On one hand, I enjoy what is called masculinity. I like being masculine. I prefer masculine things. On the other, I get infatuations/fall in love with people with the same degree of masculinity as mine. It doesn't happen towards anyone who I perceive as more masculine or less masculine than me. I'm also sexually attracted to female bodies pretty much exclusively. I've gotten a lot of crap from people for being that way, as a masculine male only capable of being physically AND romantically attracted to, essentially, butch women--as though this brings my masculinity into question, and somehow shows that I'm more feminine/more inclined towards a female role in a relationship deep down. I'm not. I've been screwed over badly in relationships as well, because most of the masculine women I've been with have been very bossy and wanted me to be something I wasn't, i.e, "the feminine one." And with women who weren't as masculine, I didn't like who they were as people, we had very little in common, and I found their expectations of me abrasive. I tried things out with a guy or two, and the relationships had the same problems, except with less sexual attraction. (I'm with another guy now who is as masculine as I am on the spectrum and doesn't expect me to be more or less, so it isn't a problem anymore. The only problem is the sexual part, but I'm making myself get over it--thinking of him as physically genderless helps some.) Is this technically bisexuality, or something else? Is it an atypical form of heterosexuality? Am I gay with a breasts-vaginas fetish? And also, how do I root out the internalized cultural attitude that "it can't work" if both partners are completely the same on the masculine/feminine spectrum? I've encountered this attitude among same-sex couples as well, that there has to be at least some discrepancy sometimes in gender or "who takes the lead" for a relationship to be a good one, a valid one, one that "works." I know it's not true for all people, but it gets into my head sometimes and makes me angry.
It is bisexuality. And kind of androgyny. I fancy people with the same level of masculinity and femininity as me...
I honestly think you're straight with a preference for masculinity. The fact that you find it hard to be sexually attracted to those guys, despite wanting a masculine partner kind of proves this....
I'm doubting you're bisexual if you have a hard time sexually with guys. You might have a romantic attraction to them, just not a sexual one. Being attracted to masculinity and men are two different things in my mind. And just because someone is masculine or femme, that doesn't exactly make them submissive or dominant in a relationship. I've met femme girls who want to take charge, and vice versa. Heck, the only girl I've dated was very masculine, and always pretty submissive. It might take a bit of searching, but there are people out there who are like that.
So far, 3 out of 4 say I'm straight with an emotional preference for masculine people. This does make sense. But therein lies another conundrum. It means I'm a straight guy in a same-sex relationship, and I'm going to be disbelieved or told it's unhealthy and advised to break up if I talk about it. I'm not miserable at all, I'm happy, and the lack of intense sexual interest is outweighed by how much I like him as a person and how much fun it is to be with him (or if not "fun," then intense, meaningful, etc.) I didn't mean to imply I though masculine/feminine were synonymous with dominant/submissive. I know that. But I'm uncomfortable with dominant/submissive dynamics in relationships too.
I agree with others that from what you've said you tend towards the straight end of the spectrum, but maybe flexible? Your relationship is yours to determine, sexuality is only one element of it though... Did you speak to your partner about it? if you are more straight, he deserves to know. On the other hand if you still have romantic feelings for him, and the relationship is good, then maybe this can out-weight your opposite sexual orientation. Its for you and him to figure out. But, I see something else here, you seem to have a tendency to be attracted to people with whom you cannot have a full relationship. Masculine women are more often than not, gay: so they cannot be attracted to you. Gay men, are men, and you seem to be sexually more straight. Could it be that you are avoiding intimacy for some reason? Are you comfortable with who you are/ know who you are? I might be completely wrong on this one, but maybe it is worth giving it a thought.
You sound like the type of guy I would date. I'm female but most men either think I'm gay or too masculine for them. I'm also attracted to masculine people, mostly men and I'm not bossy or dominant so women like me do exist you just have to keep looking. Also I think you sound kinda bisexual but try to to worry too much about the label, You like what you like and screw anyone who has a problem with it.
Yeah, straight with a preference for masculine women. Perhaps a very slight bisexuality, but it sounds like you're putting a lot of effort into forcing it. Honestly, it's not that big of issue - we all have our preferences for the personality we'd like in a partner. I will say that doesn't mean you have to exclusively date people with that personality, and some people have often found happy partnerships with individuals that did not meet their preferences. That being said it sounds like you'll be happiest with what you've described as liking. No need to be embarrassed or put yourself down for it . If anything I suppose you could look into getting help/advice with this: issue - but I suspect just finding the right girl will be the key. ------------ Also, I don't know if it would help or not but I would like to say that I'm a lot like yourself in your preference for women. Well, and for men, for that matter. "Nerdy badass" is the descriptor I like to use. :lol: -------------------------------- Eh, that may be more often than not the case, but I don't think it's something like "90% of all masculine women are gay." Especially with the relative leeway our current society gives women in gender identity (at least compared to men), I think there are a decent amount of "masculine" straight/bisexual women out there - even if they are a minority. I certainly know a few. ---------- Post added 17th May 2014 at 11:16 AM ---------- Also, if you're happy with the relationship you're currently in, and you feel that happiness outweighs any lack of sexual attraction you may have, by all means feel free to stick with it mate. Frankly, the fact that you're happily in a same-sex relationship tells me that you are at the very least slightly bisexual, so, no worries.
Wow. I have always wondered if a masculine guy could actually prefer a cool masculine woman? That just just blows my mind. So cool. I have also known other masculine women who also liked masculine men and actually very few masculine women who liked feminine men sexually. I have hung out a lot on the gay world, so I know a LOT of masculine women and its more common than you think. This gives me hope!
I'm glad you are excited that guys like the original poster exist. I'm like the original poster, too, in that I'm a fairly masculine man attracted to masculine/butch women. I don't need women I'm attracted to to be exactly as masculine as me but I definitely prefer at least tomboy/soft butch type women. It's been kinda frustrating over the years, as I tend to get crushes on butch lesbians, which are totally self defeating. That said, I have been able to find straight and bisexual women that are masculine enough for me. And, I'm proud to report that my current sweetheart (who I'm wild about) is a tomboy/soft butch, but NOT bossy. So such women do exist! Another suggestion for the OP would be to be open to dating transmen. I've dated a couple of transmen, and I rather liked it. While trans man's parts are different from vaginas, and trans guys think about their parts in many different ways, if you are a more attracted to vaginas sexually, trans men might work better sexually for you than cis men. That said, if your happy with your guy, and he's happy with the amount of sex your willing to have with him, I say, go for it!! Anyhow, know your not alone!!
You sound straight or at least bisexual. I myself am not super fit, but not fat, kinda in the middle and I only find guys that are like me physically or chubbier attractive because super skinny or muscular guys creep me out and aren't very attractive to me personally.
Ok herein lies a HUGE problem were it to be a gay man in a relationship with a woman and said the same thing everyone would rally up and demand he break up with her (regards of what's he feeling towards her). Lust and desire I feel is necessary in a healthy relationship. To be honest dude I think you're straight and have no sexual attraction to him. What I believe you are feeling is a very close friendship.
