial which made me worry. I asked how do I know if im in denial? And he said you usually don't. That stayed in the back of my mind. I started reading about people who come out as gay with families and that scared me. I heard of latent homosexuality and it scared me too. The fact that I could be secretly gay and not know it. That kept growing in me and I started trying to masturbate to guys and it never really worked out. I tried fantasizing about guys but I disliked it. But I kept getting scared that I was gay. So I kept trying and trying and eventually I started believing I was gay, but I never liked guys likes girls. Sounds stupid I know. I tried getting turned on to guys and nothing. So I got irritated and I didn't know why I couldn't accept I was gay. But then I realized but I still like girls and always have. To this day I have that doubt regardless of how I like girls. And I can't date girls cause I'm scared I'll be gay and Hurt a girl I truly like. I don't know anymore. I started avoiding guys cause looking at them made me think I liked them etc. I like girls, so I must be bi right?
I don't get why your uncle would put so much pressure on you for being gay @_@ You are clearly not! I don't like girls and I did have some dreams in my life where I was with a girl. You don't seem to be bi since you are not turned on by guys. You don't like guys. Period.
Based on your description, I wouldn't even go as far as bi. There's nothing there that suggests you're not straight. You tried gay porn, you didn't really like it. You tried gay fantasies, they didn't do much. There's no real life crushes on other guys or anything of that sort you've talked about, not even admiration. I think if you had any sort of attraction to guys, at least one of those things might have drawn out an affirmative. Even many people in denial, in retrospect, have those sort of attractions- they might ignore them or fight them or rationalise them, but to some degree or other those feelings are there. With you that doesn't seem to be the case, and you seem certain of your attraction to girls. So FWIW my vote goes with straight. Unless you find yourself liking a guy, for now I'd say don't put much stock in what your uncle says.
If you're not having fantasies, you are straight. It's not like that can't change because you are 17, but I doubt it. And no, you can't choose to be gay/bi/whatever, but a lot of people don't know themselves until they are 21 or 22. College opens your eyes to new things.
