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Confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by 1lbm, May 16, 2014.

  1. 1lbm

    1lbm Guest

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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    I am 18 year old male. I am unsure what my sexuality it. The reason for this is because when I was younger i began watching porn. However as time went on i remember thinking to myself i didn't really like a vagina because it looked funny to me but i did like the way a penis looked. I did still masterbate to girls and did enjoy masterbating to them however i then started masterbating to transgender porn. I remember thinking this is awesome because of the girls (boobs and women facial features) with penises. Yet then i began watching gay porn and remember thinking this is cool. This only lasted for a couple of months before i didn't find it as interesting as i did when i first started watching. As time went on i masterbated to straight porn girl on girl porn and gay porn. Then the appeal of gay porn wasn't that appealing to me and i stopped watching it as much. I have had multiple crushes on girls growing up to the point where i wanted to date them. I remember wanting a first kiss from a girl but was to scared to take it. However when i first kissed a girl i remember thinking this is cool and then proceeded to make out and enjoyed it. I have had sex with girls multiple times and have enjoyed it every time to the point of wanting more. The majority of the time i masterbate to girls and straight porn and hardly gay porn anymore. However where i began to freak out is my past. Because i masterbated to guys does that mean that i am gay? or will be gay in the future and I'm just hiding my true feelings? Now when i try masterbating to gay porn i am able to but it never feels good. It feels better to masterbate to girls and straight or girl on girl porn. But where i begin to freak myself out is thinking that if i am just making myself like the girls and i am not truly attracted to them. I can tell when a guy is good-looking but i am not sure if it is a sexual attraction. When i try masterbating to guys it always feels weird and forced. But with girls i am into it and want to do things with them. I tell myself that i must be bisexual but when i say that i can not help but say no because i don't like guys. I wouldn't mind being bisexual if i didn't have to hook up with guys for i have no desire to do that. But then my mind is telling me that i do and i am just making myself think that i don't want to. I am just so confused and don't even know anymore. Thank you for your responses! :lol:
     
  2. AKTodd

    Full Member

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    Porn is not really a good indicator of orientation, particularly the reaction to first exposure to porn. It's intended to titillate and excite and as a teenage male a solid breeze from the right angle can turn you on. It's as likely that the novelty of gay porn and the thrill of doing something 'naughty' or edgy or whatever was driving your excitement as much as anything else.

    That you're currently 'into it' when fantasizing about girls and enjoy sex with girls while not having the same feelings for guys leads me to think you are either straight or bi, leaning more toward women (bi doesn't always mean a 50-50 split of attraction). If you were 'into it' when fantasizing about guys but then telling yourself you didn't want to have those feelings/couldn't be having those feelings for whatever reason (and guys come up with all sorts of reasons) then I'd say you were in some form of denial. But you haven't indicated anything along those lines at this point, that I can see.

    Being able to tell that a guy is good looking doesn't mean anything. I can tell that a woman is good looking (by the standards of the culture I live in). But I have no sexual desire toward here at all any more than I would have sexual desire toward a flower or a nice sunset.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
  3. confuseduser99

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    I think you're straight, just a little curious. Looking back on my posts when I first joined EC 3 weeks ago, I can see how gay I am.

    You my friend can masturbate to women (both porn and fantasies). I however cannot. I've tried, and I just can't. I forced myself, and never really enjoyed it.

    From what I can see, you aren't in "denial" of being gay as I was. You seem pretty straight to me. After all, most straight people have had gay thoughts before.