I'm in my late 30s and have been married for 4 years. I've identified as bisexual since my late 20s but now I'm starting to wonder. I had encounters with women before I got with my husband but it never went further than kissing and touching. I did have an online encounter with a woman before I got together with him that went *all the way*. I never told him how much I enjoyed it (I enjoyed it hell of a lot). We've had a couple of online threesomes in the past with women but they were one offs. While I paid each of them equal attention, I did (if I'm completely honest with myself) get more turned on by the womans attentions on me and my attentions on her (haven't shared that information with my husband). I know our private sex following on from these sessions was so much better but I can help wonder if that's because what I just did with a woman (even though it was online) was still fresh in my mind. I do love my husband very much (we've been through a lot as well). He can turn me on with things he says and does but I don't know how much of that I just associate with knowing that those things will lead to an orgasm for me. Sex with him is great for the most part but I can't help sometimes feeling what I get from him sexually, I can get from a woman plus they have breasts. Also, sometimes when my *woman* feelings are bubbling just under the surface, when we have sex I fantasize that I'm having sex with a woman. When he masturbates himself for me, I get nothing out of it (I can't help feeling that it supposed to turn me on but it doesn't). I know he is turned on by me (not exactly hard to tell). But I'm starting to wonder about what/who sexually attracts me. When I see guys on television I do love seeing cute guys in guy liner, I always thought they were hot but when I think about it the same guy without guyliner just doesn't have the same appeal for me. But with women I do find myself thinking *oh yes please* with women. I can't recall thinking *oh yes please* with another guy. I just put that down to the fact I already had one and that was *wrong* (but if that's the case, I shouldn't be thinking yes please about women either? Whatever someones sex is, I'm married). I know he is willing to watch lesbian porn with me but I prefer to do it alone when hes not around. I feel so bad for this as I am doing it behind his back but I don't want him to know just how much it turns me on. I thought I had a grip on my sexuality but I'm so confused right now. I didn't grow up around homophobia but at the same time I was only ever around hetero people/families (that I'm aware of). Plus I can't help feeling large amounts of guilt and selfishness that I should have have this figured out before I married someone, plus my age, I should know who I am by now. I found and took the kinsey test and scored a 4 but I'm apprehensive about grading myself against a quiz. I really hope this makes sense to someone.
